deactivate?

[unicorn303]

Lately I've been unhappy with my chapter and thinking about deactivating. However being a part of the national organization is really important to me and I want to stay a part of it. Is there any way I can get alumni status?

I don't really want to participate in our campus activities (mixing with freshman/soph boys isnt fun, im sick of the binge drinking scene, I'm only close with like 10 girls out of the 100 in our chapter) and for the few events I go to, its really not worth the $1000/year I'm paying. So I haven't had any fights/problems with my chapter and I don't want to leave on bad terms... is it possible to ask for alumni status?

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Originally Posted by unicorn303

Lately I've been unhappy with my chapter and thinking about deactivating. However being a part of the national organization is really important to me and I want to stay a part of it. Is there any way I can get alumni status?

I don't really want to participate in our campus activities (mixing with freshman/soph boys isnt fun, im sick of the binge drinking scene, I'm only close with like 10 girls out of the 100 in our chapter) and for the few events I go to, its really not worth the $1000/year I'm paying. So I haven't had any fights/problems with my chapter and I don't want to leave on bad terms... is it possible to ask for alumni status?

It absolutely depends on what organization you're a member of (but don't go posting it on the open board). I would try to stick it out, though.

You could stick around and change things. If you're tired of the drinking and frat scene, maybe you could help pledge girls who share you're way of thinking. It might be good for your whole chapter to get some new blood. Maybe you could take and officer position.

Some organizations can grant early/emergency alum status, but your situation would probably not fall into that category. If you're a freshman, sophomore, or even junior, you're probably going to have to quit or stick it out. I would stick it out...you really have the possibility to change things for your chapter.

[Thetagirl218]

Originally Posted by ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl

It absolutely depends on what organization you're a member of (but don't go posting it on the open board). I would try to stick it out, though.

You could stick around and change things. If you're tired of the drinking and frat scene, maybe you could help pledge girls who share you're way of thinking. It might be good for your whole chapter to get some new blood. Maybe you could take and officer position.

Some organizations can grant early/emergency alum status, but your situation would probably not fall into that category. If you're a freshman, sophomore, or even junior, you're probably going to have to quit or stick it out. I would stick it out...you really have the possibility to change things for your chapter.

AGD is right on, it all depends on your GLO. Each group is different when it comes to alum and deactive status. My advice would me to review your sorority and chapter policies regarding this issue.

I had a friend in college who was a member of a different GLO. She deactivated and gave up her pin during her senior year because of similar reasons. She is now an alum and is regretting that decision.

I would agree that you should stick with it. You can only change things from the inside, not the outside.

[unicorn303]

Originally Posted by Thetagirl218

AGD is right on, it all depends on your GLO. Each group is different when it comes to alum and deactive status. My advice would me to review your sorority and chapter policies regarding this issue.

do you know where I would find this information? Is it something I should contact nationals about, or our chapter exec board? There is nothing about it in our chapter bylaws, just a short paragraph on deactivating with nothing mentioning "emergency alum status" or anything like that.

I would feel bad about deactivating completely, maybe not next year but after i graduate. I don't want to give up my pin! At the same time the "greek scene" doesn't interest me very much anymore, esp since most of my closest friends aren't greek (except the few girls in my chapter I am very close to).. and its soooo expensive.

this is such a hard choice

[OleMissGlitter]

I would speak with an officer first, like your VP of Chapter Relatoins or VP of Standards. Then if they are not helpful, contact an advisor. Using the chain of command is the first key to communication success. Also, what about getting involved more with philanthropic events and things like that?

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by unicorn303

do you know where I would find this information? Is it something I should contact nationals about, or our chapter exec board? There is nothing about it in our chapter bylaws, just a short paragraph on deactivating with nothing mentioning "emergency alum status" or anything like that.

I would feel bad about deactivating completely, maybe not next year but after i graduate. I don't want to give up my pin! At the same time the "greek scene" doesn't interest me very much anymore, esp since most of my closest friends aren't greek (except the few girls in my chapter I am very close to).. and its soooo expensive.

this is such a hard choice

I hate to say it, but I hardly consider "not being interested in the greek scene anymore" a valid reason to go on emergency alum status.

