Regrets

[tornup]

So I joined a sorority last year and was really excited about I thought i had truly found my home like so many people on GC talk about, but as the year went on I found myself realizing that the soroity i signed up for and thought i was joining is NOT what i am now a member. My national org is a good NPC sorority that i am INCREDIBLY proud to be a member of, my local chapter however is not. When i started to have misgivings i started doing some reading on our constituion and policies realizing that we have violated MANY things in our national and local constitution that if we had followed the rules on would of eliminated a LOT of problems we experienced last semester.

So now its the start of a new year and to say im not looking forward to going back to the chapter would be an udnerstatement, its at the point where I dont even feel comofrtable recruiting new girls when i kno the real side of our disogranized disfunctional chapter.

I know that no one here can truely understand the situation or tell me what to do but i personally refuse to leave the chapter and give up my affiliation with the national org that I am incredibly proud to be a member of all because of my issues with my local chapter.

So the adivde im looking for from the many older more experienced NPC women on GC is do i stay shut up and just go with it being unhappy wuth the chapter or do i try and make suggestions for change to turn my chapter into something that would actually live up to and be a good representation of our nationals name???

*i'm sorry if this is confusing ive debated asking GC for advice for a long time and its an emotional topic for me. If anything needs clarification i would be more than happy to clarify*

Thank you in advance!!!

[KSUViolet06]

I give this advice to every person who comes onto GC aasking this type of question:

Either stick it out, get on board, and try to change things, or quit.

You sticking around and complaining about the chapter does absolutely nothing for them (or you). Those who do not try to make change also have no real right to complain.

If you don't want to be there and have no interest in trying to improve things, it is best for the chapter for you to terminate your membership.

[tornup]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Either stick it out, get on board, and try to change things, or quit.
.

Thats what in my heart I want to do because I know that we have amazing potential to be a great chapter I just worry that the few girls (were a very small chapter) who run the E-Board will NOT be open to change and it will just cause me to be disliked by the chapter as a whole. Its hard for me to explain the violations/problems my chapter has been dealing with because I dont want to be to identifying. But trust me when i say its not small violations against the constituion its things that could and probably would get us a serious look from nationals if not get are charter pulled...

Im just incredibly frustrated and even in wanting to try and change it i have no idea where to start. . .

[Kansas City]

First, it seems that the start of a new semester always brings about change. I personally wouldn't want to stay with a chapter that I didn't agree with and you don't seem ready to just up and leave the chapter so it looks like your option is to initiate the change this semester. Personally, I'd speak with HQ (maybe anonymously?) about getting a consultant to your chapter. If you agree with the national organization and the local chapter isn't following the national guidelines, perhaps a visit from HQ will spark a more positive change that you can finally agree with.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by tornup

Thats what in my heart I want to do because I know that we have amazing potential to be a great chapter I just worry that the few girls (were a very small chapter) who run the E-Board will NOT be open to change and it will just cause me to be disliked by the chapter as a whole. Its hard for me to explain the violations/problems my chapter has been dealing with because I dont want to be to identifying. But trust me when i say its not small violations against the constituion its things that could and probably would get us a serious look from nationals if not get are charter pulled...

Im just incredibly frustrated and even in wanting to try and change it i have no idea where to start. . .

Ask yourself which is more important:

Do I want to go along with things, not rock the boat, and have people like me?

OR

"Do I want to help change things so that my chapter will still be around down the road?"

At the end of the day the decision is up to you. However, quitting a sorority is a pretty final step and I think you should really think hard about it because it is something you may regret. In the grand scheme of things, your collegiate chapter experience is a very short time compared to the years you will spend as an alumna. I always hate to see girls quit over frustration with their collegiate chapter and regret it because they lose out on the lifetime experiences (because they aren't a member anymore).

[tornup]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

[B]

"Do I want to help change things so that my chapter will still be around down the road?"

Thats what I want i just worry that even if my chapter will be around I wont as a member that like in trying ti change i will get kicked out i know that sounds silly but its a genuine fear i have. . .

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by tornup

Thats what in my heart I want to do because I know that we have amazing potential to be a great chapter I just worry that the few girls (were a very small chapter) who run the E-Board will NOT be open to change and it will just cause me to be disliked by the chapter as a whole. Its hard for me to explain the violations/problems my chapter has been dealing with because I dont want to be to identifying. But trust me when i say its not small violations against the constituion its things that could and probably would get us a serious look from nationals if not get are charter pulled...

Im just incredibly frustrated and even in wanting to try and change it i have no idea where to start. . .

Are there any other sisters who agree with you? That would be a place to start. Since you are a small chapter, it won't take many members to start to change directions.

Do you have an advisor? You should be able to have a heart to heart with her - maybe the thing to do would be have HER institute a change. If you don't have an advisor, you NEED one. She and her advisory board (and if there isn't one, there should be one). should be on top of the issues that concern you.

