Housemothers

[honeychile]

Love them, hate them - they're part of many Greeks' lives. As someone dear to me is about to embark in a career as a housemother, what suggestions do those who have experienced having a housemother have?

Are you looking for someone sympathetic who you can talk to? Someone who minds her own business but has a wonderful dinner ready for you? Someone who stays drunk 24/7 so you can do your own thing? (Don't laugh - I know of one!)

Please, (somewhat) serious suggestions and/or ideas only!

[SigKapCoug]

I think it's important for a housemom to know theres a line between taking care of the girls and knowing they are college women who do whatever they want.

My chapters "house director" is really wonderful. It's the little things she does - like having cookies or chocolate fondue as a late night snack during finals week.

.. or how she changed the light bulbs (which i'm supposed to do because i'm house manager) because shes like, 6' and I'm like 5'.

[susan314]

Not only did I have a housemother for 2 years...I was a housemother for a year. (Free room and board plus spending money for a year of grad school is tough to beat!)

Someone who stays drunk 24/7 so you can do your own thing? (Don't laugh - I know of one!)

Our housemother when I lived in could possibly fit that description. She made buddies with a few of the other housemothers on campus, and they used to do regular happy hours. But, I didn't have too many complaints about her - she was a fun person and let us do our own thing for the most part. Was there for all the required events (house tours during recruitment, etc.), but otherwise didn't get in our business too much. As long as we weren't blatantly violating the rules, of course.

I think that when I was housemother, I erred a little by being too friendly with the girls. If I had it to do all over again, I would have kept a little more distance. Sure, I really liked them and enjoyed their company, but it made it more difficult to be objective when I needed to be.

[aephi alum]

I never had the experience of living in a sorority house. But in the dorms, we had Graduate Resident Tutors who fulfilled a similar purpose. A GRT (a.k.a. floor/hall/entry tutor) lived in an apartment in the vicinity of the undergrads s/he was responsible for. The GRT could live with a spouse if s/he had one. Rent was free and the GRT got a stipend. The GRT was also responsible for enforcing the rules (e.g. no smoking).

The GRT my freshman year was a single guy who apparently used to be very cool, a good guy to chat with, etc. - except that during my freshman year, he was buried in thesis work and hence totally unavailable. (I had the roommates from hell, and I had to go to the housemaster to get the issue resolved because the floor tutor had vanished.) Consensus among the undergrads on my floor was that he should have resigned that year, but who gives up free rent in the Boston area?

Since he was graduating, we had to look for a new floor tutor. This was a mutual selection process - potential GRTs would apply, and approved people would be sent to various floors/halls/entries to interview with the current residents.

We connected with an AWESOME young woman who moved in the following fall with her new husband. One or the other of them was always around, and she spent her stipend on social activities for the floor, like she was supposed to. Their door was always open, and you could drop in and do anything from sob over a breakup to cheer about a good grade or other accomplishment.

In the hypothetical world where I live in a sorority house, that's what I'd want in a housemother - someone whose door is always open, and you can drop in or not as you choose.

[Leslie Anne]

Well, I can give you a perspective from a House Corporation point of view (where we heard from both the collegians and the Housemother) as well as having our own perspective.

A Housemother needs to keep a balance between knowing the girls well enough to be accessible to them yet not getting so chummy with them that they no longer see her as an authority figure. Though she isn't there to be a policeman, she has to be able to make sure that house rules are followed. One of the biggest complaints my House Corp got from the collegians is that the Housemother didn't remind the girls of these rules tactfully when the girls had guests, often causing embarrassment.

For the most part, the collegians wanted someone sweet and "grandmotherly" or at least parental who was warm and easy to talk to. Our House Corp worked with a woman who was wonderful once you got to know her yet outwardly seemed kind of chilly. Some complaints were that she didn't bake cookies for the chapter once in a while like the other housemothers did. She also didn't welcome guests to the house. This seemed particularly important when the collegians were entertaining PNMs during informal recruitment. (it became a real sore spot)

Since House Directors often work with a cooking staff, she should learn to be attentive to the needs of the collegians. Some complaints were that there weren't enough options for vegetarians, too much fried food, and late plates weren't always offered (and when they were they weren't refridgerated but left out to collect bacteria). You might think that all of this should be directed to the kitchen staff but invariably the Housemother takes the brunt of it and, in the end, she really should be looking after these things as her managerial duties.

That's mostly what we got back from the collegians and I'm sure you'll get plenty of suggestions from collegians in this thread.

If I might though, I'd like to offer some tips from the House Corp perspective.