Joining a GLO, whether it's NPC, IFC, NPHC, local, whatever shouldn't be treated like a club that you can choose to come and go as you please because something doesn't interest you now, but you might like being an alum later.

If you don't want to spend the money, and you don't feel it's "worth it" just deactivate and open up the slot for your chapter to find someone who really is.

I find it hard to believe that in a chapter of 100+ women you can't find anyone there who is interested in things that you are that have nothing to do with the "binge drinking scene".

And for $1000+ per semester, I would assume, or at least HOPE that your chapter has more than a couple activities per year. Or was that you only chose to attend a couple of events per year? If it's that your chapter only holds a couple events per year, you might want to have a talk with your exec board to see where all the chapter's dues go to.

[Thetagirl218]

Originally Posted by unicorn303

do you know where I would find this information? Is it something I should contact nationals about, or our chapter exec board? There is nothing about it in our chapter bylaws, just a short paragraph on deactivating with nothing mentioning "emergency alum status" or anything like that.

Most sororities have a section on deactivating in their national bylaws if it is not in the chapter ones. I do agree with the other posters, please make sure you follow the chain of command.

If you have any specific questions for me just send me a PM.

[unicorn303]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

I hate to say it, but I hardly consider "not being interested in the greek scene anymore" a valid reason to go on emergency alum status.

Joining a GLO, whether it's NPC, IFC, NPHC, local, whatever shouldn't be treated like a club that you can choose to come and go as you please because something doesn't interest you now, but you might like being an alum later.

If you don't want to spend the money, and you don't feel it's "worth it" just deactivate and open up the slot for your chapter to find someone who really is.

I find it hard to believe that in a chapter of 100+ women you can't find anyone there who is interested in things that you are that have nothing to do with the "binge drinking scene".

And for $1000+ per semester, I would assume, or at least HOPE that your chapter has more than a couple activities per year. Or was that you only chose to attend a couple of events per year? If it's that your chapter only holds a couple events per year, you might want to have a talk with your exec board to see where all the chapter's dues go to.

I mean, no there are events every week.. usually mixers with a fraternity. And I loved them freshman and sophomore year, but I've gotten bored with them. And we also have sisterhood events every week or every other week but I don't usually have time for them. I usually go to chapter every Sunday. We have a crush party coming up next weekend and I will probably go to that!

As for the girls, I have one best friend in it.. we roomed together when we lived in the House and we are getting an apartment together next year. I also have a group of 5 girls in it who I am pretty good friends with, we travel and meet up outside of school and stuff. Other girls in it I am friendly with on a surface level. There are some I don't like, but no major conflicts. Our new pledge class (from January) is fine but I haven't gotten to know them yet and I really don't care about getting to know them.

Another thing is, my 5 close friends in it aren't SUPER active, well 2 are active but abroad, 1 is decently active and 2 are not very active. So I hate going to events and not having my close group there which makes me not want to go to anything, so now I feel like I might as well not pay for going to nothing.

And getting more involved... idk if I want to meet NEW people.. I already have a large-enough social network, mainly outside of the Greek system, so that's another reason I don't want to go to events at times, leaving my friends to go to events where there are people I don't know as well?

And i dont really have soo much money to throw around u kno? I have loans and stuff so its a lot of money I could save.

At the same time, the rituals and meanings and idea of sisterhood is important to me and I like our ceremonies and having a pin and wearing letters.

I guess typing this out was just for me to get my thoughts out.

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by unicorn303

I mean, no there are events every week.. usually mixers with a fraternity. And I loved them freshman and sophomore year, but I've gotten bored with them. And we also have sisterhood events every week or every other week but I don't usually have time for them. I usually go to chapter every Sunday. We have a crush party coming up next weekend and I will probably go to that!

As for the girls, I have one best friend in it.. we roomed together when we lived in the House and we are getting an apartment together next year. I also have a group of 5 girls in it who I am pretty good friends with, we travel and meet up outside of school and stuff. Other girls in it I am friendly with on a surface level. There are some I don't like, but no major conflicts. Our new pledge class (from January) is fine but I haven't gotten to know them yet and I really don't care about getting to know them.

