Why are questioning PNMs consistently demonized here?

[TriDeltaSallie]

I really don't understand why every time a hurting/confused/bewildered PNM comes on this board to try to find help and support, they end up being demonized. Yes, these questions get asked time and time again. Yes, there are lots of threads out there that address these questions.

But shouldn't we as women who belong to organizations that are committed to the highest goals and ideals of womanhood be able to take a few minutes and connect with another human being without making her feel like she is worthless? Reading older threads may supply some information, but it doesn't allow the woman to connect with other women who have more knowledge than she does. Even if every time this comes up a few of us would simply try to be kind and gracious, it would go a long way in living up to the ideals we say we profess for life. If these kinds of questions are an annoyance to some, then just ignore them. But certainly there are enough women on this board that we can take a few minutes to try to encourage someone who is searching for answers - even if the answer is to say with kindness and compassion that we don't know the answer. Maybe we've heard the same kind of story a million times before, but for this woman it is her story and therefore it is important to her.

Every PNM who comes here has a story that is probably more complicated than they could ever adequately explain when they leave a question. Isn't it possible that we graciously give them the benefit of the doubt rather than automatically assume they are just another annoyance to be crushed?

Although GC may not be any kind of "official" panhellenic gathering place, it is an active advertisement for what Greek women are like. I would hope that PNMs who come here would find the best in Greek women and would be more excited to become a part of us instead of feeling that we are women to be avoided at all costs.

I just don't understand the lack of compassion when I am sure this is a virtue championed by most - if not all - of the groups we represent.

[kddani]

OH MY GOSH! You are so right. We're bad people

[BabyPiNK_FL]

Unfortunately Sallie, there isn't enough compassion to go around here. I avoid those threads like the plague because they all go the same way. It's sad to see several people rip on someone who's already down and doesn't understand why, but that is the unfortunate nature of this (appropriately titled) beast. People seem to lose it over nothing.

[icelandelf]

To answer your generalized question, they aren't.


http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=102998

[Thetagirl218]

Its hard to have compassion or honest answers with the person posts the same thing three times in three different threads or repeatedly asks questions that we can or will not answer, such as membership selection.

[ZTA72]

Several posters (me included) did try to answer the questions in a considerate manner to the extent we were able. I do have compassion for PNMs and often send them encouraging PMs. BUT...it comes to a point that enough is enough. Sometimes, there are no answers that the PNM wants to hear.

[Leslie Anne]

You're right, Sallie. I often cringe at the harsh responses given to PNMs whose Recruitment didn't end well. But like others have said, sometimes they don't want to really hear and understand what we have to say. There's always some excuse on their part that they will hold onto regardless of its logic.

I'm all for supporting PNMs who are lost in the process. I just won't coddle someone who doesn't listen. Babying people isn't always the best approach. If they want to learn and grow, they've got to accept some harsh realities.

[Jen]

We are anonymous folks on a message board.

If they want information about a particular subject, almost every scenario on earth has been brought up here before and answered in full. When they are too lazy to check, then yeah, it gets old and tiring and no one wants to deal with it. If their question is answered and they persist on asking again and again (hoping the answer will change) or arguing the validity of the answer, then yeah, bitch needs a slap.

If they are upset about their rush results NO ONE here is going to be able to tell them a) what they want to know, because it usually falls under membership info and as strangers we aren't privy to what happens in a particular chapter, or b) what they want to hear, which is that something went wrong and OF COURSE they're wanted by the group they loved and OF COURSE they should try again and OF COURSE it'll work out and if it doesn't then OF COURSE it's the sororities fault because they are wonderful and amazing and it was obviously just dumb luck they didn't get in.

That kind of support you get from your mom, your best friend, your sister, your boyfriend, not from strangers. We can't help. We can't change things, we can't make them feel better, we can't give insight beyond what's been given and told here hundreds and hundreds of times over.

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by ZTA72

BUT...it comes to a point that enough is enough. Sometimes, there are no answers that the PNM wants to hear.

And I agree completely. But I still don't see why a PNM who is having a hard time accepting the answers they are getting needs to be attacked. If they want to live in denial, that is fine. Someone can choose not to listen to what we are telling them. But why does it have to end up in personal attacks and rude comments? Why don't we, as women who supposedly represent the finest in womanhood, take the high road?

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

You're right, Sallie. I often cringe at the harsh responses given to PNMs whose Recruitment didn't end well. But like others have said, sometimes they don't want to really hear and understand what we have to say. There's always some excuse on their part that they will hold onto regardless of its logic.

I'm all for supporting PNMs who are lost in the process. I just won't coddle someone who doesn't listen. Babying people isn't always the best approach. If they want to learn and grow, they've got to accept some harsh realities.

And I agree. But being honest doesn't mean being downright rude which is what I have seen numerous times here.

Originally Posted by Jen

We are anonymous folks on a message board.

No, we aren't. We're Greek women who represent 26 fine organizations committed to providing women with outstanding opportunities to grow as individuals.

Originally Posted by Jen

If they want information about a particular subject, almost every scenario on earth has been brought up here before and answered in full. When they are too lazy to check, then yeah, it gets old and tiring and no one wants to deal with it. If their question is answered and they persist on asking again and again (hoping the answer will change) or arguing the validity of the answer, then yeah, bitch needs a slap.

I can honestly say that I'm glad I don't know which NPC group you represent here. I find your attitude very sad.

