Anti-Greek parents

COBaby · #1 04-12-2009, 05:46 PM

I hate to have my first post be a new thread, because that's a newbie no-no, but I feel like I can't be the only one in this situation. I did a search and the closest thing I found to this was on Phi Mu's page some time ago.

So:
I was just COB'd into an amazing sorority with a group of girls that I adore.

My mom and I have always been really close, but she absolutely hates sororities, and I think she's pretty upset about this. She says it's an "unnatural" way to make friends and talks about how mean the sorority girls at her college were.

Has anyone here had anti-Greek parents before? How did you deal with it? What can I tell my mom so she'll understand what a positive experience this is for me?

(Mods: if this is misplaced or a repeat thread, please move/delete.)

aephi alum · #2 04-12-2009, 06:19 PM

There have been similar threads on this topic before, but they all seem to be a few years old. If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, you'll see a section labeled "Similar Threads". You may want to check those out.

Anyway. My father is vehemently anti-greek. According to him, the fraternities at his school openly hazed and were known more for drinking and partying than anything else. (This was in the 1950's.) So when I told him I was rushing, he hit the roof. But there wasn't a thing he could do to stop me.

My mother went to college overseas, so she really didn't know what a sorority was. So I told her all about the positive aspects of being in a sorority.

During Parents' Weekend (which was a few weeks into the semester - I was still a pledge) my sorority hosted a parents' brunch, and my parents had the opportunity to actually meet my sisters. My mother didn't really have a pre-formed opinion of the greek system, and my sisters made a very favorable impression on her. And my father's opinion turned right around. He came to realize that I had joined a group where new members are given a warm welcome and treated with respect, not a group where pledges are paddled and forced to chug beer and do shots of tequila. (And, really, he should know me better than that. I'm not the sort of person who's so desperate to "belong" that I'd put up with hazing.)

So, you could try simply arranging for your mother to meet some of your sisters. Next time your mother is in town, invite her to have lunch or coffee with you, your big, and maybe another sister or two that you're close to. Maybe once your mother meets your sisters, her opinion will change.

Smile_Awhile · #3 04-12-2009, 06:42 PM

My parents aren't anti-Greek per say, but my mother still doesn't understand why I choose to be in a sorority. She went to a school without Greek life- all she has to go on are stereotypes. My dad, curiously, hasn't seemed to care- interesting only because his alma mater has a large Greek system.

What has helped them to understand is seeing my friendships with these women. Today, I went to an Easter service with one of my sisters, and she invited me to eat lunch with herself and her family. Considering there would have been only 3 of them, this was a beautiful gesture that I deeply appreciated, especially since I couldn't be with my own family. I think, little by little, she's beginning to understand. And while she may never be the kind of mother who would appreciate a mother's pin, I think she'll continue to support me.

Sidenote- aephi_alum: I LOVE the Firefly quote. 2nd best cancelled series ever (behind Pushing Daisies, for me).

phimusam · #4 04-12-2009, 10:32 PM

Sometimes it never changes. If that turns out to be your case, just learn to not discuss it.

Gusteau · #5 04-12-2009, 10:37 PM

I wouldn't classify my parents as anti-greek but they are completely dumbfounded by the whole thing. They just don't see past the negative stereotype. I'm kind of trying little by little to get them to understand and show them how happy I am with my fraternity. It helps a bit but they unfortunately they've been seeing a lot of the stress I'm feeling due to my leadership position and not any of the small things I love about it. So because of that they're a little anti-fraternity right now. Hopefully they'll get it someday.

My dream is to have my dad become an alumni initiate, but until I know he understands what Delta Chi means to me I'll be vehemently opposed to it. Maybe some day...

fullergirl · #6 04-12-2009, 11:29 PM

I would like to know the name of the children of our founders. Please reply.

IUHoosiergirl88 · #7 04-13-2009, 04:43 PM

I wouldn't say my dad is really anti-Greek, but moreso confused about the whole thing. My dad didn't attend college, and was a little dismayed about the superficiality of the recruitment process, but now that I'm in a house, he's perfectly okay with it

Although when I took him by my actual sorority house (I'm not living in until next year), he laughed and said it was bigger than he'd anticipated...he pictured it being this little Victorian house :]

fullergirl · #8 04-13-2009, 06:23 PM

did the founders mof zeta phi beta have children

kddani · #9 04-13-2009, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fullergirl

did the founders mof zeta phi beta have children

No. They were all sterile. It's part of the initiation ritual.

COBaby · #10 04-13-2009, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

No. They were all sterile. It's part of the initiation ritual.

I understand that they budded, similar to sponges?

Thanks to everyone who replied. I've invited my Big to come stay this summer. I feel like once my mom meets these girls, she'll understand that they're not her image of the "sorority girl."

Also maybe by then the shock will have worn off for my father.

DoubleTDG · #11 04-14-2009, 12:00 AM

I know I'm a little late, but I thought I should chime in. My parents were both very very anti-Greek. I was a spring COB girl and didn't tell my mom I was rushing until I had accepted my bid. I talked my mom into coming to our founder's day/mom's weekend, and she realized why I joined. She was really excited to see girls getting rewarded for good grades. My father's mind changed when during spring break my grandmother died and even though I hadn't been initiated, my sisters sent flowers to the funeral. My mom is now encouraging my 16 year old sister to join a sorority when she goes to college because she has seen what an impact it made in my life and is still making.

Feel free to PM me if you have questions.

Elephant Walk · #12 04-14-2009, 02:55 AM

My parents weren't anti-Greek...

However, take them to Mom's/Dad's Day. They'll love it!

epchick · #13 04-14-2009, 02:58 AM

My mom is still anti-greek. She doesn't understand why i'm involved with the alumnae panhellenic. Honesty, if your parents are anti-greek there isn't a lot that you can say...you'll have to show her.

Show her by getting better grades, by volunteering with your chaper, but bringing her to parents days (or things like that). You might not be able to change her mind, but at least she can see what you are involved with.

Miriverite · #14 07-29-2010, 02:32 PM

Ignoring the fact that you're replying to an old post... I wouldn't say that parents who are "anti-greek" are "just stupid", and it's a hasty generalization to say that "most intelligent people can see the benefits of greek life." Back when parents were in college, many frats/sororities hazed a lot more heavily than they did today. As parents, they naturally wouldn't want their child to go through something like that; likewise, as parents, they would probably prefer to play it safe (don't rush at all) instead of trying a new venture. It's just a difference in mindset. I can definitely see the benefits of Greek life, but like all the other intelligent people, I can definitely see the detriments.

rhoyaltempest · #15 07-29-2010, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miriverite

Ignoring the fact that you're replying to an old post... I wouldn't say that parents who are "anti-greek" are "just stupid", and it's a hasty generalization to say that "most intelligent people can see the benefits of greek life." Back when parents were in college, many frats/sororities hazed a lot more heavily than they did today. As parents, they naturally wouldn't want their child to go through something like that; likewise, as parents, they would probably prefer to play it safe (don't rush at all) instead of trying a new venture. It's just a difference in mindset. I can definitely see the benefits of Greek life, but like all the other intelligent people, I can definitely see the detriments.

I agree that the other poster's comment was uncalled for but once your child becomes a member despite your opposition and is obviously having a great time and a positive experience overall, I too don't understand why a parent wouldn't be supportive and happy for the outcome. It seems selfish to continue to put your child's choice and organization down because of something that happened or that you observed in your past, especially when your child is not having such an experience. I know it's natural but sometimes parents can be quite selfish when it comes to the lives their children choose to lead, especially since they have in fact raised them to be independent and think for themselves.