Jokes and Such

[Hootie]

Life's A Test...Curved
At age 4, success is ... not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is ... having friends.
At age 16, success is ... having a driver's license.
At age 20, success is ... having sex.
At age 35, success is ... having money.
At age 50, success is ... having money.
At age 60, success is ... having sex.
At age 70, success is ... having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is ... having friends.
At age 80, success is ... not peeing in your pants.

[This message has been edited by Hootie (edited April 08, 2001).]

[newbie]

Hootie, those are great!!!

[Hootie]

I know a girl...Who is amazing. She runs a few miles a day, aces her classes,organizes social events, and participates in all sorts of campus organizations. At night she may go out and have fun, but she always manages to get everything done.

I know a girl... Who will let you cry on her shoulder and will be there for you in times of need. She has lots of friends and makes sure she leaves enough time to hang with them all. She will give good advice and listen to your every word and thought with an
unbiased ear. She will love you for who you are and accept you no matter what.

I know a girl...Who will smile even though she didn't have the greatest day. She always brings her most positive attitude and it's
contagious. Those who are around her want to smile too.

I know a girl...Who will bring out the
best in everyone she meets. She has friends in many different chapters on this campus as well as friends that are not Greek because she doesn't care what house you're in. Who
parties it up at fraternity parties, but
goes many other places at night.

You might know this girl too...
Whether you're in a house or not, everyone knows one of these girls.
She is my sister. She might be your sister, or she might be someone else's.
Those that know this girl know what sororities are all about because she
represents them in almost everything she
does.

Sororities aren't about drinking and boys and Kate Spade and Prada.
Sororities are about laughter, tears,
friendship, sisterhood, honor, loyalty and love. The people in my sorority want me to succeed. They help me learn to rise up and allow others to follow. At retreats we share
in times that we will remember forever. But
it's not just my sorority. Homecoming, Socials, Parents weekend, and other Greek activities have given me the opportunity to find out what is unique about each sorority,
and I really find wonderful friends among them all. We need to let other people know who we are.

Greeks are not exclusive-- they are merely one group of many.
We are athletes, we are scholars, we come from diverse backgrounds, and we have diverse goals. We are all in the constant pursuit of success.
We are all working to achieve our goals, and we are all making friendships thatlast a lifetime.

So remember...
62% of campus leadership positions are
held by Greeks
76% of campus honoraries are Greek
89% of US supreme court justices have
been Greek
Of the country's 50 largest companies,
43 are headed by Greek alumni
So be proud, prove people wrong....
Remember that although my sorority may have different history and ideals than yours, that we all are here for common reasons.



------------------
What do you get when you cross and Alpha Omicron Pi and a Sigma Phi Epsilon? A beautiful Chi Omega!!!

[Heather]

Hey ladies! Here is a poem I wrote for my little sister a few days before her initiation. I'm NOT claiming to be a great poet, but it meant a lot to me reading back over it now that I am graduating in a few weeks. (She read it to her little sister this year!) I just wanted to share it with you.
-----------------
“When are you a Chi Omega?”

“When you are having the best day of your life and when nothing has gone right.
When it’s been months since you’ve heard from your sisters and when they are close enough to hold you tight.

When you ace a test and when your class has an impossible project.
When you get a new car and when you go so fast you get a speeding ticket.

When you fall in love and when your heart’s broken.
When the man of your dreams asks you to be his wife and when a child calls you “mom” or “grandma” even.

On your first day at a new job and when you retire from your last one.
When you make a new friend and when you lose your oldest one.

When you sing during rush, when you’re excited at initiation,
When you dance at step show, And when you cry at graduation.

I could go on but I think you can see,
that you are ALWAYS a Chi Omega, today and for eternity."

To Jenny Denver
From Heather Clark January 12, 2000

[Hootie]

Heather that is the sweetest poem ever. I absolutely LOVE it. I mean you said everything down to a 't'. Perfect.
Hootie

[cutehootie]

I just love it, Heather!

[This message has been edited by cutehootie (edited April 20, 2001).]

[MaryMayXO]

Hey Heather!! Loved the poem...I just sent it all to the graduating seniors...this Sunday is MY LAST chapter meeting!!!

[MaryMayXO]

One of my sisters emailed this to me and I wanted to share!

SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN
> Somewhere between the procrastination
> And the homework
> And the incessant forwards
> And the new friendships
> And the nasty dorm food
> And the calls home complaining about roommates & girlfriends...
>Somewhere
> between the phone calls to old friends
> And the "I miss you's"
> And the "I love you's"
> And the "I can't wait to see you again's"...
> And somewhere between all of the changing & growing...
> And somewhere between the classes
> And the skipping classes
> And the studying for tests
> And the pretending to study for tests
> And the downright not studying for tests...
> I forgot.
> I forgot what it was like to be in high school.
> I forgot what it meant to cry.
> I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy
> And that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart.
> I forgot that you can't just forget the past.
> I forgot that you can't control falling in love.
> And that you can't make yourself fall in love.
> I learned that I can love.
> I learned that good food doesn't really seem great until you can't have
>it
> anymore.
> And I learned that even I would grow to love soup & macaroni & cheese.
> I noticed that I get along better with my parents now than I ever did
>before
> And that wasn't because they changed, but because I changed.
> I learned that going to college means making choices
> And that making choices can get you into trouble.
> I learned that it's okay to mess up
> And it's okay to ask for help
> And it's okay to feel like crap.
> I learned that sometimes the things you want most you just can't have.
> I learned that the greatest thing about college isn't the parties
> Or the drinking
> Or the hook-ups...
> It's the chances.
> Taking the chances And then making the most of them.
> I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things
>which we
> most need to talk about.
> I learned that once you get to college, Things don't automatically get
> better... It's what you make of them.
> I learned that letters from friends are the most important thing
> And that sending cards to your friends makes you feel better.
> But, basically, I just learned that my friends,
> Both old and new,
> are the most important people to me in the world
> And without them, I wouldn't be who I am today.
> So this is a thank you to all of my friends
> For always being there
> And I love you.


I guess I am in just a sappy mood, with graduation just around the corner...and my last Chapter on Sunday. AHH!!

[cutehootie]

Nice message, Amy. The only problem I find is keeping the balance between losing the desperation and not giving a "hoot" if I find a guy our not, even with the femininity.

[This message has been edited by cutehootie (edited April 21, 2001).]

[Hootie]

Originally posted by cutehootie:
Nice message, Amy. The only problem I find is keeping the balance between losing the desperation and not giving a "hoot" if I find a guy our not, even with the femininity.

[This message has been edited by cutehootie (edited April 21, 2001).]

RIGHT ON SISTER.

[Heather]

Thanks! I'm so glad you all liked my poem!

[Hootie]

Dump-A-Man Form

Dear_____________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention
as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware the competition was exceedingly
tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed
to make the cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening
come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic
endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were
disqualified from the competition:
(Check all that apply)
1.___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

2.___ Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can
picture myself yelling out if a fit of passion.

3.___ The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a
little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

4.___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload"
indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my
personality.

5.___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about
yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

6.___ Your constant emailing, shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!

7.___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then
you can't GET into my pants.

8.___ You're too short. Any son that we produce would inevitably be beaten
up repeatedly at recess.

9.___ You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying
to kiss you.

10.___ You have a hairy back.

11.___ I find you inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

12.___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent
slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

13.___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.

14.___ You still live with your parents.

15.___ Although I do enjoy X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek
uniforms a little disconcerting.

16.___ Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend leads me to suspect
that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

17.___ Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking
in a long term partner.

18.___ Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should,
however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit
your application.

19.___ Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were
really necessary for a successful business trip.

20.___ I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely, ________________________


[This message has been edited by Hootie (edited May 11, 2001).]

[Hootie]

In case you haven't read my new, lovely signature on GreekChat...I'm really digging Jack Handy.
The man is absolutely RANDOM and so funny.
So here are a few of my favorites for you to enjoy and shed a tear of joy to.
----------------------------------
-Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

-I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

-You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

-Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

[RedHotChiO]

I wanted to add a song that one of my pledge sisters wrote during new member education. Everytime I think of it I start to laugh out loud. It's on "High Standards of Personnel" and it is sung to the tune of "Do your ears hang low?"

Are standards low; do they wobble to and fro
If they are then they're not for fraternity Chi O
Cause are standards are high, yeah way up in the sky;
We're Chi O.

There's no drinking in the house, no not even for a mouse,
No not even for a hen, no not even for GM;
If you're going to drink, oh heck,
Have no letters on your neck;
We're Chi O.

Our symphony it says, do not be a snob or mean;
Written by Miss Howard, yeah, she was really keen,
The standards they remain, since 1909 they were first sang;
We're Chi O.

Do you want to take a trip; do you want to travel far;
Do you want to take a jet; do you want to take a car;
Well that's fine and will jive; just stay in mile 65
We're Chi O.

Do you want to be hazed, only if you're pretty crazed;
If you want to be whipped, in Chi O you'll be jipped;
Cause we're not about hazing; we're all too amazing;
We're Chi O.

[This message has been edited by RedHotChiO (edited August 19, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by RedHotChiO (edited August 20, 2001).]

[Hootie]

That is so cute. I love it.
Hootie