Married PNMs/Age for rush

[Anchored4Ever]

So I'm wondering, what do most chapters do with girls going through who are married? I would not think that marrige & Greek life would work well together for the most part, but I'd like your opinions.

Also, what age is the unofficial 'cut off' for your chapter not pledging someone? Like if someone was signed up for 2011 formal recruitment and listed a high school graduation date of 2004... (because of military training, a medical condition, or some other thing) Would you seriously consider someone who would be an incoming pledge at age 25+??

Thanks in advance for your thoughtful comments!

[DDDlady]

Originally Posted by Anchored4Ever

So I'm wondering, what do most chapters do with girls going through who are married? I would not think that marrige & Greek life would work well together for the most part, but I'd like your opinions.

Also, what age is the unofficial 'cut off' for your chapter not pledging someone? Like if someone was signed up for 2011 formal recruitment and listed a high school graduation date of 2004... (because of military training, a medical condition, or some other thing) Would you seriously consider someone who would be an incoming pledge at age 25+??

Thanks in advance for your thoughtful comments!

No one can tell you about ages to pledge, etc. because those factors vary widely from campus to campus. Those would be good questions for current members or the greek life office at the specific school.

Just food for thought: If a 25+ year old pledged a sorority, the majority of her pledge class would be 17-19. What would that person have in common with girls that much younger? They would not be in the same life place, and I would think that the older girl might feel a little left out and not able to relate to the whole 18 year old freshman world. Similar thoughts for the married girl. Is she going to have the time to dedicate to the sorority events if she has school and a family to manage? How well will she be able to fit in and relate to her pledge class?

[dnall]

Originally Posted by DDDlady

Just food for thought: If a 25+ year old pledged a sorority, the majority of her pledge class would be 17-19. What would that person have in common with girls that much younger? They would not be in the same life place, and I would think that the older girl might feel a little left out and not able to relate to the whole 18 year old freshman world. Similar thoughts for the married girl. Is she going to have the time to dedicate to the sorority events if she has school and a family to manage? How well will she be able to fit in and relate to her pledge class?

This is a sorority focused thing, so I'm not going to stick around beyond this little swerve, but...

I don't dispute anything you said there necessarily. I would just not like to see the sorority make that decision for the girl and not bid her because of it.

I say that because I recently saw a similar situation with my fraternity chapter in which they voted not to bid a guy that was about 25 I think and recently out of the military. Being in the military myself, I was kind of pissed about that. If you're going to hold military service against people, then we have a problem. Yeah, the guy is a few years older and in some ways is going to be different, but he also brings a lot of leadership and life experience to the table that 18-19yo pledges don't. Yeah, in some respects he may look or feel a little bit out of place in social settings with 18-19yo freshmen, but at the same time he gave up his chance at that college experience to be in the fight overseas, and now he's here going through rush trying to get a little bit of that back. I just don't think it's right for the organization to tell him he isn't entitled to that chance. I'd take a few guys like that over a few traditional freshmen any day. It's different, but they make the chapter better. I would want to see my org do the right thing in that situation rather than just be superficial.

Sorry. That's all I wanted to say. Back to your regularly scheduled program.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by DDDlady

No one can tell you about ages to pledge, etc. because those factors vary widely from campus to campus.

If a 25+ year old pledged a sorority, the majority of her pledge class would be 17-19.

Like you said, this varies from campus to campus. If Greeks make up 10% or more of the student body, there is Greek housing, the university itself is mainly residential (instead of commuter) and most students are 17-23, chances are that the Greek community is fairly traditional and a married 25-year-old might not fare well in recruitment.

However, there are schools with a larger percentage of non-traditional students where the Greeks are representative of the student body. At such a school, being married and 25 would probably not be a negative.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by dnall

This is a sorority focused thing, so I'm not going to stick around beyond this little swerve, but...

I don't dispute anything you said there necessarily. I would just not like to see the sorority make that decision for the girl and not bid her because of it.

I say that because I recently saw a similar situation with my fraternity chapter in which they voted not to bid a guy that was about 25 I think and recently out of the military. Being in the military myself, I was kind of pissed about that.

Sorry. That's all I wanted to say. Back to your regularly scheduled program.

It's different for NPC groups, though, because we have quota/total. If you bid a guy, he doesn't fit in, and drops out in a week, no biggie. If we bid a woman, she doesn't fit in, and drops out in a week, that's a spot that could have gone to someone else.

In that respect, I think I'd feel much more comfortable pledging a 25-year-old woman in a COB situation, where she wasn't taking a spot from someone else.

[victoriana]

My school falls into the category where we have some non-traditional students. For the most part, students are traditional age, but we have many commuters. My chapter has taken older women, and they were able to fit in because they didn't think they were better than everyone else and because they didn't take themselves too seriously. In my NM class, we had girls from 17 all the way up to 22. Once we got to know each other, age wasn't really an issue.

As for the married girl question, I guess it depends on the girl. I can see it being a problem if she had kids and/or a needy/controlling husband. If she and her husband were both young with no kids, I don't think it would be a problem as long as they communicated openly about time expectations, ect.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by dnall

This is a sorority focused thing, so I'm not going to stick around

THIS is where you should have stopped.

