Being the "other woman" (or man)

sugar and spice · #1 10-20-2005, 12:18 PM

You like someone. You're pretty sure they're attracted to you . . . but they already have a girlfriend/boyfriend.

Where do you draw the line of appropriate behavior? Is it fine to flirt with the person you like, as long as it doesn't go beyond that? Is it totally in bounds to pursue them because you have no obligation to the other person? You're not going to initiate things, but you wouldn't throw them out of your bed if they were to make the first move?

Not really looking for "right" or "wrong" answers, as long as you can justify it -- I'm just interested in the difference of opinion.

BobbyTheDon · #2 10-20-2005, 01:36 PM

Screw it. Steal the man

You don't know the other girl. She'll get over this guy anyways.

Also, if you are successful in stealing this guy don't get all pissed if he leaves you for another girl he starts to fancy while you are with him.

33girl · #3 10-20-2005, 01:47 PM

Flirt with them all you want, but know that they might just be doing it so they can get turned on to go home to the other girl and give her some hot monkey loving.

Yeppir, it took me THIS LONG to figure that one out.

Lindz928 · #4 10-20-2005, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
some hot monkey loving.

LOL!!!

I've been that girl before. Flirting with a guy who had a girlfriend. At the time, I didn't really care if he was willing to cheat on her with me. I figured it was his problem and that I wasn't doing anything wrong. In the end I was glad I didn't do it. Karma is a bitch.

KSig RC · #5 10-20-2005, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sugar and spice
Where do you draw the line of appropriate behavior? Is it fine to flirt with the person you like, as long as it doesn't go beyond that? Is it totally in bounds to pursue them because you have no obligation to the other person? You're not going to initiate things, but you wouldn't throw them out of your bed if they were to make the first move?

Fuck it dude, you're worrying about the wrong thing - you don't really owe these specific people anything, and there are no karmic consequences for not doing anything wrong. Rock it hard.

Rudey · #6 10-20-2005, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KSig RC
"Appropriate" is pretty much the kind of bullshit I don't really like to deal in - assuming you don't know the other person, 'appropriate' really relies on you doing things like 'applying value labels to things that are implicitly value-neutral' or 'defining 'cheating' beyond sexual acts' and blah - instead let's talk from another angle.

The overly general RC answer would be, "Do you." Do whatever you feel is what you feel is the best for you - after all, you have little or nothing invested in the other two people - but realize that any potential basis for the relationship, at the beginning, comes from a sudden change in status.

As we all know, sudden changes are generally bad portents for viability - think "rebound", of which this is simply a reversed version - so keep that in mind. However, who gives a shit about long-term viability at age 22?

At the least, I'd say that, generally, 'appropriate' would be to behave in a fashion that keeps your options open, and in fact increases the potential to get what you want, if not now then later. If that means flirting at the bar or being the 'fun girl' he meets out, that's absolutely perfect - it might violate some bizarre unwritten rule, but who cares? Rock it hard.

Too long Rob. Too long.

-Rudey

dzrose93 · #7 10-20-2005, 03:37 PM

If he's dating someone, then that makes him off limits in my book. I don't want anyone flirting with my guy, and I'm not going to flirt with someone else's.

AlphaFrog · #8 10-20-2005, 03:39 PM

Are you out to have a fling? Ok, go for it. If s/he's going to leave the other wo/man for you, the other wo/man didn't need them anyway (would you want someone who would leave you for a fling?).

Are you looking for Mr/s. Right? Forget it...if they'll leave their current for you, they'll leave you for someone else.

emleepc · #9 10-20-2005, 03:44 PM

I agree with dzrose......
no need to type the rest

KSig RC · #10 10-20-2005, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
Too long Rob. Too long.

-Rudey

You're right - I edited.

valkyrie · #11 10-20-2005, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AlphaFrog
Are you looking for Mr/s. Right? Forget it...if they'll leave their current for you, they'll leave you for someone else.

People say this all the time but it's not necessarily true. Someone will leave you if he's not happy for one reason or another for someone who seems like a better option. If you consistently rock someone's world, he's not likely to go anywhere even if presented with the opportunity.

As to the original question, I'm kind of torn on it. On the one hand, you should do what you want and you owe no duty to the other person's girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/whatever. On the other hand, it's not exactly a nice thing to do. It's really a balancing equation, and each person should decide for herself in any given situation (that's really a non-answer, but whatever).

wrigley · #12 10-20-2005, 04:24 PM

Did you know the guy before he had the girlfriend? If that's the case then it's sounds like he's testing the waters and wants to dump her. Wait awhile after their inevitable breakup to see if the feeling is mutual between the both of you. Do not make a move until she's completely off of his radar.

But if he already had the girlfriend and then met you, he's not worth it. The time you are spending with this guy could be better spent meeting a better guy without the extra baggage.

BobbyTheDon · #13 10-20-2005, 04:52 PM

Just say this really fast.

I ain't ever had nobody show me all the things
That you done showed me
In a special way I feel when you hold me
We gon' always be together baby
That is what you told and
I believe it cuz I ain't never had
Nobody do me
LIKE YOU

And shake your titties while doin the roger rabbit.

AchtungBaby80 · #14 10-20-2005, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
People say this all the time but it's not necessarily true. Someone will leave you if he's not happy for one reason or another for someone who seems like a better option. If you consistently rock someone's world, he's not likely to go anywhere even if presented with the opportunity.

I agree.

And I would hesitate to go after some other girl's guy just because I'd be afraid it would make me look desperate and sad. If he wants me, let him break up with her and then come to me.

Tickled Pink 2 · #15 10-20-2005, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sugar and spice
You like someone. You're pretty sure they're attracted to you . . . but they already have a girlfriend/boyfriend.

Where do you draw the line of appropriate behavior? Is it fine to flirt with the person you like, as long as it doesn't go beyond that? Is it totally in bounds to pursue them because you have no obligation to the other person? You're not going to initiate things, but you wouldn't throw them out of your bed if they were to make the first move?

Not really looking for "right" or "wrong" answers, as long as you can justify it -- I'm just interested in the difference of opinion.

Bad Karma. What goes around comes around. Do unto others (the girlfriend) as you would have them do unto you.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Whichever one you want to use.