Another thing is, my 5 close friends in it aren't SUPER active, well 2 are active but abroad, 1 is decently active and 2 are not very active. So I hate going to events and not having my close group there which makes me not want to go to anything, so now I feel like I might as well not pay for going to nothing.

And getting more involved... idk if I want to meet NEW people.. I already have a large-enough social network, mainly outside of the Greek system, so that's another reason I don't want to go to events at times, leaving my friends to go to events where there are people I don't know as well?

And i dont really have soo much money to throw around u kno? I have loans and stuff so its a lot of money I could save.

At the same time, the rituals and meanings and idea of sisterhood is important to me and I like our ceremonies and having a pin and wearing letters.

I guess typing this out was just for me to get my thoughts out.

A few Questions -

if you don't want to meet new people, why did you join a sorority in the first place?

If you don't want to go to events because the few sisters you are close with don't go, why not encourage them to go to more events?

Getting to know people is a 2-way street no matter who you're talking about - and that is the same for your sorority sisters. You can't just join and then magically you will be best friends with everyone.

Lots of people have student loans. I know I did when I was in college, but it all worked out.

It sounds to me you just like wearing your letter sweatshirts and having a pin in your jewlery box.

Being in a sorority is more than just an "idea" of sisterhood. You get out of it what you put into it. It's as simple as that.

If you don't want to put anything into it, there's the door.

[violetpretty]

I doubt you'd be able to get early alum status. Early alum status is generally reserved for members who (including, but not limited to):
transfer
leave the school for any reason, even if just a semester
get married
are working on their bachelor's degree for longer than 8 semesters

Your sorority might have different policies regarding different membership status, so check with your chapter president or someone on the chapter's advisory board, but I'd be REALLY surprised if there is an NPC that allows a member to go early alum (i.e. not pay dues, not have the obligations for more than one semester yet still remain a sister) just because she "is bored" or "doesn't feel close with sisters" or "doesn't want to meet people".

I'd give suggestions to an active who "feels bored" and "not close with sisters" but you sound like you don't even want to TRY to make it work. I honestly think that if you wanted and tried to get closer to sisters in the chapter, you could, and you'd really enjoy yourself.

There have been members in my chapter who became less active as time went on and decided to quit. Usually, they felt distant from most of the chapter because they hadn't been active in much, and therefore didn't feel it was "worth it". However, I can guarantee you that if those members had decided "Hey, I am going to start being active in the chapter" that the chapter would have been very happy to have them "back" so to speak.

You basically want the benefits without the responsibilities, and that's not what membership in a sorority is all about. You need to reexamine what it is that makes you want to stay and evaluate if that is important enough to pay the dues, attend the events, etc.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

A few Questions -

if you don't want to meet new people, why did you join a sorority in the first place?

If you don't want to go to events because the few sisters you are close with don't go, why not encourage them to go to more events?

Getting to know people is a 2-way street no matter who you're talking about - and that is the same for your sorority sisters. You can't just join and then magically you will be best friends with everyone.

Lots of people have student loans. I know I did when I was in college, but it all worked out.

It sounds to me you just like wearing your letter sweatshirts and having a pin in your jewlery box.

Being in a sorority is more than just an "idea" of sisterhood. You get out of it what you put into it. It's as simple as that.

If you don't want to put anything into it, there's the door.

Very well put.

[unicorn303]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

A few Questions -

if you don't want to meet new people, why did you join a sorority in the first place?

If you don't want to go to events because the few sisters you are close with don't go, why not encourage them to go to more events?

Getting to know people is a 2-way street no matter who you're talking about - and that is the same for your sorority sisters. You can't just join and then magically you will be best friends with everyone.

Lots of people have student loans. I know I did when I was in college, but it all worked out.

It sounds to me you just like wearing your letter sweatshirts and having a pin in your jewlery box.

Being in a sorority is more than just an "idea" of sisterhood. You get out of it what you put into it. It's as simple as that.

If you don't want to put anything into it, there's the door.

I appreciate you being honest with me about this. I suppose I just have a lot to think about.

