being friends with a guy help?

[soontobegreek12]

I'm good friends with a guy at a fraternity I want to get into. How much will that help me?

[knight_shadow]

You're lame.

[greekdee]

Soontobegreek12...Futuregreek12...whoever you are today...I have been seeing your posts for a few weeks now and have to ask if you're for real or are you a troll? For the moment, I am going to assume that you are genuinely seeking answers and offer some motherly advice: calm down, son. Whether you realize it or not, you are presenting here as being really desperate, insecure and obsessive. This is not the way you want to come off during recruitment. Breathe. You seem so worried about the outcome of recruitment that you're going to sabotage the process for yourself by looking like the emotional basket case with ants in his pants. Again, breathe. Determine what you are seeking from fraternity life and what you have to contribute to a GLO. Meet the men (not "kids" as you've frequently referred to fraternity members in other posts), learn about their brotherhood and see if you and they seem like a good fit.

To answer your question, being friends with a fraternity member can help tremendously -- or not at all. There are various factors at play and no standard answer to your question. For me, your posts conjure up images of someone who is dizzy-eyed with panic and slinging the sweat of desperation. No fraternity is going to respond favorably to this, dear. You are also revealing too much about yourself and someone may be able to figure out who you are, which could hurt your recruitment. Stop it, okay? Just stop it.

Instead of dwelling on the questions you're bombing GC with, be thinking about intelligent questions to ask fraternity members-- ones that will give them the opportunity to tell you what their organization participates in and deems important. Be thinking about how you can contribute to a fraternity and be a solid member of the Greek community. Do not ask the men anything that pertains to membership selection or what your chances are for a bid. Go read Dale Carniege's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." I'm serious. There is a condensed version that is full of easy-to-apply communication skills. Trust me, mother knows best and you need to read this.

Good luck, Soontobefuturegreekwhoeveryouare12!!!

[AnotherKD]

Originally Posted by greekdee

Soontobegreek12...Futuregreek12...whoever you are today...I have been seeing your posts for a few weeks now and have to ask if you're for real or are you a troll? For the moment, I am going to assume that you are genuinely seeking answers and offer some motherly advice: calm down, son. Whether you realize it or not, you are presenting here as being really desperate, insecure and obsessive. This is not the way you want to come off during recruitment. Breathe. You seem so worried about the outcome of recruitment that you're going to sabotage the process for yourself by looking like the emotional basket case with ants in his pants. Again, breathe. Determine what you are seeking from fraternity life and what you have to contribute to a GLO. Meet the men (not "kids" as you've frequently referred to fraternity members in other posts), learn about their brotherhood and see if you and they seem like a good fit.

To answer your question, being friends with a fraternity member can help tremendously -- or not at all. There are various factors at play and no standard answer to your question. For me, your posts conjure up images of someone who is dizzy-eyed with panic and slinging the sweat of desperation. No fraternity is going to respond favorably to this, dear. You are also revealing too much about yourself and someone may be able to figure out who you are, which could hurt your recruitment. Stop it, okay? Just stop it.

Instead of dwelling on the questions you're bombing GC with, be thinking about intelligent questions to ask fraternity members-- ones that will give them the opportunity to tell you what their organization participates in and deems important. Be thinking about how you can contribute to a fraternity and be a solid member of the Greek community. Do not ask the men anything that pertains to membership selection or what your chances are for a bid. Go read Dale Carniege's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." I'm serious. There is a condensed version that is full of easy-to-apply communication skills. Trust me, mother knows best and you need to read this.

Good luck, Soontobefuturegreekwhoeveryouare12!!!

I like you.

[soontobegreek12]

I'm rushing in the spring so im a little nervous, but thank you for your great answer

[greekdee]

I hope I didn't sound too harsh. I have a college-age son interested in Greek life, and he has many friends who are as well. I would have said the same thing to any of them if their nerves were getting the better of them.

It's obvious that being part of Greek Life is very important to you, and I get that. It has been over 30 years since my husband and I pledged our GLO's, and we'll both tell you that we would not reverse our decisions to rush for anything. Our GLO's not only enriched our college years, but continue to do so today.

I really understand why you want this, but I do think your fear of being rejected is getting its claws into you. Not only will such anxiety twist your stomach into a figure eight and gnaw at your brain like a flea that never sleeps, it will work its way into your conversation and behavior...leading to you self-fulfilling your own worst fear! I've witnessed extreme nerves and fear cause fantastic people to act like everything from trembling wallflowers to obnoxious big mouths. So -- do try to stop this in its tracks.

Your strong desire for memberships indicates to me that your heart is in the right place, but the way you've been presenting yourself could result in people completely misreading you. Take a time out and give yourself a rest from all this worry! You are wearing yourself out looking for things that will "get you in" and "up your chances." There is no magic button that results in a bid, and there are no guarantees it's going to work out for anyone, but this need not send you over the edge. Have you sat down and honestly assessed your strengths and qualities? Knowing why you would make a good and contributing brother can help your confidence. (Just don't go to opposite end of the spectrum and turn cocky! Finally, I was not kidding about "How to Win Friends and Influence People." It is an excellent resource and good communication skills will serve you well in all areas of life, not just recruitment. Get the condensed version, start now, and by the time your spring recruitment commences, you just may be a natural!

[soontobegreek12]

yea thank you very much. the kid is in a mid sized 'upper middle tier' fraternity. It's at Ole miss. I feel like I like my chances there because the kid is a rush chair and he really likes me so yea i like my chances. Thank you for your responses

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by soontobegreek12

yea thank you very much. the kid is in a mid sized 'upper middle tier' fraternity. It's at Ole miss. I feel like I like my chances there because the kid is a rush chair and he really likes me so yea i like my chances. Thank you for your responses

Why do you keep changing your username and asking similar questions over and over?

[soontobegreek12]

im not this future greek person your talking about

[greekdee]

Good luck at Ole Miss. One of my son's has a friend who will be going through fraternity recruitment there in a couple of weeks. I also did a rec for a young lady who will be participating in sorority recruitment. As you likely know, the university has a strong and energetic Greek community. While being friends with the recruitment chair of a GLO is a positive, it carries no promises of a bid. All of the GLO's at Ole Miss have a lot to offer, so be willing to give everyone a look. Remember, the best fraternity is YOUR fraternity. I hope you find your home.

[knight_shadow]

I thought this person was a rising senior going to Mizzou? Where did Ole Miss come from? And how is this person rushing in the spring?

Lame.

[greekdee]

Good question. I missed the post about Mizzou. Maybe as a senior, he is still considering where he'll attend school? And is thinking he will start going to fraternity events next spring? I can't speak for all schools and fraternities, but some do start getting to know "kids" (sorry, couldn't resist) during their senior year of high school. I honestly have no idea what is going on. Just throwing possibilities out there.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by soontobegreek12

im not this future greek person your talking about

So, just so I have this straight. You -- soontobegreek12 -- and futuregreek12 are not the same person even though you both:

• have very similar names;
• ask very similar questions about how easy if might be to get a bid "if";
• have the rather odd habit of referring to college students, who are at least your own age if not older, as "kids";
• know a "kid" in a fraternity you want to "get into", and want to know how much that helps;
• plan on rushing in the spring; and
• are asking about Mizzou.

Well, I'm glad we got it straight that you are two completely different people.

[knight_shadow]

Let's not forget the mention of ACT scores.

[DrPhil]