Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn—by Dave Barry

[NinjaPoodle]

Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn—by Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn—by Dave Barry

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

I'm guilty of this!! I was really good friends with this woman in grad school. All during grad school she was very skinny. I'm talking about a good size 8/10. After a few years I ran into her and excitedly exclaimed 'Oh, you're pregnant!' She gave me this mean look and said, 'No, I've just gained weight'. She went up to a good size 18. I was like, 'Umm, oh, sorry, so how are you doing?' After that, unless the woman actually says she is pregnant I am not going to assume.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn—by Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

LOL i wonder why this is listed first! Funny story, in 8th grade, these boys in my class found a stray dog and put a sleeping pill and a laxative in some food (definitely not dog food) and this poor dog was howling all day. you could hear it from the classroom windows. it was a mess, the dog was crapping all over the pavement looking sad.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

i know that's right! and it only took me 22 years.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

oh yes! that's why i jus get out there and put it down the best way i know how! cause there is always some fool out there who thinks they know what they doing and they dont give a darn.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

word! or why New Mexico is the only state that DOESNT observe it (or is it Arizona?)

[BlueReign]

Originally Posted by tld221

LOL i wonder why this is listed first! Funny story, in 8th grade, these boys in my class found a stray dog and put a sleeping pill and a laxative in some food (definitely not dog food) and this poor dog was howling all day. you could hear it from the classroom windows. it was a mess, the dog was crapping all over the pavement looking sad.

That's not funny! Poor dog.


I like #7 "Never lick a steak knife". That's funny!

[Infamous12]

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

As a child, I remember asking my parents allllll the time why we had to 'Spring Forward' and 'Fall back' and my father told me some mess about Ancient Rome and Julius Caesar......

[firecracker08]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

How true! how true!

[NinjaPoodle]

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
Enough Said.

[SeriousSigma22]

Thought provoking!

Serioussigma22