Is there anything good about men?

[James]

http://www.psy.fsu.edu/~baumeistertice/goodaboutmen.htm

You’re probably thinking that a talk called “Is there anything good about men” will be a short talk! Recent writings have not had much good to say about men. Titles like “Men Are Not Cost Effective” speak for themselves. Maureen Dowd’s book was called “Are Men Necessary?” and although she never gave an explicit answer, anyone reading the book knows her answer was no. Brizendine’s book “The Female Brain” introduces itself by saying, “Men, get ready to experience brain envy.” Imagine a book advertising itself by saying that women will soon be envying the superior male brain!

Nor are these isolated examples. Eagly’s research has compiled mountains of data on the stereotypes people have about men and women, which the researchers summarized as “The WAW effect.” WAW stands for “Women Are Wonderful.” Both men and women hold much more favorable views of women than of men. Almost everybody likes women better than men. I certainly do.

My purpose in this talk is not to try to balance this out by praising men, though along the way I will have various positive things to say about both genders. The question of whether there’s anything good about men is only my point of departure. The tentative title of the book I’m writing is “How culture exploits men,” but even that for me is the lead-in to grand questions about how culture shapes action. In that context, what’s good about men means what men are good for, from the perspective of the system.

Hence this is not about the “battle of the sexes,” and in fact I think one unfortunate legacy of feminism has been the idea that men and women are basically enemies. I shall suggest, instead, that most often men and women have been partners, supporting each other rather than exploiting or manipulating each other.

Nor is this about trying to argue that men should be regarded as victims. I detest the whole idea of competing to be victims. And I’m certainly not denying that culture has exploited women. But rather than seeing culture as patriarchy, which is to say a conspiracy by men to exploit women, I think it’s more accurate to understand culture (e.g., a country, a religion) as an abstract system that competes against rival systems — and that uses both men and women, often in different ways, to advance its cause.

Also I think it’s best to avoid value judgments as much as possible. They have made discussion of gender politics very difficult and sensitive, thereby warping the play of ideas. I have no conclusions to present about what’s good or bad or how the world should change. In fact my own theory is built around tradeoffs, so that whenever there is something good it is tied to something else that is bad, and they balance out.

I don’t want to be on anybody’s side. Gender warriors please go home.

[33girl]

There was a great article in Glamour a couple years ago about how man bashing was out of hand and it was actually giving men license to be bigger jerks - basically telling women to stop it. I wish I could find it online.

[RU OX Alum]

interesting, is this something you're working on?

[Glitter650]

I agree that "man bashing" is a bit out of hand at some points, and some women manipulate men and treat their men like punching bag and that men have been taught to just smile and say "yes dear" and this is DEFINTELY not a good thing, and something that I try to avoid in my relationship, however men have their own advantages in life as well. I think as she says, it balances out in the end.

[AlphaFrog]

I do believe that people give you what you expect of them (or less). If you expect them to be lazy, blathering, forgetful, insenstive, sexist idiots, and even worse, put up with them like that, then that's what they're going to continue to give...

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by Glitter650

I agree that "man bashing" is a bit out of hand at some points, and some women manipulate men and treat their men like punching bag and that men have been taught to just smile and say "yes dear" and this is DEFINTELY not a good thing, and something that I try to avoid in my relationship, however men have their own advantages in life as well. I think as she says, it balances out in the end.

This line of thought is actually a pretty good example of what the author is trying to address - "evening out" is kind of a way of saying "you win there, I'll win here," which is explicitly a competition element, and (the author posits) this aids in the attempts to marginalize one sex in other areas.

[justabeachbrat]

I try to avoid gender bashers, of men or women. I stopped going with a stop for a drink after work circle of women because man bashing was their main topic. From having two brothers, I've heard my share of women bashing from a few of their friends. When I'm around now, they've ceased this line of conversation.
Two of my nearly lifelong friends are guys, and value their friendship.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I do believe that people give you what you expect of them (or less). If you expect them to be lazy, blathering, forgetful, insenstive, sexist idiots, and even worse, put up with them like that, then that's what they're going to continue to give...

^^^I agree?




I think I had to release past pain I allowed myself to suffer before I permitted myself to move forward in my current marital relationship with my husband.

I find generally from a scientific viewpoint that a lot of men still have large egos that are fragile; whereas, women are not as secure at she would like to be. But I also think we are living in uncertain times. At best, for those of us that are heterosexual, we have to strengthen and shore up those parts our partner lacks and have it reciprocated. This is just my opinion.

[RU OX Alum]

i'm glad your marital relationship is with your husband, instead of just some random guy

[Glitter650]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

This line of thought is actually a pretty good example of what the author is trying to address - "evening out" is kind of a way of saying "you win there, I'll win here," which is explicitly a competition element, and (the author posits) this aids in the attempts to marginalize one sex in other areas.

This is true.. however... I think that until we can come up with a way for both sexes not to feel marginalized in some aspect, each will continue to want to make up for those perceived "marginalizations" by looking at the marzinalizations of the other sex to make themselves feel better. Did that make any sense ?

[Blacksocialite]

I am a firm believer in casting positive energy out to receive positive things back into your life.

There are lots of good men out here but unfortunately, the knuckleheads have their "tom-foolery" down to such a science, that they end up damaging scores of women before the good men have an opportunity to find them.

Each experience should be viewed as a lesson and a blessing. Work hard to not become bitter and hostile because of a few clowns. Find a prayer circle of POSTIVE women to help and encourage you along the way.

Also, be willing to ask yourself some really hard questions regarding your emotional prepareness to receive a good man into your life.

A lot of times, we as women, believe that we are ready for good men by chances are:

1) We still harbor feelings for a past love
2) Many of us are addicted to drama and chaos unknowingly
3) Many of us think that good men are boring

Stay encouraged and know that the good men are out there. They just may not come in the packaging you "pre-ordered."