Feeling abandoned...(long)

[ZTABullwinkle]

Please understand that I meant not to hurt any feelings with this thread. I was speaking about my feelings and didn't really put enough thought into how it may affect or be interpeted by my chapter and sisters...

I am sorry.
Meredith

[ZTAngel]

I don't have any real concrete advice for this but I wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this. Your GC sisters are here for you!

I was always led to believe that you're not an alum of ZTA until you have spent 4 years as a collegiate or you graduate- whichever one came first. While I was a collegiate member, there was a girl who joined her sophomore year in the pledge class after mine. Although she was only 1 year older than most of the members of her pledge class, she still felt out-of-place with them. She became better friends with my pledge than her own. She switched her major during her sophomore or junior year which set her back 2 semesters. When my pledge class became alumnae members, she did as well. I was confused because she hadn't spent 4 years in the chapter and she hadn't graduated either but she was considered an alum in good standing. I'm not sure how she was granted that status but the reason for me telling you this is to tell let you know that some people are granted early alumnae status. Maybe you can get medical leave from ZTA?

I'm sure that PenguinTrax will have better answers than me!

[cntryZTA5]

Meredith,


In regard to becoming an alumna, it is my understanding that if you leave school (and your dues were up to date when you left), you are considered an alumna. I could be wrong, but that has been my understanding. If you don't get a response from your advisor, I would check with your province president again.

I'm sorry that your sisters haven't been as supportive as they should have been. It sounds like you've been going through a lot and need their support. Have you tried to talk to anyone to let them know how you feel? I know that sometimes people back off because they're not sure how to act or what to say. Maybe if you broke the ice it would help some.

I wish I could be more help. At least know that your sisters on GC are supportive of you!

ZLAM,
Jackie

P.S. I had the opportunity to meet you briefly when you were talking to Barbara Purks at Convention.

[Tippiechick]

If you leave school in good standing with ZTA, you can become an alumna. I know; I did it.

I had the status when my chapter closed. I transferred to another school and joined the chapter there. I did not mesh with the sisters there. When I was offered a job with the Gore campaign in '00, I left school completely while working full-time. It was then that I filled out the paperwork to regain my status.

I know how advisors can be. I know how chapters can be. My little sister was not granted status because she was not liked very well by several members. Even though she had official documentation from her professor stating that she HAD to miss Rush activities or fail her theatre production class, they still fined her $200 a day. The professor even called the advisor. But, they never removed the fines. So, she could not afford to pay the $1,000 the chapter said she owed. It was an easy way to force her out of the chapter.

So, I KNOW how it can be to deal with sisters who are not acting like sisters.

Please do not let this ruin ZTA for you. I had to learn that not all sisters act badly. I had a VERY WONDERFUL experience in my chpater of initiation, the Ole Miss chapter.

Again, if you have left school in good standing, you have the ability to apply for alumna status.

Please let me know how this turns out!

ZLAM.

[winneythepooh7]

Sorry to crash your board but I wanted to share a similar experience I went through (all though not the same by far, as yours). Anyways, I graduated a year before my pledge class did. It was hard for me because they had an extra year to bond after graduation and I kind of was resentful because I felt "left behind" everytime I went back to see them; our relationship just wasn't the same anymore. Even now, years later, it is hard for me to see that my old best friend, roommate and pledge sister doesn't even TALK to me anymore . There were recently pics of her wedding posted on our Alumnae website. I felt sad that I wasn't kept in the loop about this, and other, younger sisters were. But you know what? I still know that there are other super-cool sisters out there I have met in DPhiE, that I have more in common with now anyways. I have learned that even though we have many "sisters" that doesn't mean that all of them are always going to be there for you, just like friends we have made who aren't are sisters are not always there for us. If I were you I would continue to reach out to your ZTA sisters who are willing to be there for you and F*&K the ones who don't care. It's their loss for not wanting to get to know you because you sound like a really great person to me . Plus, it's their own issues they have to deal with that they are uncomfortable with your situation.

[FSUZeta]

i am quoting from our general manual:

" a member graduating, WITHDRAWING or transferring from school does NOT need to request alumna status. alumna status is automatic providing she is current with her financial obligation."

what your chapter sisters were mistakenly referring to is what zeta refers to as a 5th year member:"any member who has completed 8 semesters or 12 quarters as a zta new member and/or initiate, but who has not graduated qualifies as a 5th year member. she may be granted special alumna status or she can remain on active status by paying full chapter fees."

another special alumna status could result from marriage. the member should continue to pay dues and participate in chapter activities until alumna status is granted. she may choose to remain an active member after her marriage. in that case she must fully participate in all activities and pay her dues.

