DD needs advice - Texas A&M pref tonight...

[NewAggieMom]

Good morning.
Tonight is pref night at Texas A&M. DD had five parties yesterday for skit day. She had been cut from 2 of her 3 top favorites, but still had a great time. She still had 1 that she really loves, and is hoping for, 1 that runs a pretty close second, 1 that she feels ok about and 2 that she doesn't feel are a good fit for her for several reasons. She doesn't yet know which she will be invited back to for pref. I think they find out around 4:00 pm.

The matter that she would like advice about is this: Is it ok at this point, if she is lucky enough to be invited to her favorite, to express to them how much she likes them and is hoping to join them? I have told her all week to keep an open mind, etc. but should she be more enthusiastic to her favorite and more reserved at the houses she doesn't wish to join? In other words, how can she maximize her chances of getting her first choice?

Thanks for any advice.

[KSUViolet06]

At this point, you don't even know where she'll be invited for pref.

Heck, she may not be invited back to the favorite in question.

However, if invited to pref, she should definitely convey somehow that she is glad to be back (without being overly creepy about it).

There is no way to maximize ones chances of getting a bid from a first choice if you pref there. All she can really do is rank them first and see what happens. Whether she gets a bid depends on where she ends up on the chapter's bid list.

[cbm]

She should absolutely show enthusiasm and her desire to join her top choice house.

[Benzgirl]

and, she should be cordial and respectful to all of the women in the chapters she attends.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Benzgirl

and, she should be cordial and respectful to all of the women in the chapters she attends.

YES.

Absolutely.

Just because the other chapters aren't her first choice, does not mean that she should show up to their parties and huff, pout, act bored, be rude, or otherwise disrespect the chapter. And yes, bored, disinterested behavior is rude.

Contrary to popular belief, this does not make you more likely to get a bid to your top choice. It just makes you rude.

Every chapter worked very hard to put together their Pref parties, so it's very important for PNMs to respect that and at least be polite.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

YES.

Absolutely.

Just because the other chapters aren't her first choice, does not mean that she should show up to their parties and huff, pout, act bored, be rude, or otherwise disrespect the chapter. And yes, bored, disinterested behavior is rude.

Contrary to popular belief, this does not make you more likely to get a bid to your top choice. It just makes you rude.

Every chapter worked very hard to put together their Pref parties, so it's very important for PNMs to respect that and at least be polite.

Yes. This.

All PNMs would be wise to read this post. KSU is correct- it is an absolute myth that trying to convince your 2nd choice chapter to rate you low will make you more likely to get a bid to the chapter that you want. There is absolutely no truth to this.

Best to your daughter.

[NewAggieMom]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

YES.

Absolutely.

Just because the other chapters aren't her first choice, does not mean that she should show up to their parties and huff, pout, act bored, be rude, or otherwise disrespect the chapter. And yes, bored, disinterested behavior is rude.

Contrary to popular belief, this does not make you more likely to get a bid to your top choice. It just makes you rude.

Every chapter worked very hard to put together their Pref parties, so it's very important for PNMs to respect that and at least be polite.

My daughter would never dream of behaving in such a way, and I hope that my question about being "more reserved" was not construed to mean "behave rudely." She just wanted to know if it was alright to express enthusiasm at a particular house. (and, yes, she realizes that she may not even be invited back.)

The Rho Gammas have instructed them to be very honest this evening, so she will follow their advice.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by NewAggieMom

My daughter would never dream of behaving in such a way, and I hope that my question about being "more reserved" was not construed to mean "behave rudely." She just wanted to know if it was alright to express enthusiasm at a particular house. (and, yes, she realizes that she may not even be invited back.)

The Rho Gammas have instructed them to be very honest this evening, so she will follow their advice.

It's perfectly ok to express enthusiasm when visiting a chapter for Pref, as long as it's not overdone.

The point of my previous post was mostly to point out that acting less interested at other chapters, doesn't increase the chance of getting into your number one choice.

Alot of times, PNMs think that they love ABC, and if they convince MNO and XYZ at Pref that they are not interested, they'll for SURE get a bid to ABC.

Not so.

It's a common misconception and I wanted to clear that up just in case it was something you/your daughter/other PNMs were thinking.

Best of luck to her! I hope things work out the way she'd like them to.

[ComradesTrue]

^^^ my response (and likely KSU as well) was more directed at all PNMs and not necessarily your daughter. PNMs come on here quite frequently and comment about being rude in chapters that they are not as interested in. Many of them falsely believe that if the 2nd choice group ranks them high then that will trump them getting their 1st choice.

Bid matching doesn't work like that. There is no need to be quiet, disinterested, rude, or anything else. Good manners always win.

ETA: yep, KSU and I posted at the same time. Same thought pattern.

[kdclm]

Prefs are usually lovely parties where the girls will really feel the bond of sisterhood. She should be genuine in her feelings and emotions if she feels a strong bond with one of them and let them know. Tell her to not plan on what to say and let these emotions come naturally. I think it is very hard to go to a pref and not feel some kind of closeness or respect towards the girls in each chapter. I would not be overly or unnaturally enthusiastic--just tell her to be herself and all will be fine. Last week a friend of mine had a daughter go through rush. She was asked at one pref if she wanted to be an XYZ and she enthusiatically said yes. They told her they wanted her also. She put them first on her list but her bid did not come from then. It was a little bit of a shock but she is very happy with the house she has pledged. So anything can happen. Best of luck to her tonight

[NewAggieMom]

Thank you for your replies.

To Blondie93: You are absolutely right that many of the girls have the perception that their choice will be trumped by a high rank from a second choice. The system just seems like a mystery to them.

Crossing our fingers and trusting in the system!

[AnchorAlumna]

Heck, I'm an ancient alum and sometimes it's still a mystery to me, too!

[Titchou]

Anyone who has done hand bid matching totally understands how things happen. It was most enlightening to me and everything fell into place once I learned it. And yes, it is hard to explain unless you actually go thru the exercise so you can see how the names fall. But there is a method to it - honest!

[Sue E. Pig]

Is there any truth to the rumor that 1700 girls were signed up for recruitment? Another thread said 700, but my daughter said 1700. And you know, they know EVERYTHING!

[NewAggieMom]

My daughter has been telling me all week that it's about 750.
As in, when I ask if she has met a certain girl that I've heard is going through recruitment, she responds, "MOM, there are about 750 girls!"