Gay acceptance in Fraternities

Aspiring Greek · #1 08-15-2005, 02:47 AM

Hey everyone, I am in my second year at the University of South Florida in Tampa and I have wanted to join a fraternity since middle school and now the time has finally come. IFC recruitment at my school starts on September 12th and I am very excited. The only issue I'm having trouble with is my sexuality. I am pretty sure I'm gay except for the fact that I have never "done the deed" (or even come anywhere close to the doing of said deed) with a guy. I'm not one of the gay guys you would see on "Will and Grace" or "Queer as Folk". I'm one of the gay guys you'd see on "Frasier" or at a gay republican rally (even though I'm a democrat)who watches “Adult Swim”. I'm not a "horn dog" at all so the last thing my potential brothers would have to worry about is me coming after them at a party or something like that. A very, very small number of people would describe me as effeminate but the large number of other people I have met refer to me as exocentric, like that billionaire who lives in the huge mansion at the corner of town and is always very friendly in a non creepy way. I don't think that I need to "come out" but of I make it into a frat and someone asks me if I'm gay OR if I'm asked during Rush I would like to be able to say "Yes" without fear of being cut or treated differently. So, now that I have told all of you some very personal information, I basically just wanted to know which fraternities at USF are good about having gay members?

a.e.B.O.T. · #2 08-15-2005, 03:05 AM

Im not from USF, but I think youll know where you fit when you find it. Just go in and be yourself. Dont advertise, but dont hide. If you end up with a few brothers that are homophobic then its your duty, as a brother, to prove them wrong, that you are a great guy and your sexuality doesnt play into that. Dont join the fraternity JUST because they are the ones who except gays, because yes thats a good thing, but that doesnt mean they are the brothers right for you. Go through the recruitment, if the question is asked, answer correctly. If they are not accepting, they wontl spit in your face or take you to the back alley and kick your ass, they wont had you a bid. Thats there loss. Where you end up is where you belong whether they know your gay or not.

CutiePie2000 · #3 08-15-2005, 03:23 AM

Hi,
The issue of homosexuality on these boards has definitely been discussed before.
An awesome website: http://www.lambda10.org/

Click here to see "beaucoup" threads:
http://forums.greekchat.com/gcforums...der=descending

http://forums.greekchat.com/gcforums...ghlight=gay%2A

I don't know jack about your college, but I would definitely just keep your eyes and ears open and if you feel that your safety would be in jeopardy, then err on the side of caution. Some people are progressive and some are not...it's not worth getting beaten up over and receiving brain damage due to someone's beating.

FWIW: I knew a gay fraternity guy who was kinda effeminate. I asked him about how it was to be in a fraternity (Psi Upsilon), given his sexual orientation, and he describes the climate as that it was kind of a "they knew but it wasn't talked about" situation.

So, I think it will depend on the campus and what the individuals are like. Trust your instincts and try to steer clear of the haters. You'll know which one feels like home, and when the fraternity or fraternities extends you a bid or bids, well, that means that they want you for a BROTHER!

----------
A few minutes later...
I just remembered another fraternity guy who joined
Sigma Chi and he was uh...."pretty obvious" (he was still in his 20s and did figure skating, if I need to explain further...LOL...). Anyhow, his brothers loved him and so did the ladies. So, it can definitely work out.

And it sounds like you are still coming to terms with your sexuality, so if someone is so uncouth as to actually ask you as to "Are you gay?", tell them that it's none of their business or tell them to <blank> off!

PhoenixAzul · #4 08-15-2005, 09:47 AM

I really think that gay acceptance in a fraternity is reflective of the gay acceptance of the campus itself. At Otterbein, we have a very large population of gay/lesbian students, and a very large percentage of the school is greek (35-40 percent). It's been my experience with the guys that they don't really care what your orientation is, as long as you are a brother, act like a brother, and treat others as a brother.

Good luck with rush, hope you find a great group of friends!

Tom Earp · #5 08-15-2005, 06:43 PM

Well, I cannot Speak for All Greeks, LXA does accept on a Internation Level, I should know, One of My Best Friends and Brothers is.

While He is from a different Chapter, it makes no matter.

