Pregnant and in a sorority

ztaberry28 · #1 01-11-2008, 07:06 PM

Im a sophomore at a southern university with a strong greek campus and over Christmas break I found out that I was 8 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend, who is also involved in greek life down here, and i are concerned over how to break the news to our organizations. His obviously wont have as big as an impact, but I am concerned with how I should approach my sisters. Part of me is very excited and wants to share this with them, but I worry about our reputation and rumors that other organizations will start against us if they find out. I don't know if this will cause them to pull my letters or not and I have considered dropping, or waiting to drop until I start to show in about 2 months. I dont know how to approach this situation and there is nothing in our bylaws about this type of problem. I could really use some advice!

KSUViolet06 · #2 01-11-2008, 07:22 PM

Disclaimer: I have NEVER dealt with this situation as an active, so I'm no expert. I also don't know if you plan on keeping the baby, but my advice is based on the assumption that you are.

Somebody correct me if I am wrong, but I don't know if any sorority has a national rule about terminating the membership of those who become pregnant, but some of them DO require them to take early alumna status. I'd speak to someone like an advisor to see if your sorority has such a national policy or local bylaw.

I also suggest telling a sister you can trust, who would be willing to help you "break the news" to the chapter. I wouldn't hide it from them, since that's how rumors get started.

If the sorority does not require you to take alumna status or quit, then the situation is up to you and whether you feel like you can handle preparing to be a mom while being an active sorority member. Like it or not, if you remain active I can pretty much guarantee that people will find out and some will have negative things to say (about both you and ZTA). But then again, it's not your job to be worried about what people will think about you. It's your job to do what's best for you and your baby. Whether that involves remaining active, becoming an alumna, or dropping out altogether, is up to you.

Best of luck to you!

knight_shadow · #3 01-11-2008, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

I don't know if this will cause them to pull my letters or not and I have considered dropping, or waiting to drop until I start to show in about 2 months.

Wow, is it really that serious? I've met several women who have been pregnant/had young children during their undergraduate years. They all seemed to be embraced by their sisters, and in some instances, by other organizations as well.

I'm looking forward to seeing some additional comments about this topic. This is a bit interesting.

Ilaria Ame · #4 01-11-2008, 07:26 PM

i certainly can't speak for your sisters but unless ZTA is a christian sorority (which i'm pretty sure it's not) i can't see why you would have to drop for getting pregnant. i would talk to someone higher up you're close to first (maybe your big sister or someone on E-board that you're friends with) and see what they think about it, because i can understand why you may fear judgement from other groups. i can only hope that your sisters would support you and discuss maturely what would be for the best of the chapter AND you instead of going "OMG SLUT GIMME UR LETTERS".

SWTXBelle · #5 01-11-2008, 07:29 PM

You need to immediately talk to your alumna advisor to find out your options. Will you stay in school after the birth of the baby?

Having a new baby AND going to school will be very taxing. I think going alumna, if an option, may be your best bet. I was in graduate school when I had my first one, and thought it would be a piece of cake to finish my thesis with the new baby. HA! I did finish, but it took 5 extra months - and I could do all my research and writing on my own time.

I wish you and your baby the best. I hope and pray your sisters will be supportive, and that you are able to work it out.

eta -Wait - Christians don't get pregnant??? Even a "Christian" sorority would, I hope, "hate the sin but love the sinner". I would shudder to think that kicking a member out would be their "Christian" response. WWJD, indeed.

epchick · #6 01-11-2008, 07:30 PM

There was a Zeta at my university (at the time I was going through rush) who was still an active & a mom at the same time. Just be honest with your sisters.

TSteven · #7 01-11-2008, 07:36 PM

Congratulations to you and your boyfriend on the birth of a legacy!

You already have some excellent advice. I would just suggest that you make sure that you and your boyfriend "break the news" to your respective chapters at the same time. Otherwise, unwanted rumors may spread.

barnard1897 · #8 01-11-2008, 07:40 PM

Just my thoughts--definitely check into what your national says about this and get the necessary official policy.

You said you were only about 8 weeks along, right? If so, maybe considering holding off on announcing it to everyone for a few more weeks, till you are for sure into 2nd trimester. Not to be a nervous nellie and I'm sure your pregnancy is healthy and fine, but even in the work world, women keep this kind of news under wraps until after 1st trimester--to know with better certainty the pregnancy will be ok (after the initial ultrasound and workup with the OB) and because, frankly, it's no one else's business at this point. Yes, your sorority's reputation could be affected to some degree by this getting out, and if you are someone who drinks. people will probably begin to wonder if you aren't drinking when you're going out, etc. Still, I do know of women who have told the world at 8 weeks, and then...something happens with the pregnancy and perhaps it would have been easier for everyone if the news had not been shared.

violetpretty · #9 01-11-2008, 07:41 PM

Are you planning to keep the baby or give it up for adoption?

barnard1897 · #10 01-11-2008, 07:42 PM

Oops-I re-read your post and saw that you were 8 weeks along at Christmas time. So, never mind--you're probably close to 12 weeks by now!!

I hope your chapter and leaders are supportive of you!! They should be!

violetpretty · #11 01-11-2008, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Wow, is it really that serious? I've met several women who have been pregnant/had young children during their undergraduate years. They all seemed to be embraced by their sisters, and in some instances, by other organizations as well.

I'm looking forward to seeing some additional comments about this topic. This is a bit interesting.

Were these women in NPC sororities at a very Greek Southern school?

knight_shadow · #12 01-11-2008, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Were these women in NPC sororities at a very Greek Southern school?

None are NPC. They were NALFO, NPHC, and local.

One was at a very Greek school (SMU). The others were at much less competitive schools. From what I've read on here, it looks like the Southern Greek school have minds of their own, but I think it's strange that a pregnancy would cause THAT much of a problem.

KSUViolet06 · #13 01-11-2008, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I think it's strange that a pregnancy would cause THAT much of a problem.

NPCs are a completely different animal from NPHCs & NALFO groups. NPCs at BIG SOUTHERN SCHOOLS are even more different.

Ilaria Ame · #14 01-11-2008, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

-Wait - Christians don't get pregnant??? Even a "Christian" sorority would, I hope, "hate the sin but love the sinner". I would shudder to think that kicking a member out would be their "Christian" response. WWJD, indeed.

i meant that that's the only reason i could see why a sorority would kick a girl out...if it's a christian centered sorority that would say she's not adhering to their moral standards. i didn't mean to imply that if she were in one, she would be kicked out. sorry if i was unclear. i would HOPE that kicking a member out wouldn't be their response but i've heard far more bizzare stories come out of christian organizations.

knight_shadow · #15 01-11-2008, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

NPCs are a completely different animal from NPHCs & NALFO groups. NPCs at BIG SOUTHERN SCHOOLS are even more different.

I thought that the differences were mostly with rush/recruitment. I had no idea it extended into active membership as well. Oh well, you learn something new every day.

Just out of curiousity, what kind of problems could arise from an active sister's pregnancy (aside from rumors/image problems)? I'm just trying to gain a better understanding on why this is such a big deal.