Still looking for a home after the storm

[rileykae]

The summer of 2016, I had an experience that would change my life forever - my privacy, wellbeing and sense of identity as a female were taken from me when I was assaulted in June of 2016. Due to that, my gender identity flipped from female to genderfluid, and I wanted nothing to do with the woman that I was because I had been taken advantage of. Being so, I went into Sept 2016 looking at the different Greek orgs - but looking a fraternities that may accept gender fluid individuals.

As luck would have it, one opened their heart and let me in, but things only got worse from there.

I have disaffiliated from them because my wellbeing, mental health and general quality of life were heavily being affected by the organization in a negative way. I was being manipulated and taken advantage of by one of the members of the org and his girlfriend constantly, and when i tried confronting them about it, it was denied and no one would listen to me. It grew to the point where my schooling and participation in other things were being affected due to the anxiety and guilt I felt over things that were happening. And because the organization's alumni were doing nothing to help me in this time or fix the people that were an issue, I feel I had no choice but to leave in order to protect myself.

But that wasn't all, before I left, for a solid three months prior, I hadn't felt like I belonged. My identity was female again by that time, like it is currently and will always stay, and I wanted to find a group of people that I could be myself with - by joining the fraternity under the circumstances I had, I knew I couldn't do that.

In leaving I became my true self again, but due to the abuse I was put through, I feel like I'll never find a home again.

I was wondering if there is a precedent for a person like me looking into a sorority to find a home in greek life after such an experience and if I am even allowed to continue trying to find a home where I truly belong.

If anyone can help me think this through and maybe offer any advice, please let me know.