How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that if the national organizations would release some actual stats about how many legacies went through, etc. many alumna could come to grips with those facts. As it is, the numbers are never named, they only say that "at some larger campuses the # of legacies is larger than quota..." Yet, later when we see the bid day pictures - we only see a handful of legacies. It just sounds like hooey.

It's true. Which is why they cannot take all of them. If Q is 60 and and you have 70 legacies, then take all legacies, you get, well, a class of legacies. And the 10 left over would still cry foul.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that if the national organizations would release some actual stats about how many legacies went through, etc. many alumna could come to grips with those facts. As it is, the numbers are never named, they only say that "at some larger campuses the # of legacies is larger than quota..." Yet, later when we see the bid day pictures - we only see a handful of legacies. It just sounds like hooey.

I don't have stats, but what would you like the chapters to do? Take every single legacy regardless of whether or not they fit or make the membership requirements? If you'd rather alumnae and moms do the membership selection than the collegiate actives, I think you need to check your priorities.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by bakd

Yet, later when we see the bid day pictures - we only see a handful of legacies. It just sounds like hooey.

How can you tell if someone is a legacy from her picture??

It could be that the women who were legacies going through were either released for grades (grade requirements are MUCH higher than they used to be), for not having other requirements stated in the sorority's policies (say maybe, involvment in other extracurriculars), OR it could be that the legacies themselves either ranked their legacy chapter so low that they didn't have to go back, or that they behaved in such a way to make it clear to the sisters that they didn't want to be there.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by bakd

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 30 years ago.

You are Bat Shit Crazy!!! I'm from that exact time frame and not once have I or my sisters ever referred to "saving" the Greek system. Get off your soap box.

So here you are, reviving a thread from many moons ago, arguing with a plethora of well versed women in the Greek Community and can't figure out which battle to fight. Madame, you are out of touch with reality.

[ree-Xi]

I've been doing some reading online about legacies being cut. I came across some very sad reactions from the moms whose legacy daughters were cut. (One of the pages referenced here came up in the search. Please note that I am not singling them out. I also found public pages with people from other sororities, and others that are in general college forums).

Needless to say, the sentiment is being echoed by alumnae of many sororities. Many of the women post stories about their legacy daughter being cut from from the legacy sorority or chapter. Many are vowing to stop all volunteer and financial support to the national organization. They share stories of how they are crushed they are (the moms), that the chapter dared to cut their daughters, many of whom are "amazing" and "accomplished."

(Let me say that I GET it. It's hard when all of your adult life, you dream about sharing your sisterhood with your daughter, only to have it fall apart. I'm not saying it's easy.)

Some moms insisted that legacies should always be offered bids, regardless of whether the girl "fit" the chapter, or that a legacy should always be chosen over a non-legacy even if the girl is lacking in grades/activities/etc.

One mom bemoaned the fact that collegiates are (paraphrased) too inexperienced and immature to be making decisions that they shouldn't be making, and that are not in the best interests of ABC. Someone else agreed, and said that today's chapters are "making their own rules and decisions".

Hmm...Isn't this the way that they themselves were chosen? By the members of the Chapter? Why was it okay then, but not now? Were they all legacies to start out with?

One mom said that when she was a PNM, she was a legacy. She told all the other sororities that she only wanted ABC and that they cut her. She muses as to what would have happened if ABC had cut her - she would be devastated because it meant that "no one wanted me".

Others suggested that the mom/grandmother contact nationals and insist that they know WHY their daughter was cut, that if enough people complain, it will make the nationals come down on the chapter because OBVIOUSLY, the chapter is doing SOMETHING wrong.

In several of these places, women have come forward to explain some of the reasons why legacies may be cut - purely from a logistical perspective - but the words seem to fall on deaf ears.

It's a tough situation all around but the bottom line is, you can't always get what you want. Why not make the best out of what you DO have? These moms are preventing their daughters from finding their own sources of happiness, whether it be through another chapter, or even if they don't become greek.

[AnchorAlumna]

Hmmm.....OK, if chapters are required to pledge legacies, can the legacies be required to accept only their legacy bid?

[kddani]

The facebook thread referenced earlier demonstrates the extreme lack of knowledge of many alumnae with regards to today's recruitment realities. It seems that most of our groups have tried to address it delicately in communications with alumnae, but many just don't get it. I think many just don't want to "get it" and would rather rant and rave.

I love the alumnae who spout off that they're no longer going to volunteer with the sorority or support it financially. I would hazard a guess that most of those complaining are not involved with their sorority on any level more than receiving the magazine a couple times a year and certainly not on a monetary level.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by kddani

The facebook thread referenced earlier demonstrates the extreme lack of knowledge of many alumnae with regards to today's recruitment realities. It seems that most of our groups have tried to address it delicately in communications with alumnae, but many just don't get it. I think many just don't want to "get it" and would rather rant and rave.

I love the alumnae who spout off that they're no longer going to volunteer with the sorority or support it financially. I would hazard a guess that most of those complaining are not involved with their sorority on any level more than receiving the magazine a couple times a year and certainly not on a monetary level.

