Relationship hypothetical question

cheerfulgreek · #1 04-10-2008, 07:54 PM

Let's say you're in a monogamous long term serious relationship, and you've been with this guy for 3 years or more. You're not married to him, and you both don't have any children. You love him very much and you know he's the person you want to stay with. What would you do if he was very honest with you, felt guilty and he told you that he thought about cheating on you with a woman he works with 5 days a week. He told you that he went to dinner with her after work a few times, and almost went to her place but he decided not to, because he was taken and he loves you. Would you leave him, or would you stay and try to work it out. Remember he was very honest with you. He didn't kiss her or touch her, he only had dinner with her.

Though I would be very hurt and I would hate the fact that he has to work with her, I would stay with him and try to work it out. I guess since he was honest with me and the physical act didn't happen, I would stay.

What would you do?

Guys feel free to answer too if it was your gf.

KSUViolet06 · #2 04-10-2008, 08:02 PM

I probably would not stay with him.

My reasoning is that if you went out with her and you started to go home with her, it was more than just a "thought." Furthermore, for him to be entertaining the thought of being with someone else means he is obviously not as committed to me as he says, and he needs to find someone else. If he is thinking so seriously of straying, it's not working out.

DSTCHAOS · #3 04-10-2008, 08:04 PM

Leave him.

AKA_Monet · #4 04-10-2008, 08:19 PM

Not married, no ring--honestly, I would leave...

PrettyBoy · #5 04-11-2008, 01:01 AM

I'd bounce.

Coramoor · #6 04-11-2008, 01:45 PM

Coming from a guy...I don't believe a guy would say that. Not unless he was the stupidest male on the face of the earth. The only reason one would say that is to try and make the other person do the breaking up.

Now, coming from a girl, I would take that as she has already slept with the guy multiple times-probably right before she came home to you. She is saying it b/c she feels guilty, but doesn't want the whole truth to come out and wants your forgiveness. She would take the forgiveness to the 'idea' of cheating and apply it to actually cheating and feel good about herself. And proceed to cheat b/c you have forgiven her.

Glitter650 · #7 04-11-2008, 02:34 PM

If I was married I'd attempt to work it out somehow. If I was engaged, I'd probably call off the engagement and take a step back in the relationship and see what this all meant. Without either of those levels of commitment, ... I'd bounce.

I agree I think he's asking to leave with out having the balls to up and say this relationship isn't working out for me anymore.

Munchkin03 · #8 04-11-2008, 03:30 PM

No commitment? Bounce, bounce, bounce.

TrojanWoman · #9 04-11-2008, 04:58 PM

I agree . . . I'd be out of there. That is a serious symptom of things to come, and personally, I would feel like I deserve better than that.

texas*princess · #10 04-11-2008, 05:36 PM

peace out.

Chief999 · #11 04-18-2008, 09:10 AM

I thought Greeks would be wiser.

You will never find a man who will not be attracted to multiple women. The fact that he CONFESSED his attraction with full remorse is a sure sign that he is a man of his word and his commitments, and that his actions would reflect that of a man of good character, possessed of good morals.

Your boyfriend faced a test of temptation, and he persevered by staying true to fidelity.

If my girlfriend was flirting with other guys but had the self-restraint and respect for our relationship to not cheat on me, I'd totally respect her for that. The thing is, attraction is not a choice. People cannot choose to be attracted or unattracted to others. However, action and behavior IS a choice, and our character and value is based on the choices we make.

33girl · #12 04-18-2008, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

He told you that he went to dinner with her after work a few times

Once is one thing, but that it happened over and over?? As my granny used to say, you can venture into danger.

Bouncety bounce bounce.

Chief999 · #13 04-18-2008, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Once is one thing, but that it happened over and over?? As my granny used to say, you can venture into danger.

Bouncety bounce bounce.

Hm, not too bad of a point. However, If I were in a relationship, and I enjoyed someone else's company, I'd have no qualms with going to dinner with them regardless of my attraction to them because I'd have the complete confidence in my ability to practice self-restraint.

During my previous relationships, I still hung out with the rest of my friends, both guys and girls.

I really can't pass judgement on this specific scenario, though, because we don't know the specific reasons and logistics as to how and why he ended up having dinner with her on multiple occasions. I guess it'll all depend on whether you see the glass as half empty or half full.

DSTCHAOS · #14 04-18-2008, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chief999

I thought Greeks would be wiser.

Yes, when God handed out relationship opinions, he made sure that Greeks and would-be-Greeks were in the front of the line.

Men aren't the only ones who will always find more than one person attractive. Women will do the same. It's called humans being sexual/visual/emotional creatures.

The difference is that you don't continuously put yourself in potentially compromising situations with people and then fess up that you didn't cheat because you loved your SO. You shouldn't have been going out of your way to be in those compromising situations in the first place. That's cheating in itself--just not sex YET. Sure, it's always easy to fess up to something when you did NOT cheat but the man in this scenario doesn't have sound judgment, in general. So the next time he randomly starts hanging out with a woman he's attracted to, he won't necessarily be so forthcoming because he might decide to take advantage of the easy access and cheat.

Wise people "don't start none, won't be none." And wise people know the warning signs in a relationship and get out of it before they waste their time and energy. Since there's no ring, he just made his boyfriend status expire sooner than later.

DSTCHAOS · #15 04-18-2008, 11:33 AM

Most of my friends are male. Platonic friends that I've had for 6-14 years. Handsome men but I'm not attracted to them and I certainly don't ever think "what if?"

And every interaction with these men can be accompanied by, or explained to, my SO with no difficulty. My male friends and I never cross the line in terms of where or how we hang out. It's never an intimate emotional or physical interaction. Never.

The man in this scenario chose to hang with a woman that he was not only attracted to but was considering go further with. You can't have friends of the opposite sex if they are even a little more than platonic. If you have to wonder "do they like me" "would they cheat with me" "do they make me feel like I have to choose between them and my SO" "do they make me feel apologetic for having a SO and not spending time with them or wanting them" then these aren't platonic friendships and they need to be reduced in status to casual acquaintance or cancelled altogether.

Our daily interactions with people are only as complicated and dramatic as we make them. Stop signing up for complications and drama, folks.