Ok to adopt a little sister?

dzturtlelambsig · #1 02-16-2006, 08:21 PM

Hey all! I just wanted to pose this question for all of the greek family out there..........

I graduated and moved about 300 miles away from my chapter for my job. I'm still in the same state and really only about 2.5 hours away. Well it's about a year later and someone who is supposed to be my BEST friend is in the process of adopting the one "little sister" that I had left to carry on my family tree. Am I right to be hurt about this? I tried to move back to the area of my university/chapter, but I couldn't find a job. I had some extinuating circumstances that disallowed me to get back to my chapter for big sis reveal and initiation. I don't know if other sororities do this. I don't think I'm a terrible big sister........ I just want to get input from people who are not in my chapter. Unfortunately, sisters are taking sides.... and I don't want that.

This situation is ruining my friendship, my family tree, and alienating me from the chapter that I LOVE! Is this right?

Thanks!

flirt5721 · #2 02-16-2006, 08:25 PM

I think that it does suck and you should be hurt. Right now there are only two people left in my family and I would not want to go somewhere else. I love our traditions. Talk to your little see what she says.

dzturtlelambsig · #3 02-16-2006, 08:28 PM

Unfortuately my little sister won't talk to me. Apparently this was her idea and my "best sister" just went along with it.....

AchtungBaby80 · #4 02-16-2006, 08:30 PM

In my chapter, I'm pretty sure you could adopt someone else's little only when the big sis disaffiliated...it didn't happen often at all. That sucks.

sageofages · #5 02-16-2006, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dzturtlelambsig
Hey all! I just wanted to pose this question for all of the greek family out there..........

I graduated and moved about 300 miles away from my chapter for my job. I'm still in the same state and really only about 2.5 hours away. Well it's about a year later and someone who is supposed to be my BEST friend is in the process of adopting the one "little sister" that I had left to carry on my family tree. Am I right to be hurt about this? I tried to move back to the area of my university/chapter, but I couldn't find a job. I had some extinuating circumstances that disallowed me to get back to my chapter for big sis reveal and initiation. I don't know if other sororities do this. I don't think I'm a terrible big sister........ I just want to get input from people who are not in my chapter. Unfortunately, sisters are taking sides.... and I don't want that.

This situation is ruining my friendship, my family tree, and alienating me from the chapter that I LOVE! Is this right?

Thanks!

Ok...You most probably will not like my response...

You are graduated. You have not an active collegiate member anymore...you are an alumna member. You can still have a relationship with your Little but remember the nature of the relationship's daily activities will change. You are an alumna now. If you little is still an active collegiate chapter member, her focus is chapter based. Your focus should be outward looking toward your alumna chapter.

Thank about it that way.

#6 02-16-2006, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sageofages
Ok...You most probably will not like my response...

You are graduated. You have not an active collegiate member anymore...you are an alumna member. You can still have a relationship with your Little but remember the nature of the relationship's daily activities will change. You are an alumna now. If you little is still an active collegiate chapter member, her focus is chapter based. Your focus should be outward looking toward your alumna chapter.

Thank about it that way.

I totally agree.

I'd stop thinking about "she's the only one who can carry on my family tree" and focus more on "if I can't be there for her, at least I know she's got someone looking out for her."

AGDLynn · #7 02-16-2006, 08:41 PM

I agree with sages.

Remember you are "big" and "little", most importantly, you are sisters with the entire sorority.

Remember life goes on in the Chapter after someone leaves for whatever reason.

I think the more you make a big deal of it, the more feelings that are going to be hurt.

dzturtlelambsig · #8 02-16-2006, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OTW
I totally agree.

I'd stop thinking about "she's the only one who can carry on my family tree" and focus more on "if I can't be there for her, at least I know she's got someone looking out for her."

I don't think in my mind that one has to adopt someone to "look out for them". She said that she would do that anyway when I graduated. Just to clarify, I'm totally focused on being an alumna and being involved that way, but I still care about what goes on in my chapter because I still have friends there and I care how my chapter is doing....... call me biased.

dzturtlelambsig · #9 02-16-2006, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDLynn
I agree with sages.

Remember you are "big" and "little", most importantly, you are sisters with the entire sorority.

Remember life goes on in the Chapter after someone leaves for whatever reason.

I think the more you make a big deal of it, the more feelings that are going to be hurt.

Unfortunately I think that my feelings are the only ones that are hurt...... they seem to be just fine. I just feel like I was stabbed in the back b/c in my chapter, the "outgoing" big sister is informed of the situation....... and I was totally blindsided b/c they did it behind my back.

#10 02-16-2006, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dzturtlelambsig
I don't think in my mind that one has to adopt someone to "look out for them". She said that she would do that anyway when I graduated. Just to clarify, I'm totally focused on being an alumna and being involved that way, but I still care about what goes on in my chapter because I still have friends there and I care how my chapter is doing....... call me biased.

If you really care about your little and those left in your collegiate chapter, I'd honestly let it go instead of causing more hurt for yourself and to those involved.

And don't assume that you're the only one being totally affected by this.

This whole situation just seems so "high school". Seriously, be the better person and let it go and MOVE ON.

KSUViolet06 · #11 02-16-2006, 09:08 PM

In my chapter adoptions only occur when the big sis has terminated her membership in the sorority.

At any rate, you're an alumna now. Part of being an alumna is removing yourself from chapter drama such as this. The best thing for you to do is chalk it up and move on. Life in the chapter continues after you are no longer a collegian.

Your involvement in your chapter at this point should be to help them grow and thrive and help them with whatever they need. You are first and foremost a sister to your chapter. All other conections (i.e. big/little)are secondary.

honeychile · #12 02-16-2006, 09:49 PM

...and people wonder why we don't allow big & little sisters anymore!

Seriously, if this is the biggest problem in your life, you're already doing quite well. I think you've been given very good advice by sageofages and the rest.

Just like with a regular adoption, it doesn't change who you are in the relationship, it ADDS to it! I had three little sisters (when we still had them); one was depledged, and the other two transferred schools. Another "family" chose to adopt me, for which I was very greatful while I was in school. I am no more or no less close to either group of sisters - which is how it is supposed to be.

Senusret I · #13 02-16-2006, 10:08 PM

I used to think the way my APO chapter did bigs and littles was so similar to how everyone else did it....

We would NEVER adopt another big! Even if your own big "phantomed" (went inactive) you were still a member of your tree and your littles would still be part of the tree.

I love my tree....we are descended from Bill Clinton's pledge class mate, Ambassador Christopher Ashby.

I am not judging anyone else's traditions.....just assumed up until now that trees and lineage were locked in stone as they are for us.

Senusret I · #14 02-16-2006, 10:10 PM

And for the record, to the original poster, I definitely feel your pain and your situation sucks. If my little affiliated with another tree, I would be pretty darn hurt.

OPhiARen3 · #15 02-16-2006, 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Senusret I
I used to think the way my APO chapter did bigs and littles was so similar to how everyone else did it....

We would NEVER adopt another big! Even if your own big "phantomed" (went inactive) you were still a member of your tree and your littles would still be part of the tree.

I love my tree....we are descended from Bill Clinton's pledge class mate, Ambassador Christopher Ashby.

I am not judging anyone else's traditions.....just assumed up until now that trees and lineage were locked in stone as they are for us.

That's really cool ...

For OPhiA, every chapter is different. Nu Chapter has families, but they aren't very strict. My own lineage is so messed up ... the family I am in now was just recently restarted, so I'm one of the "re-founders". My big sis is in my old family, and she had an adopted big sis from yet another family ...