Don't Fit in....

[Cutiexxxhail]

Hey Everyone! I am currently pledging a sororiety at my school. Durring rush, I was torn between two. I am now regretting the descion I made. I know it has only been a few weeks since I pledged, but I feel unhappy in the choice. All the girls are clique-y and I do not find that any of them want to talk to me. I cannot be myself infront of these girls. I feel like my pledge class hates me and do things without me often.

Did anyone else go through this ever?? Do you think this will change?? Should I drop the sororiety? Does anyone have any advice?

[KSUViolet06]

If you really have only just begun your new member period like 2-3 weeks ago, you should give it a few weeks. Sometimes it takes a little while for people to warm up to each other. There are girls in my sorority that I didn't initially hang out with at all, that I'm really close to now.

Try to go to as many events as possible so you can get to know not only your pledge class but other girls in the sorority. Remember, you don't have to ONLY hang out with your pledge class. My best friends in my sorority are not from my class.

[Phimuteach]

KSUViolet gave some good advice.

There must be a reason why you picked this sorority. Did you bond with someone during rush? If so, ask her to hang out. You don't have to only hang out with your pledge sisters. We all have our moments when we feel "left out", but most of the time it's just in your head!

Give it some time and serious thought before dropping out. If you do drop, you'll have to wait a year before accepting a bid elsewhere.

[Eirbear]

I have to also agree with KSUViolet and Phimuteach. Sometimes things can be a little awkward at the beginning of your new member period. Stick it out for a little while longer and see if things get better. More than likely, you'll get to know some Sisters or fellow New Members better and then everything will feel a lot better in the clique category. Every sorority is a little clique-y.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Cutiexxxhail

Hey Everyone! I am currently pledging a sorority at my school. During rush, I was torn between two. I am now regretting the descion I made. I know it has only been a few weeks since I pledged, but I feel unhappy in the choice. All the girls are clique-y and I do not find that any of them want to talk to me. I cannot be myself infront of these girls. I feel like my pledge class hates me and do things without me often.

Did anyone else go through this ever??

Yes, probably very very very many people on this board and probably a few people who ended up as president of their chapters.

If you chose them for the right reasons - i.e. you liked the girls better - rather than the wrong reasons - i.e. they are more popular on campus and date hot guys - you should be fine.

You don't HAVE to be best friends with the people in your pledge class. I certainly wasn't.

[Tom Earp]

Remember, it is a learning process with not only You, the Actives, but Your Pledge Sisters.

If it has been a few weeks only, then give it a little more time. If you still feel the same way, then you can depledge.

You will then have the chance to try with the other GLO. But, I still wonder why you picked one over the other in the first place. There must have been a reason.

While I was pledging there were definately cliques...there were a few girls that I *really* didn't like, too. I really tried to be their friends, and eventually we all came together. Senior year I lived with those two girls, and if you had told me that while I was pledging I would have laughed in your face! More imortantly, I was a bridesmaid in one of the girl's wedding. We're still really tight after pledging 6 years ago. People just want to feel like they belong. I find that if you make an effort, generally things will go well. And if not...you still have the rest of the sisterhood!

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Cutiexxxhail

Hey Everyone! I am currently pledging a sororiety at my school. Durring rush, I was torn between two. I am now regretting the descion I made. I know it has only been a few weeks since I pledged, but I feel unhappy in the choice. All the girls are clique-y and I do not find that any of them want to talk to me. I cannot be myself infront of these girls. I feel like my pledge class hates me and do things without me often.

Did anyone else go through this ever?? Do you think this will change?? Should I drop the sororiety? Does anyone have any advice?

I wouldn't quit. Finish what you started. I went through the same thing. My fraternity brothers tease me all the time because of my personality, but I won't change, and though they still tease me, it's all in fun, we're very close and they love me for me. Things will change for you. Just don't quit, and more importantly be yourself.

[James]

Be charming. Be friendly. Be likeable. Consider it an exercise in personality development.

People should generally like you, even if you don't like them.

[PKTKKG]

Originally Posted by Cutiexxxhail

Hey Everyone! I am currently pledging a sororiety at my school. Durring rush, I was torn between two. I am now regretting the descion I made. I know it has only been a few weeks since I pledged, but I feel unhappy in the choice. All the girls are clique-y and I do not find that any of them want to talk to me. I cannot be myself infront of these girls. I feel like my pledge class hates me and do things without me often.

Did anyone else go through this ever?? Do you think this will change?? Should I drop the sororiety? Does anyone have any advice?

This will sound corny (it always did when my mom said it), but I have found it to be true. You have to be a friend to have a friend. Also along those lines - you will get out of any organization only what you put into it.

I think you will find that in giving, you will receive even more. Only you can make the effort and after giving it some time will see how it works out.

