SO CONFUSED

tatafernow · #1 02-01-2009, 10:08 PM

Hi Im a new sister in the sorority I just joined and i am SO CONFUSED... I joined because I was looking for that sisterly bond to share with people who believed in the same values that I do. At first I was really into it...but now...I just dont know. Greek life is so full of drama EVERYWHERE..and it's causing some major problems in my life...my grades are the worst they have ever been, my boyfriend hates that im in the sorority in the first place and it making us have major friction... I dont knwo what to do..I feel so alone...like even though im in a meeting with 30 girls....im all alone. the odd-ball. I LOVE the values that my sorority stands for but the girls in it dont uphold them..I mean they're really nice but when Im around them I feel like the only thing to grek life is partying and drinking with the fraternities down the street....
I need help....guidance....

migreek · #2 02-01-2009, 10:13 PM

From what you mention, maybe your just in the wrong sorority.

knight_shadow · #3 02-01-2009, 10:16 PM

KSUViolet06 · #4 02-01-2009, 10:32 PM

There are lots of sorority members who have felt this way at some point. My honest suggestions

Just like all other friendships you've had, friendships within a sorority are NOT automatic. They take time and effort.

You have to be a friend to make one.

If you're feeling all alone, I suggest that you reach out and attempt to make plans with girls! you feel as though girls aren't making friends with you, have to reach out and ask them to do things.

Often girls aren't sure if you'd want to hang out with them, so they don't ask. If you asked, sometimes they'd be more likely to come along. Don't say that "no one wants to hang out with me" if you never ask.

Just randomly ask a couple of sisters to get coffee after chapter meeting. That's how I got to know girls in my first year.

Also, ask yourself: Am I acting like I want people to be my friend? Sometimes, if you're sitting back and looking sulky or something, girls will be less likely to approach you and ask you to do stuff.

I know you said you have a boyfriend, and boyfriends are great. However, I've seen it happen where girls are spending SO much boyfriend time, that they're missing out on getting to know their sisters because they 're always doing boyfriend stuff. I'm not saying that you do this, but it's something to think about.

It's also a good idea to GET INVOLVED. It's easy to feel left out when you aren't actively involved with the chapter or doing things to help out. Join a committee, help with an event, volunteer for something (even if it's just something little). Show that you have some interest in what's going on, and girls may respond to that.

Hopefully you'll take some of this advice and things will get better. Good luck!

agzg · #5 02-01-2009, 10:37 PM

Does your chapter have a viable scholarship program? Take advantage of library hours, if your chapter does them - Study tables got me through my last three years of college with minimal overnighters or weekend cramming.

tatafernow · #6 02-01-2009, 10:41 PM

I dont know I mean I really like everything that it's "supposed" to stand for...

beccaminister · #7 02-01-2009, 10:42 PM

First, I'd advise that you give it some time and that you give it your full effort. Be a "joiner", do your best to make friends and ask your sisters for academic assistance. they will help you!

Boyfriends come and go, but sisterhood is forever.

agzg · #8 02-01-2009, 10:49 PM

The first semester after being initiated it definitely does all seem like the social - I didn't have a full understanding of our ritual or sisterhood really until after watching another new member class go through. Actually, my understanding of what it means to be an Alpha Gam gets deeper every day.

I guess what I'm saying is it's not instant. Focus on your studies, try to get involved with the chapter (beyond going to socials), good luck.

KSUViolet06 · #9 02-01-2009, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tatafernow

I dont know I mean I really like everything that it's "supposed" to stand for...

I find that if girls get involved and really start interacting with other sisters, that's when you REALLY come to see what the sorority really stands for and what it's values mean.

To be honest with you, I truthfully didn't understand "Faithful Unto Death" until I REALLY got involved. It's not something you can experience just sitting back on the sideline. I didn't know what it meant to be "Faithful Unto Death" until I started to form relationships with my sisters.

There's no way I would have really connected with what we stood for just by going to chapter meeting, paying dues, and going home.

It's not instant, but as you stick around, you finally get to understand what it's all about.

AnatraAmore · #10 02-01-2009, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I find that if girls get involved and really start interacting with other sisters, that's when you REALLY come to see what the sorority really stands for and what it's values mean.

