Depressed- Thoughts running through my brain

[AlphaSigLana]

I feel so depressed. I wish i were dead. I hate my life. I hate myself most of all. this past year at college Ibegan to binge eat , but I sought help, but it is starting again. Tonight I was craving something sweet so i went ot DQ. Well who was in front of me, but a girl from the hs i went to my freshman year. SHe was miss popular and she is even prettier now. She was there with her boyfriend. I felt like a loser for going to DQ by myself and fat so I decided to go to TCBy. Well a girl who is younger than me from the high school Iwent to works there. I'm sure she was thinking i was pathetic for going to get ice cream by myself especially when i am fat anyway. I am so ugly. I am plain too. I am not very smart or creative so i don't know why God created me when i have nothing going for me. I just needed to get this all out.

[DGPhoney]

oh no don't feel that way. Sometimes seeing people like that really gets your motor going, but in due time it will pass. Secondly , so what you got went to DQ or TCBY by yourself many many many people go there by themselves. Hell I go, so don't beat yourself up about it.
I am sure you are not as plain as you think you are. A lot of times we get depressed and we missed the good things about ourselves. We forget the simple things that make us happy or make us who we are. Look at the good things you do, the things that make you happy and smile.
Let it out, vent, it's good to vent , then all that stuff thats building up won't drive us crazy. I vent all the time, and when I am done I feel a lot better.
Lastly forget others, forget what they have to say or could say. It's all about you, stand tall and be proud of everything you do, no matter how simple. Also aybe seeing a professional might help as well. They are there to listen and to help too.
I hope everything goes better for you, and I wish you much happiness and joy.
DGPhoney~

[This message has been edited by DGPhoney (edited June 29, 2001).]

[CrimsonAngel2001]

Things will get better in time. But you must give life a chance. Every one has down times but you have to realize that this will pass. Trust me when I say the most popular girl or the prettiest girl may not be the most happiest girl. Try to find someone that you can talk to, because death is never the way out of a situation it just causes more pain and anguish for those left behind. Accentuate the positive try to find one thing a day that you can honestly say you like about yourself and you'll be surprised at all the great things you discover. Like DGPhoney said so what if you went to DQ or TCBY by yourself it just shows that you are independent enough to go out somewhere on your own without having someone there.
Trust me everything that God creates is a UNIQUE,BEAUTIFUL, treasure, nothing he created is plain and unintellegent. I wish you nothing but peace and blessings.

CrimsonAngel

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"We may not have been first to say the least, but it takes a rough draft to create a masterpiece"

Determined
Strong
Talented

#7 Pop-Up
Pi Lambda
Spring 2001

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by AlphaSigLana:
I feel so depressed. I wish i were dead. I hate my life. I hate myself most of all. this past year at college Ibegan to binge eat , but I sought help, but it is starting again. Tonight I was craving something sweet so i went ot DQ. Well who was in front of me, but a girl from the hs i went to my freshman year. SHe was miss popular and she is even prettier now. She was there with her boyfriend. I felt like a loser for going to DQ by myself and fat so I decided to go to TCBy. Well a girl who is younger than me from the high school Iwent to works there. I'm sure she was thinking i was pathetic for going to get ice cream by myself especially when i am fat anyway. I am so ugly. I am plain too. I am not very smart or creative so i don't know why God created me when i have nothing going for me. I just needed to get this all out.

God created you because He has a purpose for you. Remember, he knew you before the earth was formed. So know that, ok?

Secondly, so what if you're fat? So what if you're plain? So what if you aren't the smartest or most creative? YOU ARE YOU AND YOU ARE THE ONLY YOU THERE IS!!! YOU ARE UNIQUE!! And what's wrong with being plain? I say simple is more sophisticated. Do YOU really think that you are ugly? Is that really what YOU believe? Or is that what other people have said? Or are you basing what you look like on how you THINK you should look, based on OTHER PEOPLE'S B.S. (Belief System)? Tonight, I want you to go and look in the mirror (naked) and love what you see. Don't think about what other people see when they look at you. LOVE WHAT YOU SEE!! Now, if you see something that YOU don't like, take steps to change it, when YOU are ready to.

Stop basing your outlook on yourself on society's opinions. Look inside yourself and see what YOU like and dislike about you. To hell with what everyone else thinks, they don't pay the bills, and they don't lay down with you at night. Only you can be good to you. And only you can validate you.

