Advice please.

Leilah3 · #1 07-10-2010, 02:23 PM

Hello! I am going to be rushing in the fall and I was reading up on the sororities at my school. I noticed that one of their philanthropies was domestic violence awareness. My dad used to be abusive towards the rest of my family, so having experienced that in my home life I can really relate to the cause. I was wondering if discussing how I can relate to their philanthropy would be an acceptable topic or not. I would really appreciate advice. Thank you!

DrPhil · #2 07-10-2010, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leilah3

Hello! I am going to be rushing in the fall and I was reading up on the sororities at my school. I noticed that one of their philanthropies was domestic violence awareness. My dad used to be abusive towards the rest of my family, so having experienced that in my home life I can really relate to the cause. I was wondering if discussing how I can relate to their philanthropy would be an acceptable topic or not. I would really appreciate advice. Thank you!

The NPCers will weigh in but I think the answer to this is complicated and partially based on two factors:

1. How you convey this point.
2. What you expect to gain from conveying this point.

There are ways to express your experience and appreciation for philanthropy without getting on what some may perceive to be a "soapbox." There are topics that people do not want discussed during recruitment and sharing personal experiences should be done with caution.

/my opinion...pardon the lane swerve, NPCers

Leslie Anne · #3 07-10-2010, 02:40 PM

I'm sorry to hear that you had to deal with that in your family. As far as bringing it up during Recruitment, it might be a little awkward. A lot of people wouldn't know how to respond to it. Recruitment topics should be light and allow for easy conversation. When philanthropy is brought up, it would be perfectly fine for you to say that domestic abuse is something you feel strongly about and leave it at that.

Good luck!

flowerpower83 · #4 07-10-2010, 03:16 PM

You go Leslie Anne!! Your heart is in the right place Leilah but bringing up a topic like that is just awkward. I would have to remind myself that I liked you and think about the good stuff in you after hearing that. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't some perfect fairy tale but knowing so openly about your abuse is like baggage I don't need in the house. Some girls might not be familiar with domestic abuse and lean on the side of only a poor person or trashy person has that kind of life. I know that sounds really bad but I am being honest with very real feelings. Sometimes harsh truth makes people fickle. Just state to the girls how you are motivated to help women and children in abusive situations and maybe if you join you can speak as an advocate. I really hope people don't find my statement rude. I am speaking from the heart and when you go are trying to join the ideals of the perfect sorority girl is key. You know what I mean, the Grace Kelly image.

ThetaPrincess24 · #5 07-10-2010, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flowerpower83

You go Leslie Anne!! Your heart is in the right place Leilah but bringing up a topic like that is just awkward. I would have to remind myself that I liked you and think about the good stuff in you after hearing that. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't some perfect fairy tale but knowing so openly about your abuse is like baggage I don't need in the house. Some girls might not be familiar with domestic abuse and lean on the side of only a poor person or trashy person has that kind of life. I know that sounds really bad but I am being honest with very real feelings. Sometimes harsh truth makes people fickle. Just state to the girls how you are motivated to help women and children in abusive situations and maybe if you join you can speak as an advocate. I really hope people don't find my statement rude. I am speaking from the heart and when you go are trying to join the ideals of the perfect sorority girl is key. You know what I mean, the Grace Kelly image.

Sorta off topic, but I would also like to add that if this is an issue that you are very passionate about, please dont let membership in another sorority or no sorority at all stop you from getting involved in the cause and becoming an advocate. Always remember that while different sororities have different philanthropies they choose to work with on a national level, most of our collegiate and alumnae members work with other charities and types of service as well.

For example, I'm a Kappa Alpha Theta. Our national philanthropy is CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates). While I certainly support CASA, I also support other charities such as Ronald Mc Donald House, Komen Race for the Cure, Up All Night, St. Judes, and other religious & political groups.

AXOrushadvisor · #6 07-10-2010, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leilah3

Hello! I am going to be rushing in the fall and I was reading up on the sororities at my school. I noticed that one of their philanthropies was domestic violence awareness. My dad used to be abusive towards the rest of my family, so having experienced that in my home life I can really relate to the cause. I was wondering if discussing how I can relate to their philanthropy would be an acceptable topic or not. I would really appreciate advice. Thank you!

Most PNM's say something like "your philanthropy means a lot to me" or "I have a connection with domestic violence" they will leave it more vague. The sorority girls will take note of it, but I don't think they will want to necessarily have a conversation about it. I also don't think you should give them all the background information on what you have been through, but I certainly think it is ok to acknowledge it.

qbt1990 · #7 07-10-2010, 03:39 PM

Also jumping on the no bandwagon... simply because if a girl brought it up during recruitment I think I would panic and not really know how to sound appropriately sympathetic while also trying to change the subject. Best of luck during recruitment!

