Do You Judge?

[als463]

In various threads, we talked about people who judge others, or certain situations based on their own experiences. Some of us (as discussed in another thread) may question where someone attended college-if they attended college-or whether or not they were Greek, in order to judge whether or not they are "good people" or "like us."

Some of us judge people on whether or not they have the same religious beliefs as us. Others judge based upon race or socioeconomic status. Some people base their dating prospects on what they find suitable in a partner. What do you judge? We all do it. I talked about wanting to make this into a thread. We should try and not judge eachother for our beliefs. So, what makes you judge others?

I will start.

While at my military training school, a guy in my platoon walked up to me as I was sitting on a bench and he said to me, "Do you want to read my Satan bible?" I was stunned. I didn't even know something like that existed. While I was curious and thought it might be interesting to check it out (not because I believe in praying to Satan-or whatever they do), I was in fear I would upset God. Therefore, I stopped even talking to that kid in my platoon because he freaked me out. Was it right? Maybe not. I was only 19 and had never left my small town, which is 98% white.

I've told my boyfriend over and over again that I am happy he is educated. I watched both of my parents struggle with paying bills as I grew up and I thought I would never want to deal with that as an adult. I chose to go to college and would find it hard not dating someone who was not college educated. Granted, it is shoved down a teenager's throat that college opens doors to TONS OF MONEY, that is not always the case. I am just set in that way. I do have friends, however, who are not college educated.

Thoughts?

[DaemonSeid]

And if someone says that they don't I judge them to be liars.

End of thread.

[als463]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Everyone judges. Everyone. Every-one. E-ver-y-one. There was never a human who hasn't judge. Even saying something like "...I'll just pray for you and that God takes care of it" is a judgment that the person needs to be prayed for and divinely taken care of.

Great point, DrPhil! You are right about that! It is like what was said in the other thread about how finding out someone is a member of a GLO makes you think, "Wow, they are somewhat like me." Do you find that when you find a person is a member of a GLO, specifically yours, you think, "Okay, I'll give them a chance." I'm not saying you don't give people a chance, initially. I'm just saying that you might listen a little more to what they say because maybe they attended a very good university, or they are a member of your GLO. Maybe they make tons of money or they are of a particular race/ religion.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by als463

Do you find that when you find a person is a member of a GLO, specifically yours, you think, "Okay, I'll give them a chance."

When I am networking.

When I am in the mood for jokes, I will give that person a harder time through organizational satire.

[knight_shadow]

The fact that everyone has different life experiences and frames of reference forces us to judge people and events. As long as folks realize that others have their own points of view, I don't see a problem with it.

Originally Posted by als463

Great point, DrPhil! You are right about that! It is like what was said in the other thread about how finding out someone is a member of a GLO makes you think, "Wow, they are somewhat like me." Do you find that when you find a person is a member of a GLO, specifically yours, you think, "Okay, I'll give them a chance." I'm not saying you don't give people a chance, initially. I'm just saying that you might listen a little more to what they say because maybe they attended a very good university, or they are a member of your GLO. Maybe they make tons of money or they are of a particular race/ religion.

No. I sometimes felt that way when I first crossed, but I've since changed my stance. I'll give someone a chance if s/he says something that makes me want to listen. If you're an idiot who happens to share my letters, you're still an idiot

[als463]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

The fact that everyone has different life experiences and frames of reference forces us to judge people and events. As long as folks realize that others have their own points of view, I don't see a problem with it.



No. I sometimes felt that way when I first crossed, but I've since changed my stance. I'll give someone a chance if s/he says something that makes me want to listen. If you're an idiot who happens to share my letters, you're still an idiot

Okay, fair enough. Do you find yourself drawn to certain types of people moreso than others? I'm not saying that not everyone judges. I guess I am just asking what it is that makes YOU judge people?

I talked about the Satanist thing, but I gave my reasons for it. Anyone else have certain circumstances they want to discuss.

Also-thanks to everyone for keeping this thread going. I'm interested to hear what everyone has to say.

