Legacy, crazy grandmother, advice please!!!

[BidMe]

Hi everyone! I am so excited to be going to college and to be going through recruitment. First off my grandmother isn't crazy, she is just in love with her sorority (tri-delt) and the idea of one of her granddaughters in it. I come from a lineage of tri-delts my mom, grandma, and great-grandma. My older sister went through rush a couple of years ago at SEC school and did not go tri-delt and my grandmother was furious (and still is). My sister told me that my grandmother was calling her constantly during recruitment and she was even calling the chapter. And after she accepted the bid from the other house, my grandma wouldn't even talk to her about anything related to college/ sororities/ large groups of women/ etc.

Now it is my turn. I am going to a different school that I think is less competitive, but still pretty competitive. Tri-delt is a very good chapter there, and I am sure that many girls will be fighting for a bid. However, I don't want the pressure of my grandmother calling me every second and potentially calling the chapter to affect my outcome/decision. So I guess I have a few general questions that I need a third party to answer.

1. My mom stated that tri-delt does not consider grandaughters legacies, so will they consider me as "special" legacy for having 3 generations above me or will they just consider my mom?
2. My mom also said that when my sister was going through recruitment that they called her before rush to tell her about tri-delt on their campus (since shes a member from another school), do you think if I put my grandmother down they will call her? Technically I'm not a legacy through her.
3. If my grandmother does happen to call them, will they hold it against me? (Even if I try to explain anything to her, she doesn't understand how it works now).
4. Do you think I should tell me grandmother that my rush is deferred? My sister's rush was in January. So I think it would be pretty believable and maybe by the time I am done with recruitment she will find out where I got a bid.

Thanks for the advice! I am just so nervous about everything. And after hearing what happened to my sister, I am scared out of my mind.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by BidMe

1. My mom stated that tri-delt does not consider grandaughters legacies, so will they consider me as "special" legacy for having 3 generations above me or will they just consider my mom?
2. My mom also said that when my sister was going through recruitment that they called her before rush to tell her about tri-delt on their campus (since shes a member from another school), do you think if I put my grandmother down they will call her? Technically I'm not a legacy through her.
3. If my grandmother does happen to call them, will they hold it against me? (Even if I try to explain anything to her, she doesn't understand how it works now).
4. Do you think I should tell me grandmother that my rush is deferred? My sister's rush was in January. So I think it would be pretty believable and maybe by the time I am done with recruitment she will find out where I got a bid.

Thanks for the advice! I am just so nervous about everything. And after hearing what happened to my sister, I am scared out of my mind.

1) Of course they will think it is cool that you could potentially be a fourth generation Tri-Delta. However, no Tri-Delta is going to reveal (and nobody else here is going to speculate on) how that may affect membership selection.

A word of warning: you should do your best not to let other chapters know this. It has the potential to work against you if they think there is no way you will go anywhere but DDD.

2) I'll let a DDD answer this, as I've never heard of such a thing.

3) See #1, but don't worry about it too much. We've all dealt with crazy alums.

4) If you want to lie to keep your grandma out of your rush (i.e. not calling you or the chapter), you could, but if your grandma uses the internet, you will be pretty easily busted, and even if she doesn't catch on until later, you could do serious damage to your relationship. Now, if you think your relationship is going down the tubes anyway, as it did for your sister, you may be willing to piss off granny to help your rush.

[BidMe]

Thanks for your advice. I also forgot to mention that I am a real double legacy to another sorority. The chapter my sister is in is my paternal grandmother's sorority (that chapter deems granddaughters legacies). It is also very highly regarded at my new school. However, I'm trying not to let these things influence me. I don't want anyone except me and my potential sisters deciding where I end up.

[Sciencewoman]

I think your attitude is very Panhellenic and healthy. You obviously have some heavy-duty legacy pressure on you, but it sounds like you have a great outlook on finding a home that is the best fit for you and the chapter you join.

On the other hand, you could really get in good with Grandma....

[Just interested]

Sounds like a little grandma competition to me. I am sure maternal grandma was a little unnerved that paternal grandma got a legacy.

As an older alumna, I see this often among my friends. In the "olden"days it was very common for girls to go there legacy, today, not so much. Just find a home that's best for you. Good luck!

[BidMe]

Also, so DDD is just going to think that it is cool that I may potentially be a 4th generation? I know that I'm technically only a legacy by my mother, but I would think a lineage would be pretty important. I'm just asking because DDD is pretty much the "top" house on my sister's campus and she made it to pref. But she pledged the other house (which is also a top house but has a different personality that more matches hers). She said she didn't really connect with the tri-delts she spoke too and was almost certain that the only reason they brought her to pref was because of her legacy status. And keep in mind this is a SEC school and many legacies that were only connected by one family member were cut before pref.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by BidMe

Also, so DDD is just going to think that it is cool that I may potentially be a 4th generation? I know that I'm technically only a legacy by my mother, but I would think a lineage would be pretty important. I'm just asking because DDD is pretty much the "top" house on my sister's campus and she made it to pref. But she pledged the other house (which is also a top house but has a different personality that more matches hers). She said she didn't really connect with the tri-delts she spoke too and was almost certain that the only reason they brought her to pref was because of her legacy status. And keep in mind this is a SEC school and many legacies that were only connected by one family member were cut before pref.

