GreekChat.com Forums  

Go Back   GreekChat.com Forums > General Chat Topics > Dating & Relationships
Register FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

» GC Stats
Members: 329,722
Threads: 115,665
Posts: 2,204,962
Welcome to our newest member, abrandarko6966
» Online Users: 1,888
1 members and 1,887 guests
redmango
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-28-2006, 03:44 PM
valkyrie valkyrie is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: WWJMD?
Posts: 7,560
Exclusivity -- too soon?

Situation:

Woman goes on pretty lame date (dinner and errand-like shopping) with guy. She doesn't seem to be into him and even makes a list of things that bugged her and why she's not into him.

Three days later, woman goes on second date with guy. This time, something "clicks" and she digs him.

A few days later, guy says he wants woman to "be his girlfriend."

My response: TOO SOON!!!!!!!!!!

Woman's response: Why?
_______

So here's my question -- why is it too soon, or am I wrong?

My first thought is that unless you're a teenager, bringing up the exclusivity issue (which is what "be his girlfriend" means to me) after the second non-spectacular date reeks of desperation and/or creepy. I think there is something wrong with a person who would do that, and running for the hills might be a good idea. If you disagree, please explain.
__________________
A hiney bird is a bird that flies in perfectly executed, concentric circles until it eventually flies up its own behind and poof! disappears forever....
-Ken Harrelson
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-28-2006, 04:32 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Hotel Oceanview
Posts: 34,519
A lot of people our age simply don't understand casual dating. I don't know why, but it's true. They go on more than one date with someone and it's automatically a relationship.

Unless there's an amazing connection, which there wasn't the way you describe it, it's way too soon. I'm guessing the woman is desperate for anything male and hooking on to the first thing that asks.
__________________
It is all 33girl's fault. ~DrPhil
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-28-2006, 04:43 PM
SydneyK SydneyK is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,952
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl View Post
I'm guessing the woman is desperate for anything male and hooking on to the first thing that asks.
Likewise, it sounds like the guy is desperate for anything female and leeching on to the first woman who makes it through date #2. And yes, I think that's creepy. (It also makes me wonder what date #3 must be like - it probably includes discussions about marriage and kids, and IMO date #3 is WAY too soon for that type of conversation.)
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-28-2006, 05:10 PM
KSig RC KSig RC is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Who you calling "boy"? The name's Hand Banana . . .
Posts: 6,984
Quote:
Originally Posted by valkyrie View Post
Situation:

Woman goes on pretty lame date (dinner and errand-like shopping) with guy. She doesn't seem to be into him and even makes a list of things that bugged her and why she's not into him.

Three days later, woman goes on second date with guy. This time, something "clicks" and she digs him.

A few days later, guy says he wants woman to "be his girlfriend."

My response: TOO SOON!!!!!!!!!!

Woman's response: Why?
_______

So here's my question -- why is it too soon, or am I wrong?

My first thought is that unless you're a teenager, bringing up the exclusivity issue (which is what "be his girlfriend" means to me) after the second non-spectacular date reeks of desperation and/or creepy. I think there is something wrong with a person who would do that, and running for the hills might be a good idea. If you disagree, please explain.
There's a strong chance that both he and she are 'desperate' (as the other 2 responses have noted) - I'm not sure that's the right word, but I think there's some 'needy' behavior at the least, and I'm sure you get where I'm going even if I can't find the correct term.

There's also a non-zero chance she's (frankly) full of shit about the first date - probably because she felt like she SHOULDN'T be into him (most likely b/c he doesn't make much money, isn't very attractive, is way older/younger, rapes babies, whatever). This explains the 'list' too - why make a list, after one date, of stuff you don't like about a dude? Why not just not go on another date?

I don't want to pretend to do this for a living, but honestly I'd guess she's full of shit here, and the second-date reaction is much closer to the 'truth' . . . it's still weird though, I don't know that having that conversation in that form is really all that necessary.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-28-2006, 06:04 PM
CutiePie2000 CutiePie2000 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: May 2000
Posts: 5,718
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl View Post
A lot of people our age simply don't understand casual dating.
Casual dating (i.e. dating multiple people)...hmm...I guess I've never met several good looking people within a short time span of each other, let alone good looking AVAILABLE people, to be able to date more than one at once. You just don't come across them that often, in my book.

I know valkyrie will appreciate where I am coming from, since she is attracted to TEH HOT.

Last edited by CutiePie2000; 09-29-2006 at 12:21 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-28-2006, 06:08 PM
DSTCHAOS DSTCHAOS is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Down the street
Posts: 9,791
Case-by-case basis. If they feel whatever they feel then I'm happy for them. People CAN break up. It's not like she said she got married to him.

