Advice for a second-timer

[WhySoSerious]

I wish I had found this site before I rushed last fall. You all seem to be so friendly and helpful and I was wondering if I could get some advice.

I did formal rush at my school last fall (rush is only moderately competitive-I don't know how the rest of you managed with such intense rush experiences!). I went in with not the best attitude about the whole thing as I was so intimidated by the whole process and not sure I wanted to join a sorority yet at all. The rush site said the first day was casual so I wore a t-shirt, a ponytail, and little makeup. I think in some way I was testing the sororities to see how superficial they were (I dress dressier than that normally) but needless to say I was underdressed compared to other PNM's... Anyway I went in doing all of the things this site has basically taught me not to do, saying I felt tired, overwhelmed, and not sure I wanted to join any sorority- generally not excited. I got asked back to about half and realized that I had been going about the whole thing the wrong way. I tried to correct my attitude for the next houses but the damage was already done as the ones I could see myself in had cut me. I stuck it out and joined the one I thought fit me the best to try it out.

The sorority ended up being the completely wrong match for me. I probably should have gotten the hint when all of our pledge gifts were various drinking paraphernalia with the letters on them. At our new member retreat the pledge class above us did their song and dance, which was, to put it lightly, lewd. "We rock the frat guys' fill-in-the-blank..." and other rude comments about other sororities. I could not see myself proudly introducing the girls to other friends. They weren't all like that but it was not for me. I de-pledged before initiation and had a wonderful rest of freshman year.

The idea of joining a sorority has still stuck with me as I really love the idea of it and I'm considering rushing again this fall. Several of my friends are in other sororities and I've realized I probably joined the most extreme on the "stereotypical sorority" scale at my school. My question is whether or not I can have realistic expectations about joining a sorority that already cut me? I have friends in a few different ones now and there's only a couple that don't generally take sophomores. But should I be expecting that my having rushed and pledged previously is going to negatively affect my chances? I can't imagine that they would just forget about it/not talk to my old sorority or anything. It's not like I left on bad terms but I don't think they would go on about how wonderful I was... Anyway I hope you can give me general advice as I don't know much about the other side of rush and what factors in. Any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks!

[epchick]

Originally Posted by WhySoSerious

But should I be expecting that my having rushed and pledged previously is going to negatively affect my chances? I can't imagine that they would just forget about it/not talk to my old sorority or anything. It's not like I left on bad terms but I don't think they would go on about how wonderful I was... Anyway I hope you can give me general advice as I don't know much about the other side of rush and what factors in. Any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks!

Every recruitment is going to be different, but I can tell you about my experience. My school is not competitive at all, but I was cut heavily (we only have 2 NPCs, but the year I rushed all the sororities--locals and non-NPCs, except the NPHC ones, were part of recruitment). The year before I had started to pledge a non-NPC sorority, but dropped out soon after.

You should expect to get cut, even if you didn't leave on bad terms.

Originally Posted by WhySoSerious

I wish I had found this site before I rushed last fall. You all seem to be so friendly and helpful and I was wondering if I could get some advice.

I did formal rush at my school last fall (rush is only moderately competitive-I don't know how the rest of you managed with such intense rush experiences!). I went in with not the best attitude about the whole thing as I was so intimidated by the whole process and not sure I wanted to join a sorority yet at all. The rush site said the first day was casual so I wore a t-shirt, a ponytail, and little makeup. I think in some way I was testing the sororities to see how superficial they were (I dress dressier than that normally) but needless to say I was underdressed compared to other PNM's... Anyway I went in doing all of the things this site has basically taught me not to do, saying I felt tired, overwhelmed, and not sure I wanted to join any sorority- generally not excited. I got asked back to about half and realized that I had been going about the whole thing the wrong way. I tried to correct my attitude for the next houses but the damage was already done as the ones I could see myself in had cut me. I stuck it out and joined the one I thought fit me the best to try it out.

The sorority ended up being the completely wrong match for me. I probably should have gotten the hint when all of our pledge gifts were various drinking paraphernalia with the letters on them. At our new member retreat the pledge class above us did their song and dance, which was, to put it lightly, lewd. "We rock the frat guys' fill-in-the-blank..." and other rude comments about other sororities. I could not see myself proudly introducing the girls to other friends. They weren't all like that but it was not for me. I de-pledged before initiation and had a wonderful rest of freshman year.

The idea of joining a sorority has still stuck with me as I really love the idea of it and I'm considering rushing again this fall. Several of my friends are in other sororities and I've realized I probably joined the most extreme on the "stereotypical sorority" scale at my school. My question is whether or not I can have realistic expectations about joining a sorority that already cut me? I have friends in a few different ones now and there's only a couple that don't generally take sophomores. But should I be expecting that my having rushed and pledged previously is going to negatively affect my chances? I can't imagine that they would just forget about it/not talk to my old sorority or anything. It's not like I left on bad terms but I don't think they would go on about how wonderful I was... Anyway I hope you can give me general advice as I don't know much about the other side of rush and what factors in. Any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks!

I bolded the above because I'm not sure what kind of information we can provide without delving into private membership info.

Still, the fact that you acknowledge that you went into rush last year with not the greatest of attitudes is a positive sign. You see things differently now, and maybe the houses will also see you differently too, instead of that naive freshman from last year.

Worrying about something is like praying for something bad to happen. Instead of thinking about how your previous experience might hurt your chances, put forth some effort in making the opposite happen. Ask your friends in the sororities to put you in touch with alums who can write you recs. Even if recs aren't mandatory on your campus, it doesn't hurt to have them. It might just show the sororities that you were willing to do the footwork and show them how much you want to be a part of a sisterhood.