Your friend should be pro-active when attending housing meetings yet beware not to step on the toes of the alumnae. (yet another balancing act) Make sure that there are clear lines of communication. It's great if there is a collegian appointed to act as liason. If there isn't one in place it might be gently suggested.

-Ask for a copy of the composite to assist in remembering names.

-Be prepared to be called on to fix minor items. Request a basic toolbox if there isn't one already available.

-Actively seek out and try to become friendly with the other House Directors. Unless your friend is attending graduate school while employed, the other Housemothers can often become the only connection to the adult world. These friendships will also prove invaluable when looking for new vendors (comparing costs and efficiency) and staff. It will also make it easier when disputes come up, avoiding such silly behavior as pushing trash bins back and forth over disputed property lines.

-Make sure that her duties are very explicitly detailed in her contract.

-Ask for feedback! This is so important. House Corp would hear things from various collegians but it wasn't until we asked specific questions in a yearly survey that we really saw the big picture and were able to address recurring problems.

-Do what the House Corporation asks, but don't allow bullying either. Sometimes it happens that a House Corporation (not mine of course) might ask the Housemother to do things that she might feel cross an ethical/moral line. Don't compromise integrity just for the job. It's not worth it.


Phew! I didn't mean to write a book there.

Oh, but the Housemother I had as a collegian actually did write a book!

House Management: A Guide for Greek Chapter Houses (Paperback)
by Phyllis W. Parrish (Available through Amazon.com.)

Best of luck to your friend!

*Edited to add: I just remembered something else that bothered the collegians. Keep the door to the office/suite open as much as possible. You'd be amazed what adding a simple, friendly sign to the front of the door can do. Buying or making a sign that reads something like "Welcome! Come right in!" makes it easier for the collegians. If privacy is needed for a time during the day, post another sign letting the collegians know what's going on. Finding a closed door and not knowing if the Housemother was there, busy, or whatever really frustrated the collegians numerous times. It may sound silly and trivial, but it can make a big difference.

[bejazd]

The perfect housemom might be a 67 year old biker chick with a Harley...who has raised at least three kids...has worked in the restaurant and/or hotel industry...has remodeled a house, is slightly deaf, loves to clean, plunge toilets, fix things that get stuck, and is a stickler for turning off lights and locking doors!

Give your friend a copy of Generation Me by Jean Twenge, PhD. She got great insight into how young people think and why they behave the way they do!

and good luck to her! I hope she enjoys her new career. Being a house mom can be such a great way for a senior to earn a living and enjoy being around college students in a beautiful and safe home!

[JonInKC]

Just remembered when I was a pledge we had to go to each sorority house and get five signatures. The housemother at one house was like who are you guys? What do you want? I don't remember if she let us in or not. I want to say not. And that's the main thing I remember at that house - that their housemother was an evil old woman.

[SoCalGirl]

We never had a house but I remember talking to an alum from an out of state school about their house mom. The chapter and the house mom didn't really get along. The house mom constantly complained that the girls didn't stand for her when she entered a room. The girls felt that is an honor reserved for alumnae but the house mom felt it was a sign of disrespect. After talking with the alum I felt the house mom was petty but that the girls truly didn't respect her.

[WVU alpha phi]

Our house mother was pretty hands-off. She kept on top of basic house maintenance and was the person who would call companies promptly for whatever problem that needed to be fixed. She also frequently ate with us during formal dinners twice a week and did little things like late night snacks during finals week. She basically just enforced the rules (especially the no guys in bedrooms, guys out of the house by 2 AM rules) and made sure we didn't do anything too wild. One thing I did really like about her was that we jokingly asked her one night to pick us up from the bar (which is easily within walking distance) if it was raining or we were too drunk and didn't feel like walking. She readily agreed, and we never took her up on it, but I really do think she would've done that for us even though it would mean going out at 3 AM to get us.

[Kevin]

We never had a house mother. House isn't big enough really to justify one. Maybe that'll change someday -- I really hope it does someday.

My father's fraternity had a house mom. A lady named "Bubbles" (I guess this was a name old ladies actually would go by in the mid 60's?)

Back then, pledges got to eat with the house mother. Every meal was an intense course in etiquette. Bubbles would hastily point out any imperfect manners such as not holding your hand in front of the lemon when it's being squeezed, improper placement of utensils, etc. Retribution from Bubbles would probably earn you retribution from the actives.

At any rate, Bubbles' lessons still haunt me to this day. Whenever dining with my dad, it's "Bubbles did this or that."

But of course, now, my table manners are impeccable. Eating where I usually eat with the people I usually eat with, I probably look like I have OCD or something

Thanks Bubbles.

