International Adoption

[Taualumna]

With all the talk of Angelina Jolie adopting an Ethiopian girl, I've decided to start a thread on international adoption.

Anyway, here's a question for all:

If someone adopts a child internationally, should that person expose the child to his/her specific culture or the general culture of the country he/she is from? Let's say ten years from now, I decide to adopt a little girl from China. Let's say she's from a part of China with a unique culture different than mainstream Chinese culture. Should I expose her to that culture rather than the mainstream stuff readily available in most major cities?

[carnation]

LOL. We exposed our 5 internationally adopted kids to their cultures a lot-- we took them to picnics sponsored by people from their cultures, learned to cook their food, you name it, and all went well until they became teenagers. Suddenly they wanted nothing to do with anything but American culture. We'd been warned by other international adopters that it would probably happen and sure enough....

There are about 40 families here who have adopted from overseas and I can't think of one who hasn't experienced the teenage cultural rejection thing.

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by carnation
LOL. We exposed our 5 internationally adopted kids to their cultures a lot-- we took them to picnics sponsored by people from their cultures, learned to cook their food, you name it, and all went well until they became teenagers. Suddenly they wanted nothing to do with anything but American culture. We'd been warned by other international adopters that it would probably happen and sure enough....

.

But what if their culture is very specific, different from the mainstream of the country they're from? Let's say they're from a region with its own traditions. Should you try to expose them to that?

[carnation]

We didn't try that--we just aimed for the overall culture. For instance, Baby Berry is from Cebu, a Southern island in the Filipino island chain, but all the Filipinos here are from Manila so we just let them guide us. Our Vietnamese daughter is from North Vietnam but the only Vietnamese here are South Vietnamese so we learned from them.

[adpi*violet]

This is a very old thread... but am wondering if anyone else on GC, besides Carnation, has adopted internationally? Would anyone who has be willing to share your hints and tips?
Our home study was just approved and after we complete the Core Training now required by the Hague Convention, my husband and I will be eligible for a referral. We are on our agency's waiting list for a baby boy from Korea.

Please feel free to comment here or PM me. Thanks for all your help!

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by adpi*violet

This is a very old thread... but am wondering if anyone else on GC, besides Carnation, has adopted internationally? Would anyone who has be willing to share your hints and tips?
Our home study was just approved and after we complete the Core Training now required by the Hague Convention, my husband and I will be eligible for a referral. We are on our agency's waiting list for a baby boy from Korea.

Please feel free to comment here or PM me. Thanks for all your help!

I am an adoptive mom, but our son was born in the U.S. My niece, however, was adopted from China and will be 8 in July. I also have a friend who adopted a daughter from Korea about 5 years ago. She went through the Pearl S. Buck agency in PA and had a great experience with them.

I'm afraid I can't give you any advice on the international process since I haven't experienced it firsthand, but I wanted to congratulate you and welcome you to the rollercoaster ride called adoption!

Best of luck to you and your husband.

[BBelleADPi]

We adopted a baby girl from China. We began the process, which took a year, before she was born. We actually got her when she was nine months old. She is now twelve years old, in sixth grade, tall (very!), beautiful, straight A student, and the sweetest child I have ever known. We can't imagine life without her. We have two older birth children, a girl now in college, and our son just graduated.

We are like Carnation, in that we did our best to expose her to Chinese cultures in as many ways as possible, and living outside of Atlanta, we had, and have, a great many opportunities to do so. However, she and her other Chinese friends (three girls her age, and several others here in town ages 3-8), are appreciative of the fact that we respect their heritage and want them to do so, but they are basically just American girls. Texting, music, clothes, soccer games, tennis lessons, summer camp, whatever. It's all they've ever known, and China is just a far-away country that they'll visit someday. Maybe when they are older they'll have more of an interest, but they're too busy being American preteens right now.

I am sure the international process has changed greatly since we adopted. We had a huge emotional roller coater ride, to be sure, but well, well worth it. Hang in there!

[adpi*violet]

Thanks ladies! Yes- I've already experienced the emotional roller coaster and we just got started!
Anyone else with experience feel free to chime in.

[Munchkin03]

Awesome. Kudos to you all, especially the soon-to-be new parents!

[ForeverRoses]

My niece is adopted from Hunan province in China and I know my brother and sister-in-law try to keep her connected. They have children's DVDs that are in the dialect spoken in Hunan (I forget the name if it). Plus they have pictures and videos from when they went to get her.

But the biggest thing they have done is stay in touch with two of the couples that were in their adoption group. They have visited them several times since they returned 4 years ago. They even have a yearly reunion with all three girls. It is neat since all three of them came from the same orphanage and in some cases may have even been crib mates! But this only works if you like the other couples...

[Leslie Anne]

My sister is in the process of international adoption. She just finished her Home Study this week. I've tried to learn as much as I can about the process since she's going it alone (single mom -- yes, I know not everyone is supportive of this). She'll, hopefully, be adopting a baby girl from Russia.

She plans on taking a lot of photographs and video of the area where the baby is from as well as learning as much about the culture as possible. Knowing my sister, she'll probably buy tons of Russian things to give as gifts each year (in addition to regular presents). I've heard quite a bit about the kids rejecting the culture as teenagers. It makes sense but at least if you give them the information they can choose whether or not to identify with it. Better that, then have them wondering and idealizing an imaginary or unknown "what if."

Best of luck to you, adpi*violet. I know it can be a difficult and emotionally draining process.

[SOPi_Jawbreaker]

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

I've heard quite a bit about the kids rejecting the culture as teenagers. It makes sense but at least if you give them the information they can choose whether or not to identify with it. Better that, then have them wondering and idealizing an imaginary or unknown "what if."

I think this might be a typical teenager thing overall. I'm not adopted, but during my teen years, I really wanted to fit in and not be different. For instance, there was this Chinese-American girl in my class who would sometimes try to get me to speak Chinese with her. I would get embarrassed and ignore her, because I was uncomfortable having her draw attention to my differentness. But in college, I began to realize how cool it is that I'm bilingual and that I have both the American and the Chinese culture. I think the teen years are just awkward for everyone, and later on, during the college years, you're finally able to feel more comfortable in your own skin.

[BBelleADPi]

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

I've heard quite a bit about the kids rejecting the culture as teenagers. It makes sense but at least if you give them the information they can choose whether or not to identify with it. Better that, then have them wondering and idealizing an imaginary or unknown "what if."

My daughter and her friends do not reject their heritage at all. They are very proud of being Chinese. They simply don't connect with it, because American ways are all they've ever known.

We (parents of the three girls) took them to the Chinese New Year Spectacular during Christmas break. They were very excited about going, and told all their friends about the show. I highly recommend this traveling production-the talent is amazing-singing, dancing, acrobatics, etc.

[Leslie Anne]

Sorry, I wasn't directing that comment to you or anyone specific in this thread. But, you're right, "connect" is a better choice of words.

[SoCalGirl]

How does citizenship work with international adoptions?