I'll give them the benefit of the doubt that they may be very involved in their alumnae organizations as they said, but from experience with my alumnae chapter, most of the women have no idea what goes on in the collegiate chapters anymore. There is a disconnect between collegiate and alumnae activities, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes it difficult to keep alumnae up to date with the realities of recruitment. One of the main problems with the "anecdotal" stories provided is that there is a lot of power associated with "my daughter and ALL the daughters of ALL my friends have been cut." It stirs up a lot of anger and fear, but provides very little real information for mothers to really know what the likelihood that their legacy will have difficulties at little public school in tiny town USA.

[MasTNX]

Do you think legacies should be given any special treatment at all? If it's a super competitive school and there aren't enough spots for all legacies much less everyone else, then should legacies be given any type of 'head start' like a Legacy Luncheon before recruitment? It would seem like an unfair advantage, but isn't just being a legacy an advantage that wasn't earned?

As for my daughter, the mom in me wants to say that I will hover. Before intake, I would want to know that she has made a good impression. During intake, I would want to know what is going on. After she emerges, I would want to know if she was representing the Sorority well. However, I know that none of that is particularly helpful to her or the chapter and I will need to fall back.

I understand the mom's heartbreak though. It's tough.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by MasTNX

Do you think legacies should be given any special treatment at all? If it's a super competitive school and there aren't enough spots for all legacies much less everyone else, then should legacies be given any type of 'head start' like a Legacy Luncheon before recruitment? It would seem like an unfair advantage, but isn't just being a legacy an advantage that wasn't earned?

As for my daughter, the mom in me wants to say that I will hover. Before intake, I would want to know that she has made a good impression. During intake, I would want to know what is going on. After she emerges, I would want to know if she was representing the Sorority well. However, I know that none of that is particularly helpful to her or the chapter and I will need to fall back.

I understand the mom's heartbreak though. It's tough.

Can't really do this with NPC.

[MasTNX]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Can't really do this with NPC.

I don't know a lot about NPC, but why wouldn't it work?

Confession: I think I got the idea from a Lifetime movie or something similar. The moms and daughters were all touring the house together, meeting all the current sisters, telling stories of their time in the house. I guess I'm a sucker for thinking it seemed realistic.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by MasTNX

I don't know a lot about NPC, but why wouldn't it work?

Confession: I think I got the idea from a Lifetime movie or something similar. The moms and daughters were all touring the house together, meeting all the current sisters, telling stories of their time in the house. I guess I'm a sucker for thinking it seemed realistic.

It's considered dirty rushing. You're not really allowed to have contact from one sorority to the potential new members, legacies or not. It's possible to have a mother/daughter lunch or something, but not a chapter of actives with incoming freshmen or anything like that.

It's part of how we all work as part of the NPC, and keeps a chapter that has more resources (or alumnae in the area) from putting on events when other chapters might not be able to afford it, have the space for it etc. When it comes to recruitment we try to put ourselves on an even playing field.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

just as you ache a little when your child is chosen last for the sandlot soccer team, or when she breaks up with their first boyfriend and is so upset she can hardly catch her breath, you ache when they are not chosen to pledge your sorority.

usually it is okay if the daughter feels that that group is not right for them, because she was able to make that determination.

i had a hard time understanding how mothers felt this way, until i had my own children.

I know that at some ASA chapters, the membership makeup was as different as it could possibly be from my chapter and there's no way in hell I (collegian I) would have ever gotten a bid. Why on earth should I think that they would open their arms to my daughter? Then again, if you managed to get into ANY GLO at an SEC or other competitive school, I think you feel a little more entitled and that you've reached the top, so things for you (and your progeny) should stay there.

I really would love to see these moms get in a time machine and see if their collegiate experience was really as wonderful and roses and daisies as they say it was and that's why they're sad the daughter didn't get a bid, or if the REAL reason is that it's a social climbing thing. I would wager there's a little of both.

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

from experience with my alumnae chapter, most of the women have no idea what goes on in the collegiate chapters anymore. There is a disconnect between collegiate and alumnae activities, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes it difficult to keep alumnae up to date with the realities of recruitment.

Sometimes I think they're actually TRYING to keep alums and collegians separated, unless the alum chapter is bankrolling/supporting a collegiate chapter directly. There doesn't seem to be that type of disconnect in NPHC groups, as the graduate and undergraduate chapters have more similarities than differences.

[honeychile]

I just read the entire Facebook article. Yes, there are some bitter alumnae, but of course they're not taking in the full picture.

One alumna posted an article from the Tri Delta Trident, and it really bears reading: Recruitment Demystified. There's a place to click to download the article - please read at least the first six pages (there are pictures, don't panic!) - it would be great to see this in every GLO magazine!

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by honeychile

I just read the entire Facebook article. Yes, there are some bitter alumnae, but of course they're not taking in the full picture.

One alumna posted an article from the Tri Delta Trident, and it really bears reading: Recruitment Demystified. There's a place to click to download the article - please read at least the first six pages (there are pictures, don't panic!) - it would be great to see this in every GLO magazine!

That's a really good article. I love that letter to a legacy. What a great message! Very panhellenic. It's a message that needs to get out to alums of all our organizations, because our legacies and our organizations depend on it.