As was said in above Posts check it out.

You as an Individual have to go where You feel Welcome and at Home.

I have had Gay Brothers and it never Bothered Me one iota.

You as an idividual have to come to grips with your Feelings first.

g41965 · #6 08-16-2005, 08:18 AM

When I was was an undergraduate my chapter would not have accepted an openly gay brother, I would have been bothered as well, as I have gotten older someone being gay doesn't bother me anymore. Maybe things have changed for the better since the 1980's

GoneGreek · #7 08-16-2005, 10:06 AM

Quote:

So, now that I have told all of you some very personal information, I basically just wanted to know which fraternities at USF are good about having gay members?

I'm not sure what USF's campus is like, but I'm going to speak in general terms here.

Every chapter is going to have members with differing opinions, especially because the members change every year. With that said, it really depends on who the leaders are during your membership, and who is in your pledge class. Remember, that a chapter will never remain constant or consistent. You should be prepared that attitudes and members will change from one year to the next. No one here can give you a definite answer of what a chapter or its members will be like from one year to the next.

I know that this answer probably hasn't answered your question, but it's just something to be aware of.

PhiPsiRuss · #8 08-16-2005, 02:41 PM

I'm not gay, so any advice that I give is very limited in value because I don't really understand where you stand. My chapter never had a brother come out of the closet when I was active, and I don't know if any ever have.

On the one hand, you don't want to run around yelling that you're gay with a bullhorn. On the other hand, you should not put up a false front. That would not be fair to you or your future brothers.

From what I've read, there are some (usually a very small minority) of fraternity brothers who will never accept a gay brother.

Most will be accepting, and of those who get mad at their brother for being gay, its almost always because they heard about it from someone outside the fraternity.

You really need to get personal advice from those who have walked where you will be going. I doubt that the fraternity experience at USF will be problem-free for you, but its still worth persuing. If you do this right, you will grow as a person far more than you could without the fraternity experience, and you will be proud of who you are.

Best of luck!

ETA speaking with your school's greek affairs advisor is probably a very good idea.

Tom Earp · #9 08-16-2005, 04:23 PM

See if You can find the book, "Out On Fraternity Row".

Amazing How many Gays are Greeks.

Senusret I · #10 08-16-2005, 08:41 PM

There is good advice in this thread, and elsewhere. Good luck -- I hope you find the perfect fit. Just be yourself.

Aspiring Greek · #11 08-17-2005, 01:08 AM

Hey. I just wanted to thank everyone who has responmded so far for your time and advice. If the greeks at my school are anything like you guys I should have no problems. And if anyone else has any more advice don't be scurred to post.

FireLily0 · #12 08-17-2005, 01:39 AM

Hello!

I do know that USF does have a gay fraternity on campus - I am not sure exactly what it is called, but there is one. Not quite sure if they are still active, so you would need to check with the student organization office.

As for the national fraternities on campus, I am pretty sure they are not going to ask you if you are gay or not. That seems like such a crazy question - more than likely they will get to know you as a person, your interests, sports, etc etc. If there is a connection, I really do not see why your sexuality would be an issue. There are several chapters on campus that have great guys who I am pretty sure would accept your sexuality.

Hope this helps - I am in a sorority at USF, so PM me if you have any other questions.

Aspiring Greek · #13 08-18-2005, 01:31 AM

Yeah, thanks Fire Lilly. I read an article about them a whiiile ago but I don't know how cool I'd be joining them. It kind of feels like I'd be joining them just because I was gay but then again, if I end up liking them it wouldn't matter cuz if I liked them, I'd join them even if I wasn't gay. Does that make sense??? I think I just confused meself.

Corsulian · #14 08-18-2005, 03:17 AM

We don't care--we have some gay guys
We joke around--but we would never drop someone just for that reason.

The B Girl · #15 08-18-2005, 10:26 PM

Hi-
I went to USF a long time ago (graduated in 91). That was before there was a gay fraternity on campus, and I know of at least 1 national organization that had gay members (In this particular fraternity, the president was gay in addition to others). It is a pretty liberal and accepting greek system. PM me if you have any other questions.