[AlexMack]

One of my closest friends was the house director for another sorority on campus and those women loved her. She would do the usual duties of a house director but she'd also go out of her way and make them little gift baskets for the holidays, finals, stuff like that. She'd also look the other way about certain things as well.
My friend should have been a sorority girl and I'm still hoping that she'll be AIed into that organization because she deserves it
I guess it's a balance between being a friend and being a parent, knowing when to look the other way and when not to.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by WVU alpha phi

Our house mother was pretty hands-off. She kept on top of basic house maintenance and was the person who would call companies promptly for whatever problem that needed to be fixed. She also frequently ate with us during formal dinners twice a week and did little things like late night snacks during finals week. She basically just enforced the rules (especially the no guys in bedrooms, guys out of the house by 2 AM rules) and made sure we didn't do anything too wild. One thing I did really like about her was that we jokingly asked her one night to pick us up from the bar (which is easily within walking distance) if it was raining or we were too drunk and didn't feel like walking. She readily agreed, and we never took her up on it, but I really do think she would've done that for us even though it would mean going out at 3 AM to get us.

Did you think she was great because of this, or a pushover?

Originally Posted by Kevin

My father's fraternity had a house mom. A lady named "Bubbles" (I guess this was a name old ladies actually would go by in the mid 60's?)

Back then, pledges got to eat with the house mother. Every meal was an intense course in etiquette. Bubbles would hastily point out any imperfect manners such as not holding your hand in front of the lemon when it's being squeezed, improper placement of utensils, etc. Retribution from Bubbles would probably earn you retribution from the actives.

At any rate, Bubbles' lessons still haunt me to this day. Whenever dining with my dad, it's "Bubbles did this or that."

But of course, now, my table manners are impeccable. Eating where I usually eat with the people I usually eat with, I probably look like I have OCD or something

Thanks Bubbles.

Now, this is what I expected to hear. Our housemother retired many years prior to my pledging, but I heard stories about her teaching table manners and other notions of "polite society"!

[AOIIalum]

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

*Edited to add: I just remembered something else that bothered the collegians. Keep the door to the office/suite open as much as possible. You'd be amazed what adding a simple, friendly sign to the front of the door can do. Buying or making a sign that reads something like "Welcome! Come right in!" makes it easier for the collegians. If privacy is needed for a time during the day, post another sign letting the collegians know what's going on. Finding a closed door and not knowing if the Housemother was there, busy, or whatever really frustrated the collegians numerous times. It may sound silly and trivial, but it can make a big difference.

I agree with everything Leslie Anne posted, but especially this part! I never had a House Director/House Mom in school, but have hired three of them previously. Even if the chapter members never come in to chat, it's important that they feel welcome to do so if they wish. If the HD's door is always closed, or if it's open and rooms are dark, it simply doesn't create a welcoming atmosphere. Along those lines, and I hate to even have to say this, the HD should understand that she is responsible for keeping her living area neat and clean even if you have house staff doing the heavy cleaning in her living area.

The chapter's Property Manager/House Officer and Chapter President should know how to reach the HD in case of emergency (AND know what actually constitutes an emergency! Failure of major physical plant system = emergency. Kitchen staff doesn't show up = emergency. Lightbulb burned out = no emergency. Cable goes out = frustrating inconvenience but no emergency.) The HD should also know who the House Officer and Chapter President is and have their phone numbers, class/work schedules, email addresses, etc. in case she must reach them in an true emergency situation. She also should know who her direct contact is with the Corporation, instead of calling multiple people for various reasons.

Other than that, from a contract perspective she should be sure that her vacation and personal time is clearly outlined in her contract (number of days, any "blackout" dates, specific policy on requesting time off). She should have a private residence including bathroom, local phone and cable/internet access; her own designated parking place, information on any required meetings and reporting, and training provided by the local Corp (so there are no questions down the road about the scope of her duties). If the sorority publishes a House Director Manual she should receive a copy of it upon hire.

[WVU alpha phi]

Originally Posted by honeychile

Did you think she was great because of this, or a pushover?

Truthfully, I appreciated it. I looked at it as her considering our safety above anything else. And this woman was definitely no pushover: get caught breaking a pretty significant house rule (like no guys sleeping over) and there were definite repercussions within days.

[DMCBlondie]

I feel like me and "Leslie Anne" had the same housemom! Everything she said is exactly what I would say.

The thing that bothered me the most about Mom (we're getting a new one this year) was her lack of tact in some situations. She would yell/tell us we were breaking the rules right in front of guests which was pretty embarressing.