[KSUViolet06]

As far as how sororities decide whether girls get invited back or get bids, that's part of the Membership Selection process of the sorority and is considered private.

As far whether having depledged last year will hurt you this year, it really depends on how your school is. Where I went to school, there were girls who depledged and rushed again, who got bids.

It's really hard to say whether you'll get a bid or not, but honestly, you have nothing to lose by trying again. You know that there are things you should've done differently, so I'd just go though again and see what happens.

[basket96]

I'd also recommend being honest when asked about your experience last year. "I did not go through with the right attitude and did not end up where I was comfortable. Now that I am more mature, I realize I want to embrace the sorority experience in a positive way". Definitely do NOT say anything bad about the house where you depledged. I mean all of us at age 18 have made stupid mistakes, so hopefully that will help them see that you are serious about pursuing membership with them and give you that second chance you desire.

I hope it works out for you!

As an adviser for over 10 years, I have seen women go through recruitment, depledge and then go through again and get bids.

[violetpretty]

I agree with basket96. Don't trash your depledged chapter. I think you should emphasize the positive qualities you are looking for in a chapter, rather than say what turned you off about your depledged chapter. Definitely don't try to lie about depledging the chapter if they ask, just don't be negative. I can't speak for another campus as to whether depledging one chapter will hurt your chances for your second rush. Good luck.

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I agree with basket96. Don't trash your depledged chapter. I think you should emphasize the positive qualities you are looking for in a chapter, rather than say what turned you off about your depledged chapter. Definitely don't try to lie about depledging the chapter if they ask, just don't be negative. I can't speak for another campus as to whether depledging one chapter will hurt your chances for your second rush. Good luck.

I totally agree. It might very well be that the sororities already know about the stuff your DP'ed sorority does...so you don't need to say anything negative about them.

[breathesgelatin]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

As far whether having depledged last year will hurt you this year, it really depends on how your school is. Where I went to school, there were girls who depledged and rushed again, who got bids.

This was true at my school, and I went to a fairly competitive school.

I would say in these cases a lot depends on how many and how close of a friends you are with girls in the chapter. If you have some friends in chapters and they already kinda know why you depledged, it might not hurt you at all. That's as much as I'll say.

Again, the worst that can happen is that you do not receive a bid. In that case, you're not in any different situation than you are now.

I do think you can probably expect to be released by the chapter you depledged. But I'm sure you've put that together on your own.

[Kansas City]

I totally agree with being politely honest about your past sorority experiences. We all make mistakes. You mention that you know some ladies in other houses, so this might help you in making your story and desires known "behind the scenes". You definitely can't go wrong by showing a genuine interest this time around and if the cuts are severe on your campus (due to the de-pledge, sophomore status, etc.) you might keep an open mind for informal recruitment later in the year, if available.

[FSUZeta]

as to your former sorority talking about you to the other sororities, i doubt that will happen. noone besides panhellenic knows who is participating in recruitment, unless the chapter receives a recommendation on someone, and even then, receiving a rec. is not a guarantee that the pnm will go thru recruitment. once recruitment begins, in my experience the sororities are way too busy to share information about pnms with other chapters on campus, and they kind of close ranks anyhow, because they want their secrets(who they are inviting back, what they are wearing tomorrow, etc.) kept secret.

[breathesgelatin]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

as to your former sorority talking about you to the other sororities, i doubt that will happen. noone besides panhellenic knows who is participating in recruitment, unless the chapter receives a recommendation on someone, and even then, receiving a rec. is not a guarantee that the pnm will go thru recruitment. once recruitment begins, in my experience the sororities are way too busy to share information about pnms with other chapters on campus, and they kind of close ranks anyhow, because they want their secrets(who they are inviting back, what they are wearing tomorrow, etc.) kept secret.

Not true everywhere...

[WhySoSerious]

I'm pretty sure they will all know I've depledged as it's on the application and I'm also fairly certain all the sororities have lists of who is rushing. I'm also not too concerned about being cut from the sorority I already depledged... My question is how I should bring this up, whether to start right off the bat with it to get it out of the way or to wait until they ask why I'm rushing/why sophomore year etc. I don't plan on saying anything more negative then "it wasn't a good fit but I'm not giving up on the process and want to join a sorority that is a better match." I just want to be as careful as possible because I would really like to join one and hope I didn't ruin my chances by making that mistake last year...

Originally Posted by WhySoSerious

I'm pretty sure they will all know I've depledged as it's on the application and I'm also fairly certain all the sororities have lists of who is rushing. I'm also not too concerned about being cut from the sorority I already depledged... My question is how I should bring this up, whether to start right off the bat with it to get it out of the way or to wait until they ask why I'm rushing/why sophomore year etc. I don't plan on saying anything more negative then "it wasn't a good fit but I'm not giving up on the process and want to join a sorority that is a better match." I just want to be as careful as possible because I would really like to join one and hope I didn't ruin my chances by making that mistake last year...

I wouldn't bring it up unless asked.

Also, I'd caution against saying that you're looking for a sorority that's a better match. A comment like that still suggests a negative opinion of your DP-ed sorority, IMO.

[WhySoSerious]

Hm, alright I guess you're right... Thanks for all the help guys I really appreciate it!

[WhySoSerious]

hey guys i'm trying to come up with exactly what i'm going to say about the situation so that i don't come off sounding negative but i can't seem to find the right words for it. i'm thinking of saying that like one of the previous posters suggested "i joined one that i didn't feel comfortable at" and that i'm "ready to commit to a sorority" but it still sounds a little negative to me. any other advice?