How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[bakd]

Originally Posted by 33girl

How can you tell if someone is a legacy from her picture??

It could be that the women who were legacies going through were either released for grades (grade requirements are MUCH higher than they used to be), for not having other requirements stated in the sorority's policies (say maybe, involvment in other extracurriculars), OR it could be that the legacies themselves either ranked their legacy chapter so low that they didn't have to go back, or that they behaved in such a way to make it clear to the sisters that they didn't want to be there.

Facebook, Dear. Alumnae have excellent research skills.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by bakd

My double legacy daughter was cut from her legacy house last fall. Other than being cut by her legacy house, she had a perfect recruitment (and is very happy where she is now).

Because my own chapter was from out of state and not the school where dd was a PNM, if she had left off her affiliation on the rush form and if I had asked her recs to leave off our relationship, I almost feel that she would have been pledged by my sisterhood. It is when you come to this realization that you start thinking that the legacies are seen as the "enemy". Sorry for the drama.

If she's happy and had a perfect recruitment, why do you care???? Go to the IU thread and read about the mess that is rush there that was made messier this year by weather and read about how many disappointed women there are.

It may also have been that she would have rather walked across hot coals than spend another minute let alone 4 years with the chapter of your group at her school, and she didn't want to convey this to you. If a rushee came up to me and said "I don't think this is the chapter for me but my mom is an alumnae and is set on it" you can bet that I'd bring that up during voting and you can bet everyone would probably try to help her out by cutting her.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by bakd

Facebook, Dear. Alumnae have way too much time on their hands.

FYP.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by 33girl

FYP.

Not really, one can pretty much figure it out in a hour or so.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that the actives should take MOST of the qualified legacies. Simple. If they want to set a limit and rank them, fine, but I think those statistics should be released.

This is delving into membership selection, which as you said you were a member of a sorority and should know, is private and NOTHING leaves the selection process room. It would make no sense for any nationals to set up a system to make a cut off or to publish because A) recruitment around the nation is so widely variant that it would be beyond foolish and B) membership selection is based on the chapter, not nationals, and is always private.

Sorry your daughter's recruitment didn't work out, but there is no way you could (or probably should) know why they cut her. Perhaps they just didn't like your daughter and it had nothing to do with her legacy status. Maybe if she has friends in the chapter now that some of the seniors who have graduated had something against her. Perhaps she didn't make a great impression during recruitment because she was tired during that round. There are too many variables to just base it off of legacy status.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If she's happy and had a perfect recruitment, why do you care???? Go to the IU thread and read about the mess that is rush there that was made messier this year by weather and read about how many disappointed women there are.

It may also have been that she would have rather walked across hot coals than spend another minute let alone 4 years with the chapter of your group at her school, and she didn't want to convey this to you. If a rushee came up to me and said "I don't think this is the chapter for me but my mom is an alumnae and is set on it" you can bet that I'd bring that up during voting and you can bet everyone would probably try to help her out by cutting her.

You have a very vivid imagination. But, no.

She loved the house. They would have been the same or better if she were there, too. (Based on photos, activities, and what she would have contributed via GPA, etc.)

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that the actives should take MOST of the qualified legacies. Simple. If they want to set a limit and rank them, fine, but I think those statistics should be released.

And by this logic your dd would have been cut by every single other chapter on campus so that *they* could also have a pledge class of nothing but legacies. Including the one that even you say she loves.

Please, for the sake of your daughter, chin up and let this pass. She is happy. Be happy for her. She is going to get all the same experiences that you had, just in a different colored t-shirt.

[ColdInCanada11]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that the actives should take MOST of the qualified legacies. Simple. If they want to set a limit and rank them, fine, but I think those statistics should be released.

So for women like myself who are not legacies, PNMs should just hope that there aren't too many legacies going through recruitment, and if there is, they are out of luck?

[bakd]

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

This is delving into membership selection, which as you said you were a member of a sorority and should know, is private and NOTHING leaves the selection process room. It would make no sense for any nationals to set up a system to make a cut off or to publish because A) recruitment around the nation is so widely variant that it would be beyond foolish and B) membership selection is based on the chapter, not nationals, and is always private.

Sorry your daughter's recruitment didn't work out, but there is no way you could (or probably should) know why they cut her. Perhaps they just didn't like your daughter and it had nothing to do with her legacy status. Maybe if she has friends in the chapter now that some of the seniors who have graduated had something against her. Perhaps she didn't make a great impression during recruitment because she was tired during that round. There are too many variables to just base it off of legacy status.