Start saying WITH YOURSELF instead of BY YOURSELF. Start doing things WITH YOURSELF that you like to do. Get to know YOU better. You'll see that there's nothing wrong with doing things WITH yourself. In fact, you might get stingy with your time, and end up ENJOYING the time you spend WITH yourself.

Something else I do when I'm down. Take out a sheet of paper and list your blessings. I know it sounds corny and cliche, count your blessings, but believe me, your tears or sorrow will turn to tears of joy when you are finished. Count EVERYTHING that you could be without. Count your family, your friends, the roof over your head, the car you drive, if you don't have a car, count the feet you walk on (everyone wasn't blessed with them), count all of your blessings. I bet you'll find you have more to smile about than you do to frown about.

Email me if you need to. Prayer said.

[AlphaChiGirl]

AlphaSig,

I had a similar feeling for a while. I'm at home, in a town that I hate, with parents I don't really get along with, can't find a job (believe me, NO STONE has been unturned), no car, my boyfriend lives pretty far away, and I don't socialize with former friends from high school. I felt like a loser for going back to such a sh*t town, and not having anything to do here. I don't know what happened, but last week, after 6 weeks of feeling like I was WORTHLESS, that there was absolutely NOTHING for me in this world, things got better for me.

Even though you don't think they will, things will get better. It might take going to see someone with that sort of help, it might take talking with a friend about it. Hang in there, because things do get better. It may not seem like it now...but really, they do. Do the things that make you happy, if you want to go to DQ by yourself, go, and I promise things will be much better.

Hang in there!

[newbie]

Hey sweetie - I'm so very sorry that you're feeling so down right now . I know that words cannot heal the immense suffering that you are going thru right now - but all I can offer you is a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to (unfortunately, a virtual one). I know that you are going through SO much right now - being that you have just broken up with your bf, and that your friends are a number of ways far from you.

BUT, just b/c of those things happening to you (though they are pretty big things), you CANNOT just let your life waste away. Through emails, IMs, and your posts on GC, I have been able to tell that you are such a warm, smart, and caring individual. WHY give yourself away when you have soooo much potential going for you???

So what if you went to DQ or TCBY by yourself. Hell, a LOT of ppl go to wherever by THEMSELVES sometimes. I do, too, and I have never given it a second thought - b/c WHY SHOULD I???? I know that sounds selfish or whatever, BUT, YOU ARE YOU...first and foremost. WHATEVER you do is controlled by you. WHY should anyone care as to if you go to the ice cream shop by yourself or with somebody else? Girlie, I actually think the opposite way sometime - if somebody MUST go somewhere with their SO or their friends, there is something wrong with them - lack of independence!! If ppl give you second looks b/c you are by yourself - well, pardon the profanity - but fuck them! REally! Do they not have a life that they care that someone went to DQ by themselves? Walk into DQ, hold your head up high, b/c, as others have said, there is only ONE Lana (whatever your last name is, hehe) in the world - and that is you. There is only one Lana that I've gotten to know by emails, IMs, and posts, and she's soooo wonderful, so unique, so special. Beneath all your sadness, I can tell that you're a fun person, one that is SO loved by your ASA sisters.

About the popular/pretty business - I guarantte you - NO ONE is perfect. You may think she looks perfect on the outside, but you'd be surprised, really. We all have our ups and downs, and I can bet you that those girls you saw have gone through really bad downs, too. Unfortunately, it's a fact of life.

Also, have you ever noticed, that some of the most popular ppl are NOT the prettiest? Granted, everyone IS cute in their own way, but you definitely do not have to be model-looking to be popular. Look at how they hold their head up high. They know that they have flaws, but they have chosen to take their GOODS with their bads, and to walk into the room with confidence which shows that they know that they are worth it. I know, I know, what I'm saying is incredibly cheesy. But it's true.

When I'm having a bad day/week, whatever, I do what others have recommended you to do. I list EVERYTHING that I'm happy for - no matter how seemingly trivial it is. Hell, I even said at one point how happy I am that I have the Internet! Whatever it takes - just list them all out; you'll be surprised at how much you really have to be thankful for.

Ya know what? Two years ago (soon to be three), I was in a horrible hit-and-run. I had to wear a cast on my arm for a long time - and my back adn shoulder hurt like hell. I had to go to therapy four times a week for 2 months; and once a week afterward for a year. Even now, almost three years later, I still check in occasionally for shoulder/back/arm therapy. It was absolutely horrible - it tested the faith that I had in God. I asked Him, "Why me? Why me? Why did You have to do this to me at this age? What did I ever do to You to deserve this?" But I came out of it SO strong - so health-driven, and SO happy/grateful that I am now healthy - with 2 arms and a healthy body - think how lucky you are to have that!!!!!

