Guidance

[nosnow2012]

(Warning, This is EXTREMELY LONG, so sorry)

Hi all,

I’m writing this post in hopes of getting some input from you all. So, I became a pledge at the first house I rushed at during my very first night as a freshman without really researching any other houses. The brothers who rushed me were really cool during this rush period. I rushed with a friend from back home and we signed our bids and all that together.

Pledgeship started and again, I connected with a majority of my pledge brothers. As time went on, pledgeship became moderately intense and time consuming at times in my opinion, I even considered stopping multiple times, but I powered through it. Slowly but surely, I started becoming less close with the brothers who rushed me, but we were still friendly. I met a bunch of other brothers in the house and connected with close to a dozen.

Close to midway through our pledgeship, some incidents occurred and allegations were strewn which landed us in hot water with the University and National. Thus, our social calendar was cancelled from mid-October to just about the end of the semester in December. Many of the fun activities the other brothers partook in (such as pledge dances and mixers) were denied to my pledge class (not to mention, I have seen the fraternity hold three presidents this semester). The pledge educators kept me in the dark for some time regarding what happened behind the scenes with National during this time. Apparently investigations were going on regarding possible hazing (something I found out through my father and a family friend belonging to a different fraternity at my school). There were instances where the actions taken by a few brothers during pledgeship activities could be construed as “hazing”, but I found them more fun than harmful.

At this point, initiation was set at an indefinite point as meetings began to be skipped at the Educator’s discretion (he admitted he was “extremely high” during some meetings and didn’t have his materials in order). I started lamenting going to the house during the small amount of free time I had because a majority of my pledge brothers began smoking pot with what seems to be ½ of the brothers at the house (I don’t smoke. I’m okay being around those who do at times, but this was going on every day…). Also, I feel I must say that drinking was of no problem (I’m fine with it).

I was still cool with my pledge brothers and grew pretty close to some, though I did have friends outside the fraternity. I found that I was not spending much time going out with people at my fraternity on weekends as many would just smoke. I would just hangout in the dorms with some friends during this time.

Towards the end of the semester, National met with our house and basically said our social calendar would be canceled until further notice if we did not get a certain number of people to live in the house next year. Immediately after this meeting, the brothers who did not normally talk to pledges began buddying-up and steering us to sign live-in contracts. I was planning on living in any way so this was not extremely bothersome to me. It did bother me, however, when our Educator and President demanded that we all sign a contract or else face depledging (this was about week 12 of the never-ending pledgeship). I felt that the brothers were waaaaay more interested in my money than accepting me as a new brother.

So, I am currently on winter break. I go back the 29th and I have been seriously considering depledging. I have been told that our hell week will be the week we return and will be initiated that weekend. I recently received an invoice for room and board from the fraternity due mid February, but I am not even a brother yet.

My reasoning for considering depledging:
-A majority of the house smokes pot and I don’t which could get really old realllly fast when living in.
-I feel that I rushed into pledging this fraternity (no pun intended) without really researching other fraternities.
-I feel like all I’m worth at this point is a check.
-The upperclassmen brothers are really douche-y.
-The house is EXTREMELY cliquey.
-Many of the brothers don’t seem to have much ambition (very Animal-House-esque).
-Not much philanthropy has taken place though I was told the house was a leader in events during my rush.
-This fraternity claims to have a high overall GPA, though it has not won distinction (they also don’t seem to care very much about giving pledges much time for studying during finals as the previous classes had hell weeks nearly during finals week).
-The house is literally a dump.
-Our social status is moderately low (the sororities we mix with are mediocre at best)
-I have friends in other fraternities that say I would be a perfect fit for them.
-I get excited thinking of not coming back to the house and trying my luck elsewhere next semester.
-I’ve heard brothers talk about “being done if we have another strike.” Which really concerns me.
-I don’t necessarily want to be associated with a house that has been put on probation.

What are your thoughts? I’m honestly fine with the idea of depledging even a week before my supposed initiation. I’m okay with pledging a second semester if it means a better situation for me. I currently have a “mentor brother” who I am pretty close with, but I still wouldn’t call him one of my best friends. I’m just one of those people who will do things which will benefit me more in life and other fraternities seem like they may be able to make me even more well-rounded than the one I am currently pledging. At this point I still have a ton of friends made through pledgeship, but I can’t help but wonder “what if”. Normally I would just go with the flow and settle for what I’ve gotten myself into, but lately in my life, I realize that I can at least attempt to do better.

So sorry for this novel of a situation.

-Drew