[thetygerlily]

Even if you try not to, it still happens. Human nature- for better or for worse. Interesting question nonetheless.

One of my big ones is smoking. Both of my parents smoke, and I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. I think some smokers are fairly ignorant about how what they do affects others. There's the argument of "I'm only hurting myself, it's my choice"- but I can smell it on you, I know you did it, and yes it does affect me. And when it's in close proximity, yes it does hurt me through secondhand smoke. And just because you doused yourself in cologne and stood outside for 10 minutes in 20 degree weather? Oh yeah, that stench is still there (btw I'm also allergic to fragrance/cologne, sweet). My dad bathed my dog in cologne once so I wouldn't be able to smell it... thanks for trying, dad. I suppose one step further, don't say you're trying to quit if you're not. I get that it's hard, but don't tell me you're quitting as I hear you take a puff on the other end of the phone. So rational or irrational, I innately judge on smoking.

The other one is related to religion... not what religion someone is, or whether they are religious. Rather, my peeves are when I feel someone judging me on religion (even if they have the best intentions, like mentioned above) or if someone doesn't take any personal responsibility. I can understand to some extent "it's God's will" or "what will be will be", but when you get to the point where you're harming others or just plain being outrageously stupid- take some accountability for your actions. Maybe God wants you to.

Phew. /rant.

[DrPhil]

LOL...I remember meeting my first Black person who is an Atheist about 11 years ago. He was also in a BGLO frat.

He was nice, handsome, we had the same major at different universities, and knowing he was in a frat let me know we had some things in common. Then I said something about the Black Church and he told me he's an Atheist. End conversation. LOL. I was still very nice to him but nothing else matters to me if you're an Atheist or a Satanist.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by als463

Okay, fair enough. Do you find yourself drawn to certain types of people moreso than others? I'm not saying that not everyone judges. I guess I am just asking what it is that makes YOU judge people?

I talked about the Satanist thing, but I gave my reasons for it. Anyone else have certain circumstances they want to discuss.

Also-thanks to everyone for keeping this thread going. I'm interested to hear what everyone has to say.

I'm a black man who grew up in the white suburbs, only to join a Latino frat. Needless to say, I'm drawn to many different types of people. Depending on the situation, I'll gravitate toward certain groups (ex. If 98% of the people at an event are uneducated, I'll try to seek out that 2%). That doesn't mean that I harbor any ill-will toward the others (I'm not going to walk into a room and shout "all you non-college grads raise your hands so I know not to talk to you!" I'll interact with people until they give me reasons not to) -- it's just easier to communicate with people that share my point of view.

I do enjoy discussion, though. If I had been approached by the individual with the Satanic "Bible" (if that's what it's even called), I wouldn't immediately shun him. I'm assuming there's a reason he brought up his beliefs. I'd take the opportunity to learn something and possibly inform him about my belief system.

[als463]

Originally Posted by thetygerlily

Even if you try not to, it still happens. Human nature- for better or for worse. Interesting question nonetheless.

One of my big ones is smoking. Both of my parents smoke, and I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. I think some smokers are fairly ignorant about how what they do affects others. There's the argument of "I'm only hurting myself, it's my choice"- but I can smell it on you, I know you did it, and yes it does affect me. And when it's in close proximity, yes it does hurt me through secondhand smoke. And just because you doused yourself in cologne and stood outside for 10 minutes in 20 degree weather? Oh yeah, that stench is still there (btw I'm also allergic to fragrance/cologne, sweet). My dad bathed my dog in cologne once so I wouldn't be able to smell it... thanks for trying, dad. I suppose one step further, don't say you're trying to quit if you're not. I get that it's hard, but don't tell me you're quitting as I hear you take a puff on the other end of the phone. So rational or irrational, I innately judge on smoking.

