Roommate didn't get a bid....

pink007 · #1 02-18-2008, 01:08 PM

Hey everyone, we just finished rush at my school and thankfully I got a bid to the sorority i reallllly wanted to join!!! However, my roommate didn't get any. I was so so excited but now I feel so terrible to see how sad she is, not to mention its hard for me to be happy when my roommate is crying! Does anyone have ANY advice or words of wisdom/encouragement that i can give to her? I really want her to feel better and I don't want to sound selfish but I also want to get the most out of this time and I feel like it'll be hard if my roommate is really upset.

KSUViolet06 · #2 02-18-2008, 01:20 PM

What a tough spot to be in. There's not much you can do or say. The best thing you can do is be there for her. Eventually this will pass and she will feel better, it just takes time.

Sometimes, in situations like that, trying to be encouraging may not really help since she might think "Oh well it's easy for you to say stuff like that since you got a bid."

I also suggest making sure you guys still get to hang out and have "roommate time" even though you're in a sorority

The best thing to do is be there for her when she wants to talk, but don't over-do it. Like if you keep saying "OMG I am so sorry", it may only remind her and make her sad all over again. Giver her her space and in a few weeks, things should be better.

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Benzgirl · #3 02-18-2008, 01:33 PM

^^^ I totally agree with the "roommate time". Make sure she knows you are still friends. Invite her to coffee, make sure you still do fun things together, and buy her a very special "friendship" card.
Depending on how well she liked your chapter and she didn't get cut early by it, if there is COB, invite her to attend or hang out with some of your pledge class. I wouldn't overwhelm her with going out with a huge group, but maybe one or two of your favorite sisters.

SigKapAngel767 · #4 02-18-2008, 02:08 PM

If you think she'd be a great sister for the next recruitment, try and do what Benz suggested, a few sisters at a time!

She might feel some rejection right now. It seems as though you are a caring individual. With your support, your friend will be ok!

twinkle555 · #5 02-18-2008, 02:18 PM

This is always tough.some girls that go through informal recruitment (here at least) seem to think that its a "package deal" and that if they get a bid their roomie is going to get one too (sisters are guilty of thinking this way too!) sadly, that is not always the case. i recommend that you spend time with her just as you did before you joined your sorority. and if she is still up for being in one, encourage her to go through formal recruitment, or see if she would like to be involved on any other clubs/activities on campus

KSUViolet06 · #6 02-18-2008, 03:43 PM

I wouldn't invite her to do informal/COB right now.

Reason: If that doesn't work out, it could potentially make things more awkward. She might really feel rejected then, since it's your sorority and she could potentially think that you had more of a "say" in the membership selection process than you do.

Low C Sharp · #7 02-18-2008, 04:26 PM

I second what others have said...be her FRIEND. Don't change your friendship at all. Just as you would have before, include her when you and other friends are going out for pizza or whatever. She doesn't need words of wisdom. Just do what you would if she were crying over a breakup or an F or bad news from home. You can't fix those things or make her feel OK about them. You can only be a good friend who is there for her during all her ups and downs.

That being said, while you're entitled to all the joy and fun of your new group, I would refrain from rubbing your roommate's face in it. In other words, have a great time with your new sisters, but I think you should skip the giant sorority letters on your (shared) dorm room door. You don't need to hide your affiliation, but this is not the right time to cover your whole side of the room with XYZ gear.
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CurvyLadyLips

SWTXBelle · #8 02-18-2008, 04:39 PM

And while you may wish to wait to invite her to cob events, there's no reason not to include her with activities with your sisters. It would be great for her to be friends with your friends, whether they are sisters or not, and if she ends up being a sister, even better! My roomies ended up pledging Gamma Phi.