Bridal authority, how far should it go?

[IncontRHOllable]

Hey Sorors/Sistergreeks. I had an interesting conversation with a bride to be and I thought I'd post it here and see what you think. If you are a bridesmaid, maid of honor, etc., and the bride told you that she wants "her girls" to wear their hair in a bun with spiral curls but your hair is in a funky short cut so you can't really wear that unless you pay for a weave, do you wear your hair in the style the bride picked or do you risk upsetting the bride by wearing your own style? The same question applies for the dresses. Say its your BF that's getting married and she picks out a dress for you that is less than flattering to your figure. Do you go with her decision and wear the dress that's less than flattering for you or do you try to change her mind by looking at other dress options?

[sageofages]

Originally Posted by IncontRHOllable

Hey Sorors/Sistergreeks. I had an interesting conversation with a bride to be and I thought I'd post it here and see what you think. If you are a bridesmaid, maid of honor, etc., and the bride told you that she wants "her girls" to wear their hair in a bun with spiral curls but your hair is in a funky short cut so you can't really wear that unless you pay for a weave, do you wear your hair in the style the bride picked or do you risk upsetting the bride by wearing your own style? The same question applies for the dresses. Say its your BF that's getting married and she picks out a dress for you that is less than flattering to your figure. Do you go with her decision and wear the dress that's less than flattering for you or do you try to change her mind by looking at other dress options?

Wellllllllll.

Dress first. Attendants wear what the bridezi...er Bride picks. If it is hideous or unflattering the attendant has one of three options....try and change the bride's mind, suck it up and wear it out of "love/friendship" for the bride (and laugh her @ss off about it years down the road) or don't be an attendant.

Hair...now that is another story. I have waist length STRAIGHT boring hair. It does not curl, and I don't do short. (yes yes...boring boring boring). Don't touch my hair. Asking a friend to "do" something unnatural to them with their hair is just over the edge, IMHO.

So dress negotiable...hair NOT.

[IncontRHOllable]

Originally Posted by sageofages

Wellllllllll.

Dress first. Attendants wear what the bridezi...er Bride picks. If it is hideous or unflattering the attendant has one of three options....try and change the bride's mind, suck it up and wear it out of "love/friendship" for the bride (and laugh her @ss off about it years down the road) or don't be an attendant.

Hair...now that is another story. I have waist length STRAIGHT boring hair. It does not curl, and I don't do short. (yes yes...boring boring boring). Don't touch my hair. Asking a friend to "do" something unnatural to them with their hair is just over the edge, IMHO.

So dress negotiable...hair NOT.

I think it all should be negotiable because the bridesmaids are doing the bride a favor by paying for their dresses. If the bride is paying for the bridesmaids dresses, then I guess the bridesmaids would simply have to agree with her choice of dress regardless to if its flattering to their figure of not. Some brides don't want the bridesmaids to outshine them so they will choose a dress that looks ridiculous. I would opt to tell her the dresses look ridiculous and try to negotiate first before I abandon her wedding party.

As for the hair, I have witnessed brides requesting ridiculous hairstyles for their wedding party. I don't agree that a Bride should have any say whatsoever on how the wedding party wears their hair, especially if the bridesmaid would have to get a weave to achieve the style the bride wants. It doesn't matter if the bride is paying for the weave or not, she should not have the right to dictate your hairstyle. I think her authority should only go as far as requesting her wedding party to wear hairstyles that are appropriate for a wedding. JMHO.

[neosoul]

Originally Posted by IncontRHOllable

Hey Sorors/Sistergreeks. I had an interesting conversation with a bride to be and I thought I'd post it here and see what you think. If you are a bridesmaid, maid of honor, etc., and the bride told you that she wants "her girls" to wear their hair in a bun with spiral curls but your hair is in a funky short cut so you can't really wear that unless you pay for a weave, do you wear your hair in the style the bride picked or do you risk upsetting the bride by wearing your own style? The same question applies for the dresses. Say its your BF that's getting married and she picks out a dress for you that is less than flattering to your figure. Do you go with her decision and wear the dress that's less than flattering for you or do you try to change her mind by looking at other dress options?

-unless the bride is paying for a weave, not happening
-if my "BF", who should know better, chooses anunflattering dress, she will have to look for someone to replace me or workwith me to find a new dress

this is why I'm never in anyone's wedding

[Still BLUTANG]

as a professional bridesmaid, i've always worn what the bride wants me to wear - but my hair is my bidness.

I've been in weddings when my hair was natural, relaxed, braided, you name it... but neither the bride nor the other bridesmaids made an issue out of the hairstyle selections as long as our dresses, shoes, nails, etc were all coordinating.

goodluck!

[33girl]

Bridesmaids have to wear ugly dresses they pay for. That's part of it.

However, NO WAY should anyone have to get a weave or anything like that. Long hair done up? Yes. Weave? Heck no. That's like asking everyone to dye their hair the same color.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by IncontRHOllable

Hey Sorors/Sistergreeks. I had an interesting conversation with a bride to be and I thought I'd post it here and see what you think. If you are a bridesmaid, maid of honor, etc., and the bride told you that she wants "her girls" to wear their hair in a bun with spiral curls but your hair is in a funky short cut so you can't really wear that unless you pay for a weave, do you wear your hair in the style the bride picked or do you risk upsetting the bride by wearing your own style? The same question applies for the dresses. Say its your BF that's getting married and she picks out a dress for you that is less than flattering to your figure. Do you go with her decision and wear the dress that's less than flattering for you or do you try to change her mind by looking at other dress options?