I can tell you that I do think everyone goes through this. There is sort of a let down right after recruitment and all the craziness is over. I remember standing in line before my first meeting where I was to be pinned and officially pledged and thinking "what am I doing here...is this really what I want...have I made the right decision...what does all of this mean".

If you get involved that is the way to get to know people and it should help you get used to this idea of a sorority and help you find your place. Best wishes!

[navane]

There are two things I wanted to add to the discussion.

First, it's human nature for people to want to group together ("get cliquey") in response to being put into a new situation (joining a new organization). It helps make a group of 70 go down to a group of 7. For the most part, time fixes that and people usually get over themselves. Like others here have mentioned, be the best Cutiexxxhail you can be. There was a reason they selected you for membership, they must have liked you at some point or another.

Also, I'm wondering how much this actually has to do with having second thoughts about the sorority more than anything else. The first thing you mentioned was being torn between two sororities during rush and you're wondering if you made the right choice. Are you now going around looking for reasons why your current sorority was the wrong choice in order to make the other sound like it would have been better after all?

For example, say a kid's parents send him to summer camp. Inside, he's worried that he won't make friends and he's feeling a little homesick. Instead of admitting to himself "I'm feeling a little unsure", he's phoning home and telling his parents that the camp is lame, there are too many bugs, the food is gross, his counselor is a dork, and the camp t-shirts are corny. Meanwhile, everyone else is having a great time. It's not the camp, it's him.

If that starts to sound familiar to you, you might like to recognize that maybe you're just feeling uncertain at the moment. Try not to focus on what's wrong, but what's right and what you *can* do.

Just give it some more time. Like KSUViolet06 said, it's only been a few weeks. If you have to, go to a sister you like (perhaps your new member educator) and explain to her that you're feeling a little left out and ask if she has any advice.

I hope everything works out for you!

.....Kelly

[susan314]

Originally Posted by navane

Just give it some more time. Like KSUViolet06 said, it's only been a few weeks. If you have to, go to a sister you like (perhaps your new member educator) and explain to her that you're feeling a little left out and ask if she has any advice.

This is a good idea - the members of the chapter don't know how you're feeling if you don't confide in someone. I'd recommend talking with someone that you feel comfortable with (new member educator, your big, or any other active member). You may be pleasantly surprised at how they step up when they realize that you're not feeling included.

If you're still feeling that way after expressing your feelings and going through your pledge term, then you still have time to decide before initiating whether you really made the right choice for you. But I have a feeling that with time and letting a trusted member know how you feel, the situation will resolve itself.

Good luck!

[AOE2AlphaPhi]

I'd suggest that you talk to one of the older girls who you relate to and who you can trust to be discrete about your concerns. I know a lot of girls who were concerned about their sororities or pledge classes or whatever else before they were initiated and talking to initiated members they trusted really helped them get a different perspective on their situation.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by Jen

Echo the above, but I want to add that if you make an effort to get to know more people, you confide your feelings to members etc and you STILL don't feel you're in the right place after giving it some time, DO NOT go through initiation.

Agreed...if by the 5th week you are still not happy, do NOT go through initiation. Once initiated, and then you resign, you cannot join another NPC sorority.

[guardedbystars]

Originally Posted by PKTKKG

This will sound corny (it always did when my mom said it), but I have found it to be true. You have to be a friend to have a friend. Also along those lines - you will get out of any organization only what you put into it.

I think you will find that in giving, you will receive even more. Only you can make the effort and after giving it some time will see how it works out.

I can tell you that I do think everyone goes through this. There is sort of a let down right after recruitment and all the craziness is over. I remember standing in line before my first meeting where I was to be pinned and officially pledged and thinking "what am I doing here...is this really what I want...have I made the right decision...what does all of this mean".

If you get involved that is the way to get to know people and it should help you get used to this idea of a sorority and help you find your place. Best wishes!

How very true.

When I first joined, I felt incredibly left out. It was only after initiation that I really felt at home with these girls. You only get out what you put in. If you keep thinking that you don't like these girls and that you want to get out of your sorority -- you will act differently and girls will start acting differently around you. If you don't want to be there, you will start showing it. If it really has only been a few weeks, keep going with it. Start going to all the events [if you don't already do--going to all the pledge events weren't mandatory for us, most were though], stopping by the house all the time just to say hi [maybe for dinner -- you pay enough money to be able to do that -- at least my chapter allows out of house sisters to eat at the house a few times a week]. These girls wouldn't have given you a bid if they didn't like you; keep that in mind.

I used to think that I made the wrong decision everyday and I definitely thought of dropping a few times, but I know now THAT would have been the wrong decision. I love my sisters, I love the house, I love everything that we do.

Best of luck and update us!