[Benzgirl]

^^^^ This!


This topic comes up every year during formal recruitment because we always have a handful of non-traditional students who show interest. WE DO NOT DESCRIMINATE. Age is not an issue, having a child is not an issue, being married is not an issue. What is at issue is whether you can commit the time and the money to attending chapter events and being an active member of the sorority. Chapter is not a baby sitting service, your hubby can't attend initiation and there are dues and a badge to purchase.

[dnall]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

It's different for NPC groups, though, because we have quota/total. If you bid a guy, he doesn't fit in, and drops out in a week, no biggie. If we bid a woman, she doesn't fit in, and drops out in a week, that's a spot that could have gone to someone else.

In that respect, I think I'd feel much more comfortable pledging a 25-year-old woman in a COB situation, where she wasn't taking a spot from someone else.

I completely respect that. It would probably be good for the orgs to tell her that up front during rush.

I think just looking from the outside it seems like sororities sometimes over think things. In this case, gaming the girl's ability to fit in or get the same enjoyment out of the experience. It seems like they sometimes make decisions for other people based on what they think that person might want but not actually giving them a chance.

That's a guy trying to understand women, so doomed to failure, but it just seems unfair sometimes.

As a chapter advisor in my late 30s, I'm able to walk into a chapter where I don't really know anyone and very quickly establish strong lasting friendships with a wide range of guys from pledge to president. I know that's a different situation. Clearly we have our love of the org in common and I'm there to help them advance that, but still on an interpersonal level the age/life-stage/experience stuff really isn't much of a factor. It's more of a difference; in the way one active is from England and no one else is.

By that I just mean it's a very individual thing if someone will fit in or not. I understand the concerns, but if the girl and the org can successfully overcome those, then it seems like everyone would be better for it in the end. It would just be nice for the girl to get a fair shot, in the same way I wanted the guy in my example to get a fair shot and was mad when he didn't with a lot of the same concerns expressed.

[dnall]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

THIS is where you should have stopped.

Seriously?

The whole place can come post in a thread in the ATO section specifically about ATO expansion and assume everything a personal attack on their own non-ATO org & chapter in every possible state, but I can't post something in an intro thread that tells a related story about fraternity recruitment or state a perspective that says all over it that it's outside looking in?

Really? Get over it. It's an intro thread.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by dnall

I completely respect that. It would probably be good for the orgs to tell her that up front during rush.

I think just looking from the outside it seems like sororities sometimes over think things. In this case, gaming the girl's ability to fit in or get the same enjoyment out of the experience. It seems like they sometimes make decisions for other people based on what they think that person might want but not actually giving them a chance.

That's a guy trying to understand women, so doomed to failure, but it just seems unfair sometimes.

As a chapter advisor in my late 30s, I'm able to walk into a chapter where I don't really know anyone and very quickly establish strong lasting friendships with a wide range of guys from pledge to president. I know that's a different situation. Clearly we have our love of the org in common and I'm there to help them advance that, but still on an interpersonal level the age/life-stage/experience stuff really isn't much of a factor. It's more of a difference; in the way one active is from England and no one else is.

By that I just mean it's a very individual thing if someone will fit in or not. I understand the concerns, but if the girl and the org can successfully overcome those, then it seems like everyone would be better for it in the end. It would just be nice for the girl to get a fair shot, in the same way I wanted the guy in my example to get a fair shot and was mad when he didn't with a lot of the same concerns expressed.

Our business is deciding what is right for our chapter and our sisters.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by dnall

Seriously?

The whole place can come post in a thread in the ATO section specifically about ATO expansion and assume everything a personal attack on their own non-ATO org & chapter in every possible state, but I can't post something in an intro thread that tells a related story about fraternity recruitment or state a perspective that says all over it that it's outside looking in?

Really? Get over it. It's an intro thread.

You have proven to be an uniformed opinionated lane swerving jerk. This is about NPC recruitment. STFU already.

[dnall]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

Our business is deciding what is right for our chapter and our sisters.

I don't dispute that. When I walk in as an advisor, like I did in the example I gave, and disapprove of a bid decision they make, I can't do anything about that. I can yell at them and make them feel like shit for what they just did, but it's their decision. I have no problem with that. I just said from an outside perspective it looks over thought and unfair. If it actually is or not isn't for me to say, and I'm not. I'm just stating a perspective. Moving on.

[dnall]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

You have proven to be an uniformed opinionated lane swerving jerk. This is about NPC recruitment. STFU already.

You should ref the fact you're quoting some JI lashing out (inappropriately no doubt) on your signature line and maybe figure out if I'm the only opinionated jerk around here. But, if you'd care to continue that conversation, it might a little classier of us to do so by PM.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by dnall

I think just looking from the outside it seems like sororities sometimes over think things. In this case, gaming the girl's ability to fit in or get the same enjoyment out of the experience. It seems like they sometimes make decisions for other people based on what they think that person might want but not actually giving them a chance.

Well, if the chapter has a house, I think it's fair to assume that a married woman isn't going to live there. That could be a deal-breaker for a group that has a mortgage to pay.