I did join to meet more people...When I pledged, I met so many new people and loved it, and when the first new pledge class after me came, I got to know them very very well and am close to people there.

I love my friends in and out of the sorority. For the sisters I'm close to I don't think I need the sorority events to maintain our friendships.

I guess there's no way to be close to 100 girls, but I think this is what I hoped for, even though it is unrealistic. So when I see a girl I don't know well wearing my letters I just feel like the whole thing isn't important. Our chapter also almost doubled in size in the last 3 years, which is part of the problem (for me).

I guess the overall problem is that I don't feel very close to the chapter as a whole and don't really have the time(or energy) to invest in it to have a big position or to become good friends with everyone. And this makes me feel like I'm not putting enough in or getting enough out of it, so I might as well not be in it.

[unicorn303]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I'd give suggestions to an active who "feels bored" and "not close with sisters" but you sound like you don't even want to TRY to make it work. I honestly think that if you wanted and tried to get closer to sisters in the chapter, you could, and you'd really enjoy yourself.

You basically want the benefits without the responsibilities, and that's not what membership in a sorority is all about. You need to reexamine what it is that makes you want to stay and evaluate if that is important enough to pay the dues, attend the events, etc.

thanks for your thoughts.

what suggestions would you give to someone who feels bored/not v.close to sisters?

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by unicorn303

thanks for your thoughts.

what suggestions would you give to someone who feels bored/not v.close to sisters?

You have to want to be more active in your chapter and feel close to your sisters. Go to events. Invite your non-Greek friends to events where guests are appropriate, like crush parties, philanthropy events, Greek Week events, etc. to show them that you don't have to "choose" between them and your sisters. Talk to 2-3 sisters you don't know well each week. Hang out with them, not necessarily at sorority events, just like lunch, ice cream, movies, shopping, stuff that friends do. Friendship is a 2 way street, but usually when someone extends a hand, the other party will respond well.

ETA: Do you have a little, btw? You mentioned that your chapter has nearly doubled in size since you joined, so do you feel like the character has changed? If you do have a little, do you connect with her? She might be your "bridge" to the younger members.

ETA again: I think that another good way to get re-involved would be to hang out with some of the new members. If there's any drama or hard feelings about you being MIA with the older members, the younger members won't know that, and will likely be receptive to your attention.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Are you required to attend mixers? Or is there a point system for ativities? The good thing about social events is that they're rarely required. On the other hand, the less time you spend with the chapter, the less you're going to like them. And every chapter is different, but in mine, if you can show up for a party you can show up for chapter. Work before play and all of that.

You aren't going to be friends with everyone in your chapter. That's a lot of girls, and you can't possibly click with ALL of them. In fact, you're VERY lucky that you have no major conflicts at all. Just looking at it from a common sense standpoint, usually a group of over 100 girls is going to have a few issues. My best friends aren't even in my sorority. But I still love my sisters. Just because you aren't best friends with most of the girls in your chapter doesn't mean you aren't going to get sisterhood. I feel like a sister and know I can depend on my sisters and that they can call me if they need me without being BFF-4EVER and all of that with them.
Another thing is, my 5 close friends in it aren't SUPER active, well 2 are active but abroad, 1 is decently active and 2 are not very active. So I hate going to events and not having my close group there which makes me not want to go to anything, so now I feel like I might as well not pay for going to nothing. The older you get the harder it is to get close to the incoming pledge classes, but that's ok too.

It sounds like you just don't try very hard. Making friends requires effort. If you put more in you'd get more out.

It sounds like you've already made up your mind and want people to reassure you. Most people here aren't going to encourage you to quit. I think it's a bad idea, myself. A little more effort could make a huge difference, and if you're a junior or senior, what's the point in quitting now? I'm not as "into" my chapter as I was as a freshman and sophomore, but I'd never be able to quit, personally. Sisterhood is sisterhood, and I've put too much into the chapter to want to leave it. It's a small thing to pay dues and go to chapter meetings.

Maybe put the same effort you put into your other friends into this new pledge class. You'll be amazed at how more included you'll feel. The freshmen always want older sisters to like them, and they'll really appreciate the attention you'll give them.