I'm not sure what you're looking for here. Are you looking for someone to tell you for sure whether you're guaranteed a bid for being a 4th generation? That's not going to happen. We also can't tell you what they're going to think about you being 4th generation or how far it's going to get you in recruitment.

So with all that said, be open-minded and don't focus on Tri Delta so much because there is always possibility that your legacy status may not get you as far as you think. So be sure to focus on more than that one sorority.

[BidMe]

No, I was just blabbering and making an unnecessary assumption. Like I said, I want to be a part of a group that I think fits me best. Yes, I think it would be great to be apart of a long line of tri-delts, but I don't think that should be the factor determining which sorority I belong to for the REST OF MY LIFE. I mean I feel so much pressure already and its not even summer. What if tri-delt cuts me? What if tri-delt and my other legacy cuts me? That would be so embarrassing for me. I would be like reject in my family. My sister made it to pref day at least (I know if a legacy makes it to pref they are put at the top of the bid list). Ugh this is all I can think about!

btw I'm from the South. Luckily I'm going North for school. If you have ever seen the show GCB that is my family. Yes, those people are real. Hopefully the Northern sororities have room for a little Southern twang or I'm doomed.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by BidMe

No, I was just blabbering and making an unnecessary assumption. Like I said, I want to be a part of a group that I think fits me best. Yes, I think it would be great to be apart of a long line of tri-delts, but I don't think that should be the factor determining which sorority I belong to for the REST OF MY LIFE. I mean I feel so much pressure already and its not even summer. What if tri-delt cuts me? What if tri-delt and my other legacy cuts me? That would be so embarrassing for me. I would be like reject in my family. My sister made it to pref day at least (I know if a legacy makes it to pref they are put at the top of the bid list). Ugh this is all I can think about!

btw I'm from the South. Luckily I'm going North for school. If you have ever seen the show GCB that is my family. Yes, those people are real. Hopefully the Northern sororities have room for a little Southern twang or I'm doomed.

Ah, I see. It's not like you're dead set on Tri Delt, but are worried about your family expectations.

Let me ask you this: Is your sister shunned and rejected by your entire family for not being Tri Delt? If not, chances are good that they wouldn't do that to you.

[Senusret I]

Lie to your grandmother and tell her you're not rushing at all. Then when or if you get a bid someplace, if she gets mad, just tell her you wanted to surprise her.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by BidMe

(I know if a legacy makes it to pref they are put at the top of the bid list).

I think that Tri Delt is one of the sororities that does not require that a chapter pledge a legacy who comes to prefs.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by BidMe

No, I was just blabbering and making an unnecessary assumption. Like I said, I want to be a part of a group that I think fits me best. Yes, I think it would be great to be apart of a long line of tri-delts, but I don't think that should be the factor determining which sorority I belong to for the REST OF MY LIFE. I mean I feel so much pressure already and its not even summer. What if tri-delt cuts me? What if tri-delt and my other legacy cuts me? That would be so embarrassing for me. I would be like reject in my family. My sister made it to pref day at least (I know if a legacy makes it to pref they are put at the top of the bid list). Ugh this is all I can think about!

btw I'm from the South. Luckily I'm going North for school. If you have ever seen the show GCB that is my family. Yes, those people are real. Hopefully the Northern sororities have room for a little Southern twang or I'm doomed.

While I think your worries are normal for both pnms and legacies, it would behoove you to try not to worry about things that will be out of your control. I know many legacies who worry that the only reason they were extended a bid is because they are legacies. Most, if not all, sororities extend one courtesy invitation to legacies after the first round parties, but if they invite you back after that, they did so because they see potential in you as a member.

Also remember, you may not like your legacy chapters when you meet them. They all may like to knit and have knitting circles every Tuesday night, and you would prefer to play tennis. You need to make your judgements during recruitment.

As to Grandma, she could ruin your chances. Writing a letter to accompany her recommendation is good-probably repeatedly phoning the chapter during rush week is not, and could potentially be harmful to you. Maybe your mother could try and explain this to her mother? If she won't, then you or your older sister could.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by BidMe

btw I'm from the South. Luckily I'm going North for school. If you have ever seen the show GCB that is my family. Yes, those people are real. Hopefully the Northern sororities have room for a little Southern twang or I'm doomed.

Ahhh, this is perfect.

Tell your grandma that your school takes away cell phones for the week of rush and if any PNMs are found to be talking with family about anything other than emergencies, or if any family contacts them or the school, they are automatically dismissed from rush. Oh, and mention that the school a few years back tried to cut total by a third and distribute all the women rushing evenly across groups, so no one group would be more "popular." She'll assume this is the "weird Northern" way of doing things and hopefully leave you and the chapter alone.

[carnation]

^^^ LOLOL!

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Ahhh, this is perfect.

Tell your grandma that your school takes away cell phones for the week of rush and if any PNMs are found to be talking with family about anything other than emergencies, or if any family contacts them or the school, they are automatically dismissed from rush. Oh, and mention that the school a few years back tried to cut total by a third and distribute all the women rushing evenly across groups, so no one group would be more "popular." She'll assume this is the "weird Northern" way of doing things and hopefully leave you and the chapter alone.

LOL

But make sure that she gets a legacy introduction form if her sorority uses one or a reference form if they don't, so that she feels like she is doing SOMETHING. You could even ask her to fill it out for you, if you don't think it'll make her too crazy or too sure that you will join HER sorority. It would make her feel included.