The other one is related to religion... not what religion someone is, or whether they are religious. Rather, my peeves are when I feel someone judging me on religion (even if they have the best intentions, like mentioned above) or if someone doesn't take any personal responsibility. I can understand to some extent "it's God's will" or "what will be will be", but when you get to the point where you're harming others or just plain being outrageously stupid- take some accountability for your actions. Maybe God wants you to.

Phew. /rant.

Bravo! Wow, I agree with the smoking thing. Believe it or not, both my parents used to smoke and my boyfriend's parents both smoked and he and I do NOT smoke. He even said it is a turn-off to him when he sees a hot girl smoke.

I get upset when my friends/ family members who had children out of wedlock and are receiving assistance from the Government get on me for not having kids myself, yet. I will. I just choose to be able to give my children everything I never had. It drives me nuts when women who never had a job a day in their lives say, "I take care of my kids. They wear the best namebrand clothes and have the latest toys." Taking care of your kids means providing for them, not expecting tax payers to provide expensive things for them as you smoke that cig. that you can't afford.

Phew./ Rant...Thanks Tigerlilly, I had to get that out.

[als463]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I'm a black man who grew up in the white suburbs, only to join a Latino frat. Needless to say, I'm drawn to many different types of people. Depending on the situation, I'll gravitate toward certain groups (ex. If 98% of the people at an event are uneducated, I'll try to seek out that 2%). That doesn't mean that I harbor any ill-will toward the others (I'm not going to walk into a room and shout "all you non-college grads raise your hands so I know not to talk to you!" I'll interact with people until they give me reasons not to) -- it's just easier to communicate with people that share my point of view.

I do enjoy discussion, though. If I had been approached by the individual with the Satanic "Bible" (if that's what it's even called), I wouldn't immediately shun him. I'm assuming there's a reason he brought up his beliefs. I'd take the opportunity to learn something and possibly inform him about my belief system.

I actually laughed out loud (thank you, I needed that) from this. That is too funny. I agree. I'm not saying you intentionally walk into a room and say, "Uneducated need not apply to be my friend." I'm just saying that you find yourself drawn to people like you.

As far as the satan bible goes, I guess I was more freaked out than anything. Part of me thinks it may be interesting to read it (just to read it), but I'm afraid I would burn in hell. No thanks, not worth it.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by als463

I actually laughed out loud (thank you, I needed that) from this. That is too funny. I agree. I'm not saying you intentionally walk into a room and say, "Uneducated need not apply to be my friend." I'm just saying that you find yourself drawn to people like you.

As far as the satan bible goes, I guess I was more freaked out than anything. Part of me thinks it may be interesting to read it (just to read it), but I'm afraid I would burn in hell. No thanks, not worth it.

I'm not sure how long you knew that guy. If you'd known him for a while and built a friendship before he revealed his beliefs, would you have stopped talking to him?

[als463]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I'm not sure how long you knew that guy. If you'd known him for a while and built a friendship before he revealed his beliefs, would you have stopped talking to him?

Hmmmm...that is a good question. I would have to say, maybe. I only knew him a little. He was in my Army tech. school with me. I didn't really know him that well. I will say that I dated a guy my Freshman year in college who I later found out was an Atheist. I tried to get over it. I just couldn't do it. He was so pissed that I broke up with him for that reason. I just couldn't date him.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by als463

Hmmmm...that is a good question. I would have to say, maybe. I only knew him a little. He was in my Army tech. school with me. I didn't really know him that well. I will say that I dated a guy my Freshman year in college who I later found out was an Atheist. I tried to get over it. I just couldn't do it. He was so pissed that I broke up with him for that reason. I just couldn't date him.

I think dating is a little different. If you're trying to build some sort of life with someone, it makes sense to have similar belief systems.

One of the perks of friendships (in my mind) is being able to interact with people with different backgrounds. If I was only interested in talking to people that were EXACTLY like me, I'd have no reason to talk to anyone else -- I could hang out with myself.

Again, as long as people realize that others may or may not share their beliefs, I don't have a problem with them.

[Kevin]

It's not that you judge.

It's why you judge.