Option #1
ELOPE

[jojapeach]

Originally Posted by sageofages

Wellllllllll.

If it is hideous or unflattering the attendant has one of three options....try and change the bride's mind, suck it up and wear it out of "love/friendship" for the bride (and laugh her @ss off about it years down the road) or don't be an attendant.

100% agree. I'll be in my best friend's wedding next spring, and several of the bridesmaids were able to convince the bride to allow us to choose similar dresses that were flattering to each of us, just in the same color. As long as she agreed. But if she doesn't agree, you just wear it for the day, and maybe donate it as a prom dress.

But the hair??? It's the bride's day, but it's still my hair. She can advise that the hair not be over-the-top ghettoness, but she shouldn't dream of dictating that weave will be worn on her wedding day. I think I can make good choices on how to wear a tasteful natural style for a formal occasion.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by IncontRHOllable

Hey Sorors/Sistergreeks. I had an interesting conversation with a bride to be and I thought I'd post it here and see what you think. If you are a bridesmaid, maid of honor, etc., and the bride told you that she wants "her girls" to wear their hair in a bun with spiral curls but your hair is in a funky short cut so you can't really wear that unless you pay for a weave, do you wear your hair in the style the bride picked or do you risk upsetting the bride by wearing your own style? The same question applies for the dresses. Say its your BF that's getting married and she picks out a dress for you that is less than flattering to your figure. Do you go with her decision and wear the dress that's less than flattering for you or do you try to change her mind by looking at other dress options?

I say people take the wedding ceremonial crap way too seriously.

Let people choose from a variety of hairstyles that fit with the look you're going for. That would make it easy for someone with short hair to simply add accessories to it or whatever.

Always choose dresses that are flattering to every figures and allow people to choose from other forms and fits of the same color and style of dress.

I don't want anyone in my wedding feeling uncomfortable or looking a hot mess just because I'm stuck on stupid. The guests and wedding party are basically doing the bride and groom A FAVOR. No one's getting paid for it and people are usually spending a great deal of money (except for my bestfriend's wedding that cost me ZERO) and taking a lot of time out to attend and participate.

[IncontRHOllable]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I say people take the wedding ceremonial crap way too seriously.

.

That I TOOOOtally agree with. I know for me I had to wear a dress that I thought was not flattering to me at all for a friends wedding. I did gently ask her to reconsider but she was soooooooo insistent that the dress was thee most gorgeous dress ever. That would be true for a girl with a body type that is straight up and down with 0 curves and is a size 1-2. I on the other hand am a size 8 with curves so the dress made me look ridiculous! On one hand you don't want to upset your bride because this is a stressful time for her and why add to the stress. On the other hand, why should I have to look a fool for you to have your day. That was the first and last time that I would allow myself to wear something that was unflattering for me to appease someone else for their day.

Its a shame but I know of someone who told her cousin that she RUINED her wedding just because the cousin opted not to weave her hair to achieve the spiral curl and updo style that the bride chose for her wedding party. The bride even tried to make the cousin press her hair straight and curl it by having her stylist there when the cousin arrived to change into her dress ont he wedding day. The cousin opted to wear her natural hair in a style similar to the one the bride chose for the wedding party. It looked really gorgeous and it looked better than the rest of the wedding party to me. In that case, the cousin could not just quit the wedding party on the day of the wedding because that really would have messed things up for the bride. I was in shock at how serious these things are for some brides.

[Little32]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

Option #1
ELOPE

Exactly. If I ever get married, I will most likely elope. I have been to too many weddings that were stress-fests, anti-climatic, and ultimately depressing.

Elope and then have a reception when you get back. And now back to your regularly scheduled discussion...

[Benzgirl]

A "friend" of mine did this to her bridesmaids. The Bridezi...woops...Bride insisted on a hairstyle and dress that looked good on only one girl. After the wedding she had the nerve to say that no one complimented her on "her taste".

Well honey...you don't have any.

Even though I'm as pale white as it comes, my hair is very similar to ethnic hair. The black women who see me during my relaxer say, " Honey, you have SOME hair". I would absolutely kill a bride for being as insensitive to ask her "friends" to do something that is unflattering. A true bride-friend will consider your feelings, even on "her day".

If she didn't, I would politely decline the role of bridesmaid.

[sigmadiva]

As everyone has said, I would have a problem with changing my hair.

The dress, well I would have to live with it - and I did. I was in a wedding where the bridesmaids dresses were all the same - fuchsia pink, strapless fishtails, cocktail length. The problem other than the color, there were no stays along the bodice of the dress, so for the 'top heavy' girls like me, we spent the whole wedding trying to keep the dress up. Needless to say, when it was time to catch the bouquet, I was not reaching for it.

[Still BLUTANG]

Originally Posted by sigmadiva

As everyone has said, I would have a problem with changing my hair.

The dress, well I would have to live with it - and I did. I was in a wedding where the bridesmaids dresses were all the same - fuchsia pink, strapless fishtails, cocktail length. The problem other than the color, there were no stays along the bodice of the dress, so for the 'top heavy' girls like me, we spent the whole wedding trying to keep the dress up. Needless to say, when it was time to catch the bouquet, I was not reaching for it.

were you in the wedding EYE was in earlier this summer? same dress and same colors!!!!! wow.....

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by Still BLUTANG

were you in the wedding EYE was in earlier this summer? same dress and same colors!!!!! wow.....

The taste of some brides....