About the eating disorder - sweetie, I REALLY recommend that you tell your dr. about it. PLEASE. Do it for yourself - before you get yourself so sick that it's toxic. I don't know if you know - but I had a friend who was anorexic (I wrote out a whole post about it in worriedsenior's post about eating disorders - look it up, it's pretty recent). It was the most horrible time, for both her, and my friensd and I. But, anyway, PLEASE tell your dr. and see a therapist. It's the best way to go, sweetie. And ya know what????? My friend thought she was WAY overweight - she was 5'2 and like 90 pounds (!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Funny...or sad, isn't? It's like she saw like 70 pounds extra in the mirror or something. Lots of times, women are not realistic of our weight, b/c we see so many super-skinny models who are wearing like a size zero.

Sweetie, I really don't know if this is helping out at all - but PLEASE, please, for your health - and your self-image, please take into consideration what I have said, and what these wise posters in front of me have said. Unfortunately, the only one who can fully tell you how special you are is YOURSELF - the sooner you believe the truth, the faster the confidence will come, and the sooner you'll feel wonderful, like you should feel .

And of course you know my email. I won't be on here much pretty soon - job and other duties - BUT, I will see to it that I will definitely answer your email ASAP, ok? Please keep your head up high for me, and SMILE - though you may feel the farthest from happy right now - smiling actually makes you feel better (it's been proven in scientific studies ).

P.S. REnt a funny movie - it's wonders how laughs can do you good.

P.P.S. Have you ever thought about going to church? Sorry - I don't want to push religion on ya, but it has REALLY helped me to deal with life's ups and MAJOR downs. I have gone through a lot in my life which has made me question God - but each time I come out stronger .


[This message has been edited by newbie (edited June 29, 2001).]

[AlphaSigLana]

I go church. I used to teach Sunday school. I'm not really that fat I guess- I'm 122, but when I look at myself i am disgusting. So I don't mind- you're not pushing religion on me. My pastor called me while I was in college to see how I was doing. I don't really feel like I have a purpose on this planet though. thanks for being kind to me!

[amycat412]

Lana,

It takes some of us longer than others to figure out what our purpose is. I'm 32 and I'm not sure I have mine all figured out yet. The journey is what matters, how you choose to live. Whether you recognize it or not, you have a lot going for you. You've affected the lives of Greek Chatters enough to elicit the heartfelt and passionate responses in this thread, you're lucky enough to be in college--not everyone can say that, to have a sorority to call your home and sisters to call upon in times of need--not everyone can say that, either.

Maybe try getting involved with some new activities to keep busy this summer. Do you like animals? Volunteer with local rescue groups--I do this as often as possible and a day spent washing and walking dogs, or working a dog adoption fair is sure to take my mind off my own life.

You'll be back at school and involved at ASA in a couple of months, and that will make a world of difference.

Take care of YOU, Lana. Only you can make yourself Happy, and you've got to make a conscious effort at doing that. Life is a beautiful journey, and sometimes it takes these moments of sadness for us to realize how happy we are.

And remember, no matter how you feel today, tomorrow is a whole new day--you may wake up feeling a bit better, and the next day even better--don't dwell on the thoughts you're having--I went thru a period of that myself last year--I kept a journal--which kept me grounded, got everything I was thinking out of me and onto paper and allowed me to really see how much was real and how much was in my head and allow myself to heal and be happy.

Think of how many people would be devastated by the loss of you. Who gives a sh*t what those silly girls from high school think? We all have people like that in our own lives. But I can guarantee that there are people that look at you and your capacity for kindness and thoughtfulness such as you've exhibited on GC--and feel that way about you.

One last thought--ALONE is good. Not until you learn how to be alone can you welcome someone into your life to share it. I used to hate doing things alone whne I was your age, now, I prefer it in a lot of cases!

And remember, your family, your friends, and the GC Community are here for you. Reach out, and those that care about you will respond and help.

Amy

[Chief]

Originally posted by AlphaSigLana:
I'm not really that fat I guess- I'm 122, but when I look at myself i am disgusting.

I'm a man, so I'll admit I don't know a whole lot about the "ideal body weight" for women, but 122 sure doesn't sound fat to me. Not by a long shot.