All I said was that she may have stood a better chance if she did not disclose her legacy status. Of course, there is no way to know, but she did otherwise have a perfect rush and went to a house that was equal or superior in the "rankings" (if one cares about those).

[bakd]

Originally Posted by ComradesTrue

And by this logic your dd would have been cut by every single other chapter on campus so that *they* could also have a pledge class of nothing but legacies. Including the one that even you say she loves.

Please, for the sake of your daughter, chin up and let this pass. She is happy. Be happy for her. She is going to get all the same experiences that you had, just in a different colored t-shirt.

What hurt the most was not being able to go to her initiation. Nor is she my sister. THAT can't be made up for, can it?

My chin is up. I have just been relating our story otherwise things are great.

[DaffyKD]

I go crazy when I read about mothers who only want their snowflake to pledge their group and refuse to pay for any other. Each of us chose our chapters because we felt they were the right choice on THAT campus at THAT time. We each looked at the women who were currently active and based our decision on THOSE women. Our daughters are going through recruitment at a different time, often on different campuses and unless something is very very wrong, none of the women who were in the chapter when we joined are currently doing the recruiting.

I joined in the early '70's when chapters were closing faster than you could say "boo." My pledge class was extremely small by today's standards-- 14. The year after I joined we had a HUGE pledge class-- 22. In those days there was no problem taking a legacy at our school as 1) there were very few rushing and 2) we had plenty of room. Today with pledge classes often over 100 and over 200 legacies going through recruitment there has to be cuts. Those of us who are alumna members are not sitting in on the current membership selection meetings. We had our opportunity. I think it is MUCH tougher on the active members today because of the numbers going through recruitment and the number of helicopter moms who are hovering over not only their own daughters but the current chapter members.

In the end, I did not have to worry about my daughter being cut from Kappa Delta because she did not go through recruitment. Several KDs were good friends of my daughter and had no idea that her mother was a KD. They were attempting to get her to join through COB because they wanted HER not because she was a legacy. I found this out the year after she graduated when I met up with one of these young ladies at convention.

DaffyKD

[bakd]

Originally Posted by DaffyKD

I go crazy when I read about mothers who only want their snowflake to pledge their group and refuse to pay for any other. Each of us chose our chapters because we felt they were the right choice on THAT campus at THAT time. We each looked at the women who were currently active and based our decision on THOSE women. Our daughters are going through recruitment at a different time, often on different campuses and unless something is very very wrong, none of the women who were in the chapter when we joined are currently doing the recruiting.

I joined in the early '70's when chapters were closing faster than you could say "boo." My pledge class was extremely small by today's standards-- 14. The year after I joined we had a HUGE pledge class-- 22. In those days there was no problem taking a legacy at our school as 1) there were very few rushing and 2) we had plenty of room. Today with pledge classes often over 100 and over 200 legacies going through recruitment there has to be cuts. Those of us who are alumna members are not sitting in on the current membership selection meetings. We had our opportunity. I think it is MUCH tougher on the active members today because of the numbers going through recruitment and the number of helicopter moms who are hovering over not only their own daughters but the current chapter members.

In the end, I did not have to worry about my daughter being cut from Kappa Delta because she did not go through recruitment. Several KDs were good friends of my daughter and had no idea that her mother was a KD. They were attempting to get her to join through COB because they wanted HER not because she was a legacy. I found this out the year after she graduated when I met up with one of these young ladies at convention.

DaffyKD

The fact that you refer to my legacy daughter as a "snowflake" rather proves my point doesn't it?

[33girl]

You know, it's always nice when someone comes along and posts in a thread and totally validates its purpose. It's kind of like when you have a car accident and you're kind of happy in a way that it happened since you spent all that money on insurance.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that the actives should take MOST of the qualified legacies. Simple. If they want to set a limit and rank them, fine, but I think those statistics should be released.

Have you suggested this to your HQ?

[bakd]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You know, it's always nice when someone comes along and posts in a thread and totally validates its purpose. It's kind of like when you have a car accident and you're kind of happy in a way that it happened since you spent all that money on insurance.

Wow. That was sort of passive/aggressive or something.

I come here just to share a differing opinion with a rather unique story twist (did legacy status help or hurt) and I get attacked.

Thanks.

If we don't listen to each other, how can we improve this controversial situation? I just know that there is a better way. We need to find it.