Leilah3 · #8 07-10-2010, 04:39 PM

I must have phrased what I was saying wrong. I did not mean that I was wondering if it would be okay to talk compleatly open about what happened to me, I know that would be compleatly uncomfortable for anyone to hear about and I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable speaking openly about that with a stranger. I simply meant I was wondering if it was okay to say something about how much I loved the cause because it was something I could relate to. I am compleatly shocked at flowerpower's response though. If in your eyes a person having gone through something difficult makes them seem "poor", "trashy", like "baggage you dont need in your house" and you would need to "try to see the good stuff" in them, thats really sad and I wouldnt want to be part of an organization like that anyways. My experiences are a big part of who I am and if being the "ideal sorority girl" means that I have to pretend I have the ideal life with the ideal family and the perfect friends perhaps sorority life isn't really cut out for me because god knows I am not perfect nor anywhere close. But thank you all for your honest answers, I really appreciate your advice.

IrishLake · #9 07-10-2010, 04:44 PM

(Pay no attention to the potential troll). You can share those experiences with your sisters when you feel good and ready. It's amazing how the support of a sisterhood can help you overcome an experience like this. Only a truely insensative twit would think you trashy, poor, etc. for mentioning you had an abuser in your family. As you can see, it's perfectly fine for you to say "Your philanthropy really means a lot to me, I can really see myself becoming involved in it." Best of luck to you during recruitment! Please let us know how it goes!

IrishLake · #10 07-10-2010, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flowerpower83

I am speaking from the heart and when you go are trying to join the ideals of the perfect sorority girl is key. You know what I mean, the Grace Kelly image.

Pretty sure Leslie Ann was not saying AT ALL what you are saying.

And.... I call bullshit. That is NOT what sororities are looking for when you go through recruitment. That is a stereotype, you know it, and anyone with a lick of sense knows what you're trying to say is complete BS.

sydney bristow · #11 07-10-2010, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flowerpower83

You go Leslie Anne!! Your heart is in the right place Leilah but bringing up a topic like that is just awkward. I would have to remind myself that I liked you and think about the good stuff in you after hearing that. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't some perfect fairy tale but knowing so openly about your abuse is like baggage I don't need in the house. Some girls might not be familiar with domestic abuse and lean on the side of only a poor person or trashy person has that kind of life. I know that sounds really bad but I am being honest with very real feelings. Sometimes harsh truth makes people fickle. Just state to the girls how you are motivated to help women and children in abusive situations and maybe if you join you can speak as an advocate. I really hope people don't find my statement rude. I am speaking from the heart and when you go are trying to join the ideals of the perfect sorority girl is key. You know what I mean, the Grace Kelly image.

Oh hey sup perpberry.

Leslie Anne · #12 07-10-2010, 05:10 PM

Leilah3,
Please ignore flowerpot's comments. She/he/it is just a troll trying to cause problems on Greekchat. There is no such thing as a "perfect sorority girl" and you are just fine the way you are. Sorority life is for all types of women with all kinds of backgrounds and experiences.

dreamseeker · #13 07-10-2010, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flowerpower83

Don't get me wrong, my life isn't some perfect fairy tale but knowing so openly about your abuse is like baggage I don't need in the house.

shut up, troll.

ree-Xi · #14 07-10-2010, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flowerpower83

You go Leslie Anne!! Your heart is in the right place Leilah but bringing up a topic like that is just awkward. I would have to remind myself that I liked you and think about the good stuff in you after hearing that. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't some perfect fairy tale but knowing so openly about your abuse is like baggage I don't need in the house. Some girls might not be familiar with domestic abuse and lean on the side of only a poor person or trashy person has that kind of life. I know that sounds really bad but I am being honest with very real feelings. Sometimes harsh truth makes people fickle. Just state to the girls how you are motivated to help women and children in abusive situations and maybe if you join you can speak as an advocate. I really hope people don't find my statement rude. I am speaking from the heart and when you go are trying to join the ideals of the perfect sorority girl is key. You know what I mean, the Grace Kelly image.

Really? Sorry, honey, money does not preclude anyone from being either a victim or a perpetrator of domestic abuse. You do live in a fairy tale if you think this is even remotely true.

To the OP: you have been given some great advice. I do want to say that I'm sorry you have had to deal with D.V. in your life. No one deserves that.

Alumiyum · #15 07-10-2010, 06:10 PM

I would refrain from saying anything more than a general statement that shows your personal interest in that particular cause during recruitment. If you join a house and feel comfortable being more specific later on, go ahead. But even if the member you're talking to during a party is a total sweetheart, if you bring up your personal experiences (even indirectly) she might go deer-in-headlights. I would, personally. Some people just don't know what to say without making the situation even more uncomfortable and it just all falls apart. Just express your interest in helping raise money and awareness for their philanthropy and since you're obviously sincere about that, they'll realize you'll be an active participant in philanthropy activities.

In otherwords, I wouldn't say that you can "relate to it" during a recruitment party because if you get an awkward annie like I am it could turn into an unpleasantly stilted conversation during the party. Just be yourself and the fact that you really do care about the cause will be obvious.