You can know someone for 20 years and not know them as well as you know someone else who you've known for 2 months.
__________________
Always my fav LL song. Sorry, T La Rock, LL killed it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5NCQ...eature=related
Pebbles and Babyface http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kl-paDdmVMU
Deele "Two Occasions" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUvaB...eature=related
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-28-2006, 06:12 PM
DSTCHAOS DSTCHAOS is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Down the street
Posts: 9,791
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl View Post
A lot of people our age simply don't understand casual dating.

I've never met someone my age who didn't know what casual dating is. We seem to have that down to a T. But we're in the 29 to 32 age range so we've had enough dating and are ready to settle down. Not just with anyone and not just from a first date, though.

I have however noticed that older people don't know what casual dating is. They think it means that you two see each other when you have time, but that you don't see other people on the side. It's like they want you all to themselves but only when they feel like being bothered with little to no expectations. But then they want you to cater to them and do things for them like you're all into them. BLAH to that.
__________________
Always my fav LL song. Sorry, T La Rock, LL killed it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5NCQ...eature=related
Pebbles and Babyface http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kl-paDdmVMU
Deele "Two Occasions" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUvaB...eature=related
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 09-28-2006, 06:12 PM
valkyrie valkyrie is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: WWJMD?
Posts: 7,560
Quote:
Originally Posted by CutiePie2000 View Post
I know valkyrie will appreciate where I am coming from, since she is attracted to TEH HOT.
HAHA yes.

Anyway, I've decided to stay out of the situation because really, who am I to tell someone that I'd run like hell away from a guy who is socially retarded enough to want some sort of commitment after a trip to Target and a movie. If this works for them, cool -- and maybe it will, until she realizes that he greatly outweighs her on the needy scale, at which point she'll dump him to shack up with the dramariffic ex she will always want but can't really have OR some type of tattooed biker who wears a wallet chain and leaves a trail of knocked up women across the country before settling in a small apartment above a greasy spoon in Trenton, New Jersey. Ahhh, young love!

That said, let this be a lesson to you, people of GC -- don't talk about commitment after two dates.
__________________
A hiney bird is a bird that flies in perfectly executed, concentric circles until it eventually flies up its own behind and poof! disappears forever....
-Ken Harrelson
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 09-28-2006, 06:14 PM
DSTCHAOS DSTCHAOS is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Down the street
Posts: 9,791
Are you drunk?
__________________
Always my fav LL song. Sorry, T La Rock, LL killed it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5NCQ...eature=related
Pebbles and Babyface http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kl-paDdmVMU
Deele "Two Occasions" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUvaB...eature=related
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 09-28-2006, 06:42 PM
valkyrie valkyrie is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: WWJMD?
Posts: 7,560
Not yet, but soon.
__________________
A hiney bird is a bird that flies in perfectly executed, concentric circles until it eventually flies up its own behind and poof! disappears forever....
-Ken Harrelson
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 09-28-2006, 06:58 PM
DSTCHAOS DSTCHAOS is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Down the street
Posts: 9,791
The weekend has begun.
__________________
Always my fav LL song. Sorry, T La Rock, LL killed it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5NCQ...eature=related
Pebbles and Babyface http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kl-paDdmVMU
Deele "Two Occasions" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUvaB...eature=related
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 09-28-2006, 07:09 PM
Scandia Scandia is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,108
Send a message via AIM to Scandia
Conversely, would wanting to start dating exclusively after a month with 4 dates that went well be considered too soon?
__________________
AlphaPhiOmega

Theta Phi Alpha
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 09-28-2006, 08:11 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Hotel Oceanview
Posts: 34,519
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scandia View Post
Conversely, would wanting to start dating exclusively after a month with 4 dates that went well be considered too soon?
if there's a real connection felt by both parties and if you both hate casual dating, no. rock on.
__________________
It is all 33girl's fault. ~DrPhil
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 09-28-2006, 08:22 PM
valkyrie valkyrie is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: WWJMD?
Posts: 7,560
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl View Post
if there's a real connection felt by both parties and if you both hate casual dating, no. rock on.
Like anything, it's up to the individuals in question. However, in my experience, if you start dating someone and you're both really into each other, you have waaaaay more than four dates in a month.
__________________
A hiney bird is a bird that flies in perfectly executed, concentric circles until it eventually flies up its own behind and poof! disappears forever....
-Ken Harrelson
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 09-28-2006, 08:36 PM
amycat412 amycat412 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 4,847
Send a message via AIM to amycat412
Quote:
Originally Posted by valkyrie View Post
Like anything, it's up to the individuals in question. However, in my experience, if you start dating someone and you're both really into each other, you have waaaaay more than four dates in a month.
yes I agree. More like 4 dates in a week or week and a half.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:24 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, vBulletin Solutions Inc.