[tornup]

We have one advisor she has been are advisor since the chapter was installed and well shes incredibly close with the girls on E-Board and has a history of not exactly upholding that anonymity of a member whose come to her with problems. From what ive read on greek chat and heard from other NPC members is that having only one advisor is very odd and i genuinely think we would benefit from another one like the 2 heads are better than one idea but have no idea how to get another advisor. . .

ETA are advisor does not know about many if any of my concerns as we do not involve her with things and when i was a new member i didnt even meet her till my initiation night and even then there was no formal introduction

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by tornup

Thats what I want i just worry that even if my chapter will be around I wont as a member that like in trying ti change i will get kicked out i know that sounds silly but its a genuine fear i have. . .

Last I checked, collegiate members could not "kick people out." (at least within my particular NPC sorority anyway).

[SWTXBelle]

Hmmm . . . it's a tough situation, no doubt. If the violations you speak of are hazing in nature, you can call your HQ - do you have a hazing hotline?

Other concerns - well, if you have a few sisters who agree with you perhaps talking to the advisor as a group could help - or even addressing the problems in a chapter meeting. Yes, they will know it is you raising those concerns, but wouldn't they kinda of figure it out anyway? If you could lose the chapter than that should be your tact - not to criticize the group, but to express concern that certain actions could cost you your charter. Good luck.

[ISUKappa]

If you don't feel comfortable talking to your adviser, would you be willing to contact your area/regional person for your org? You should be able to find out who that is from either the organizational website or by making a phone call to your HQ. Or, when your chapter has a traveling consultant visit (I think pretty much all NPCs have these) maybe speak with her privately about your concerns.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Last I checked, collegiate members could not "kick people out." (at least within my particular NPC sorority anyway).

Well, the collegiate members can recommend someone for termination and trump up some really nasty sounding charges. I know you mean the national office/council/HQ has to approve the termination, but AFAIK unless the member fights it, I think they usually go through.

Anyway.

tornup -

Here's a question - do you like the girls currently in your chapter? Do you feel comfortable with them and like you have a bond with them? Would you be friends even if you weren't sisters?

Also, I would wait until rush is over (assuming you have formal rush in the fall) to do anything - oftentimes one pledge class can turn a small chapter completely around. If you have friends that you think would be a good addition to the chapter, encourage them to rush. My big big's class came into the chapter (which was basically being run by 3 women) and said among themselves that they were going to change things and just did it with who they rushed, how they presented themselves on campus, how they ran their offices. If they would have stood up at meetings and said "we are going to make a big change" it would have gone over like a lead balloon.

I'm not going to advise going in gangbusters and saying "we do all this stuff wrong and we must change" or going to your nationals because either way, you might end up without a chapter - either because you would end up quitting if the other sisters didn't agree with you, or because your national shut your chapter down. The only way I would recommend that is if hazing practices are going on that could endanger someone's life and/or health. (I don't get this from your post though, it sounds more like really bad operational issues.)

[Tom Earp]

Originally Posted by tornup

Thats what in my heart I want to do because I know that we have amazing potential to be a great chapter I just worry that the few girls (were a very small chapter) who run the E-Board will NOT be open to change and it will just cause me to be disliked by the chapter as a whole. Its hard for me to explain the violations/problems my chapter has been dealing with because I dont want to be to identifying. But trust me when i say its not small violations against the constituion its things that could and probably would get us a serious look from nationals if not get are charter pulled...

Im just incredibly frustrated and even in wanting to try and change it i have no idea where to start. . .

I think many of us have been there and there is nothing is wrong with your thinking!

But, you and you alone will have to make the decission!

I can do nothing but hope the very best for you.

[tornup]

It is organizational issue and not hazing or anything with peoples lives in danger. To answer the question about are these the girls that i would be friends with without my sorority that is going into rush and the new member process yes i absolutely thought that but after that shine wore off and it got down to the nitty gritty of who they really are i have very little in common with the girls who are the most active and causing the most problems and the girls that i have much in common with are older and either alums or son to be alums so their at the point where they know the problems but theirs almost out of the chapter so they don't have the energy/time/drive to do anything about.

Its just a frustrating situation because I feel like even if i bring up a simple issue like the idea that academics should come first above everything else the "leaders" so to speak are girls who don't have stellar academics so its not a change they would be willing to make.

I think a huge issue is that i've spent a lot of time reading on GC and have family members who've been greek at strong greek schools but no one else in my chapter has that background. So i look at are chapter and see how incredibly backwards we are from most sororities and what we should and could be but they don't have that view of other greek systems and any time i've tried to mention anything about that idea i just shushed like im stupid and don't know anything. . . .

[Tom Earp]

First thing is not to beleive some of the things you just hear and from who hear you it from on G C!

Be ware!