[SWTXBelle]

In most of the threads I've read, the PNMs aren't "demonized" until they adopt a poor attitude. Most GCers are very sympathetic to those who do not have a successful recruitment UNLESS the PNMs/Moms decide to criticize the entire sorority system, or become snarky when they don't receive the answers they are looking for. Sometimes there simply is no answer that we in cyberland can give them - but they refuse to accept that. No matter how many times you post the same question, or how strident you become in demanding an answer, there are some topics we will not discuss, and some situations we simply do not have enough information on to give any insight.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

I really don't understand why every time a hurting/confused/bewildered PNM comes on this board to try to find help and support, they end up being demonized. Yes, these questions get asked time and time again. Yes, there are lots of threads out there that address these questions.

But shouldn't we as women who belong to organizations that are committed to the highest goals and ideals of womanhood be able to take a few minutes and connect with another human being without making her feel like she is worthless? Reading older threads may supply some information, but it doesn't allow the woman to connect with other women who have more knowledge than she does. Even if every time this comes up a few of us would simply try to be kind and gracious, it would go a long way in living up to the ideals we say we profess for life. If these kinds of questions are an annoyance to some, then just ignore them. But certainly there are enough women on this board that we can take a few minutes to try to encourage someone who is searching for answers - even if the answer is to say with kindness and compassion that we don't know the answer. Maybe we've heard the same kind of story a million times before, but for this woman it is her story and therefore it is important to her.

Every PNM who comes here has a story that is probably more complicated than they could ever adequately explain when they leave a question. Isn't it possible that we graciously give them the benefit of the doubt rather than automatically assume they are just another annoyance to be crushed?

Although GC may not be any kind of "official" panhellenic gathering place, it is an active advertisement for what Greek women are like. I would hope that PNMs who come here would find the best in Greek women and would be more excited to become a part of us instead of feeling that we are women to be avoided at all costs.

I just don't understand the lack of compassion when I am sure this is a virtue championed by most - if not all - of the groups we represent.

SWTBelle and Jen summarized it pretty well.

I can only speak for myself, but I don't mind a PNM coming here upset about their recruitment or whatever, because I was in their position a while ago. But the difference is that many (if not most) of these PNMs have ignored our advice, or thought our advice was irrelevant to their situation. They truly think that their situation is unique, and when we try to explain (nicely I may add) that it isn't, that is when they decide to either degrade the sorority women on their campus, on GC or on both.

And yes, we are anonymous strangers on the internet regardless of our GLO affiliation.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

In most of the threads I've read, the PNMs aren't "demonized" until they adopt a poor attitude. Most GCers are very sympathetic to those who do not have a successful recruitment UNLESS the PNMs/Moms decide to criticize the entire sorority system, or become snarky when they don't receive the answers they are looking for. Sometimes there simply is no answer that we in cyberland can give them - but they refuse to accept that. No matter how many times you post the same question, or how strident you become in demanding an answer, there are some topics we will not discuss, and some situations we simply do not have enough information on to give any insight.

I stay out of the advice-giving since I'm not in an NPC organization. But, a lot of these PNMs are spoiled brats. If you come in and ask a question like the grown woman you are, NPC GCers always respond cordially and with as much information as they can give.

[APhiAnna]

Although I think some PNMs comments are ridiculous, I think in general people are too rude. I don't understand how some people can bemoan the fact that some sororities will pick on PNMs for not being rich/hot/outgoing enough, and call them elitist, but then they adopt the same elitist, pretentious and bitchy attitude towards people whose problem is that they don't know enough about GLOs or haven't been on Greek Chat for over 5 years. I normally don't care and it's never affected me personally, but I'll point out hypocrisy when I see it. To me I don't see the difference between a hot, blonde, Phi Beta Popular (to steal a recent cute name from somebodies thread haha!) saying that she doesn't care if she cuts ugly/poor girls and a GC member who says they don't care if people think they are rude. I think it's the exact same thing, and at least have the courage to step up to the plate and own up to it.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

Although I think some PNMs comments are ridiculous, I think in general people are too rude. I don't understand how some people can bemoan the fact that some sororities will pick on PNMs for not being rich/hot/outgoing enough, and call them elitist, but then they adopt the same elitist, pretentious and bitchy attitude towards people whose problem is that they don't know enough about GLOs or haven't been on Greek Chat for over 5 years. I normally don't care and it's never affected me personally, but I'll point out hypocrisy when I see it. To me I don't see the difference between a hot, blonde, Phi Beta Popular (to steal a recent cute name from somebodies thread haha!) saying that she doesn't care if she cuts ugly/poor girls and a GC member who says they don't care if people think they are rude. I think it's the exact same thing, and at least have the courage to step up to the plate and own up to it.

So I don't know if it's because I'm almost in a Mexican-food induced coma, but your last few sentences do not make sense. WTH are you talking about? Who isn't "stepping up to the plate" and what aren't they "owning?" And how the heck are those two 'scenarios' the same?

[gee_ess]

I think what Trideltsallie is saying (and I tend to agree) is that she would like to see less reactionary responses from the women online. When a young, immature, hurting pnm starts spouting off, take the high road.
Don't belittle yourself or your organization by getting into a pissing match with someone who you know doesn't know better and won't listen. No one wins. And you only hurt your organization. We aren't anonymous...

just my 2cents