Sorority pledge misbehavior

[musicmom]

My daughter pledged this year at one of the big SEC schools . Evidently the party girls in her pledge class are defying the actives, and partying (with alcohol) outside of organized swaps and have been caught several times. My daughter is tired of the group punishment and being yelled at every week by the president and pledge trainer. She and her friends are not part of this group. I've been able to talk her into staying so far, but may not in the long haul. Her chapter has a great reputation on campus, and I understand they want to keep it that way, but my daughter is unhappy with the mood in the house.
Her pledge social chair is intentionally antagonizing the chapter president. Are chapters not able to de-pledge girls that are risk management issues?

[kddani]

This is none of your business - it is the chapter (and national org's) business to deal with. You have no idea what is going on internally with the actives to handle this, nor does your daughter. A lot goes on beyond the scenes that new members never see or hear about.

Let them handle it.

And if your daughter is so unhappy, why are you encouraging her to stay in it?

[kddani]

Originally Posted by musicmom

My daughter pledged this year at one of the big SEC schools . Evidently the party girls in her pledge class are defying the actives, and partying (with alcohol) outside of organized swaps and have been caught several times. My daughter is tired of the group punishment and being yelled at every week by the president and pledge trainer. She and her friends are not part of this group. I've been able to talk her into staying so far, but may not in the long haul. Her chapter has a great reputation on campus, and I understand they want to keep it that way, but my daughter is unhappy with the mood in the house.
Her pledge social chair is intentionally antagonizing the chapter president. Are chapters not able to de-pledge girls that are risk management issues?

Forgot to QFP

[DrPhil]

It is definitely none of musicmom's business.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by kddani

This is none of your business -

And if your daughter is so unhappy, why are you encouraging her to stay in it?

Truth.

Vicariousness.

[KSUViolet06]

Chapters have their own system for dealing with such issues.

However, it is for the chapter to handle. Not for parents to be concerned with.

If I knew that my mother were on a message board discussing what went on in my chapter, I'd be mortified to say the least.

[Splash]

It's her business if she's paying for it.

[AlphaFrog]

NO

Originally Posted by Splash

It's her business if she's paying for it.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by Splash

It's her business if she's paying for it.

Not really. Maybe it's her business between her and her daughter, but she has no privity with the chapter itself. The chapter doesn't answer to her.

Shame on the daughter for sharing this crap with her mom.

Though it also wouldn't be the first time where the daughter wasn't being entirely truthful to her mom, and the daughter was herself one of the troublemakers.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Splash

It's her business if she's paying for it.

My dad paid my dues and such and still didn't make what was going on in the chapter his business. So, no.

I also didn't make it a point to share everything going on in the chapter with him, either.

[angels&angles]

My mom paid my dues. I would tell her a lot of stuff about the chapter and whatever was bugging me about it. She was a good sounding board because she had no stake, and didn't really know what was going on. If I ever found out that she'd gone to a message board and aired the things I was complaining about, I would be mortified.

Musicmom, this is bad form and if your daughter learns of this she will probably stop sharing her life with you.

[Splash]

I didn't say that her putting this on a message board was the right thing, fyi.

If your parents paid for it, and weren't as intrusive as you believe her to be, fine, great for you.

The fact of the matter is, since it's her money (if she is in fact paying), if she doesn't like what's going on, she can stop paying in 2 seconds.

Obviously she doesn't want her daughter to be upset, and right now it appears to her that the sorority is upsetting her. We don't know the story and she probably doesn't either.

IMO, the daughter needs to come to a decision herself and tell mom what she wants to do. However, if the mom is paying and decides to stop, the daughter really has no say.

[33girl]

There are threads that make you laughsnort before you even open them, just from the title. This is such a thread.

Unless the sorority is attempting to enforce a dry pledgeship - which has been recognized as hazing since the 1970s - and unless the girls are wearing their letters and representing their getting together as a sorority event, the sorority really can't do squat. Just because you pledge a sorority does not mean they can control every minute of your day. I think the real issue here is that there's a division in the pledge class.

And yes, I realize these girls can be punished for drinking underage - but if that occurs, then every pledge AND sister that drinks underage needs to have the same punishment.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by Splash

However, if the mom is paying and decides to stop, the daughter really has no say.

Daughter can get a job like the gazillion other collegiate sorority members who pay their own dues (past and present).

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Splash

The fact of the matter is, since it's her money (if she is in fact paying), if she doesn't like what's going on, she can stop paying in 2 seconds.

Of course she can. But that doesn't equal the right to stick her own nose in chapter business, which is what people are criticizing here.

If mom stops paying, then daughter can decide if and how to pay for it herself.