I found this to be especially true as well. Co-sign on the get involved bandwagon. What aspects of being in a sorority drew you to Greek Life in the first place? What attracted you to your chapter? I'm guessing that it wasn't their social calendar, so you obviously selected this chapter for another reason. Was it the close-knit sisterhood? If so, volunteer to help plan a sisterhood event. Or if your chapter has a Sunshine/sisterhood chair or committee, ask if you could help out. (Our Sunshine Chair was always busy with birthday cards, creating little gifts, etc. and loved when people stepped up to help.) Was it your chapter's amazing annual philanthropy? Ask if you can help organize it.

You get the idea. Figure out what it was that drew you into Greek Life and made you select your chapter. Helping out with things you enjoy is not only fun, but will also help you get to know sisters. It may also help you see the values that your sorority upholds.

It's on you to get involved and make the most of the commitment you've made to your sorority. Regardless, give it some time so you don't make a hasty decision you may later regret.

loveandAOE · #11 02-02-2009, 12:02 AM

It's unfortunate that you are feeling left out, that can be a lonely feeling.

However, I feel that when a lot of girls join a sorority you automatically become best friends with every girl in the house, you have to make the effort to hang out and make those friendships and connections.

And about the drinking thing, I know plenty of girls that go to fraternities/parties/out and don't drink [me included]. You don't have to drink to have a good time, it's hanging out with the girls that makes those nights esspecially memorable and special.

But that's just my 2 cents.

preciousjeni · #12 02-02-2009, 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tatafernow

my boyfriend hates that im in the sorority in the first place and it making us have major friction

Never a valid reason to be unhappy with a sorority. All of the other reasons can potentially be remedied, but if you let a boy who has no impact on your future run you, you'll be miserable. And, if he did want to have an impact on your future, he should be supportive of you.

Zillini · #13 02-02-2009, 10:22 AM

2nd semester "let down" is a pretty common phenomenon, especially for freshmen. Think about it. There was the excitement of leaving home for the first time. Then the whirlwind of Recruitment, followed by the excitement of being a brand new member. You're meeting new sisters, attending new member meetings, learning about this organization you pledged your life to, and eventually the amazing time of Initiation. Throw in the excitement of a football season, along with things like Homecoming activities, and going to your first sorority social functions. Everything is a "first". On top of all that, you are starting your college education and learning new things.

So what happens the next semester? It can feel like a big let down because there aren't many new things or "firsts". Too often it's a shock when fall grades came in and you realize that college level classes were a lot more challenging than high school. Mom & Dad probably weren't very happy. Classes require a lot more time and work. That's the thing, everything feels like work and obligations, even the sorority. Where's the fun, the excitement? Everything is old hat.

Now is the time to figure out what you want your college life to be. Friendships don't just happen, they take time and effort, even with sisters. School takes committment. Getting involved in other campus activities takes an effort. The "fun" will come again, but it may be a different kind of "fun" and you may have to look/work for it.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #14 02-02-2009, 12:29 PM

I had a case of the 2nd semester let down.

I'd had really high (unreasonable) expectations of my sorority and the sisters, and then I was disappointed when they didn't measure up to these ideals I had. I didn't even give them a chance to show me what they had to offer.

I also didn't make enough of an effort to get to be friends with the other girls. I felt left out, lonely, and my self-esteem suffered because I thought these girls chose not to be friends with ME, not the other way around.

Once I made a commitment to the sorority, things turned around. I told myself that I'd made vows (during initiation) and I was going to keep them, so for now on dropping out is NOT an option. No more fantasizing about it. And once I'd really dedicated myself to the sorority, it became easier to get to know the girls - they didn't seem so distant, somehow. That meant I got more involved in events, too.

It's also important to know your sisters will disappoint you sometimes. They're not perfect. You can't expect them to hold true to the ideals every waking minute; you can just expect them to try to. Cut them some slack.

33girl · #15 02-02-2009, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

Never a valid reason to be unhappy with a sorority. All of the other reasons can potentially be remedied, but if you let a boy who has no impact on your future run you, you'll be miserable. And, if he did want to have an impact on your future, he should be supportive of you.

This hits the nail on the head. Make sure your concerns about "values" and "drinking and partying with fraternities" are coming from your heart and not subtle digs from your boyfriend.

There is going to be drama especially in smaller Greek systems (which, w/ a 30 person chapter, I assume yours is) where everyone knows everyone and you're all in each others' pockets 24/7. The positive side of it is you feel closer to everyone and more like a big family.