so dear sister, you ARE an alumna and don't you let anyone tell you differently. please don't give up on zeta. take a few steps back from your chapter right now and bide your time. the members that you are presently not seeing eye to eye with will graduate and at that time it might be that you could volunteer to serve as an advisor to the chapter. don't give up on the alumnae chapter. the first time i attended an alumnae meeting in tulsa ok, i felt really out of the loop. most members were from ok. state and had been in the chapter at the same time. i was all the way from florida state. the situation was a hard nut to crack at first but i kept at it and ultimately served as president of the chapter one year. i never became best friends with anyone in the chapter, but i liked and admired these women and it was fun to get to know them. it finally worked for me because i treated my attendance at their meetings as a recruitment event and i actually would pick out members and rush them. i made the first move and it worked. i hope that things get better for you. take care of your health. zl, lisa

ps: when you return to school you can remain an alumna-you do not have to become an active collegiate member again.

Meredith,

I know exactly how you feel. As you very well know (you and Barbara Purks helped me through this), I felt very out-of-place in my chapter as a collegiate. I stayed in ZTA even though I had my misgivings about my own chapter. I soon graduated in December of 2003 and joined the Charlotte, NC chapter. Unfortunately, when it came to going to meetings, the directions that were given to the meeting locations were not very good. I ended up not going to the meetings because I didn't know where they were. This is when the abandonment feelings started to come into play.

I moved from the Charlotte, NC area because I knew no one and my collegiate chapter was only 30 minutes away but I couldn't go back because of all the hurt I experienced as a collegiate. No one wanted to meet and befriend a new person in the Charlotte, NC/Clover, SC area. I moved to the Greenville, SC area (which is where I am from) and I only received only 2 emails about being an alumna in one of the 2 Upstate Carolina alumnae groups. After the second email, I received nada for about 2 or 3 months and I tried contacting someone with no avail. I actually thought about desistering as an alumna because I thought ZTA didn't want me nor did they want my help or ideas. I thought, "My God, it's the same as an alumna as it is as a collegiate." My thoughts were that apparently the GA from my collegiate chapter had contacted someone around here and made it clear that I "wasn't a good ZTA" for the sheer fact that she didn't like me.

Fortunately, people started contacting me (even a ZTA from all the way in Alabama but moved to Greenville, SC). Meredith, please don't give up! Always have an open heart. Granted, there's more of a chance to experience hurt and disappointment but if we don't experience these things then how are we to continue learning? I think you're a great ZTA. I mean you helped me and didn't even know me. In fact, you've never met me and I still consider you not only a sister but a friend as well. As a friend and as a sister, please, remain a ZTA because I think you're a great asset to ZTA with your strong personality. ZTA needs more of us strong personalities. Otherwise, how does a sorority stand on its own without strong individuals? Personally, I don't know.

[imissZTA]

I know exactly how you feel ZTABullwinkle, I pledged late and never really felt close to my pledge class. Then as the older sisters that I was close to started to graduate I was left feeling completely unwanted. I was then diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and depression...tons of fun, i know! So I was obviously having issues which translated to bad grades and financial problems, I was financially expelled. My president and I wrote letters to get me back in and that was accepted. However, I lost my job before I could pay all my back dues for the semester. That was about 2 years ago. I am not in school anymore and I am working full time, I would like to try to get back in so I can be active in an alumni chapter and be able to go to activities again, I miss having sisters that are close. My big moved to Boston and I miss her so much but if I could be active again I could be involved again and maybe things will be better now. If you or anyone else can help me, I would appreciate it more than you can know.

ps> I also never took a little and I don't want my family line to end with me

[PenguinTrax]

You would need to contact IO to find out how much of your collegiate financial obligation is outstanding and make arrangements to fulfill the obligation. You would then be considered to be in good standing and could fully participate with your local alumnae chapter. You might also want to talk to the District President for your area and enlist her assistance in wading through the paperwork, etc. - depending on your status when you left school (ie. you were at the end of the semester and just didn't return), it could be that you owe nothing towards the financial obligation.

Good luck and welcome to GC!

Originally posted by imissZTA
I know exactly how you feel ZTABullwinkle, I pledged late and never really felt close to my pledge class. Then as the older sisters that I was close to started to graduate I was left feeling completely unwanted. I was then diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and depression...tons of fun, i know! So I was obviously having issues which translated to bad grades and financial problems, I was financially expelled. My president and I wrote letters to get me back in and that was accepted. However, I lost my job before I could pay all my back dues for the semester. That was about 2 years ago. I am not in school anymore and I am working full time, I would like to try to get back in so I can be active in an alumni chapter and be able to go to activities again, I miss having sisters that are close. My big moved to Boston and I miss her so much but if I could be active again I could be involved again and maybe things will be better now. If you or anyone else can help me, I would appreciate it more than you can know.

ps> I also never took a little and I don't want my family line to end with me

[utkzta]

Don't quit yet! You have to remember also that you may not always live in that city or state, and you might move some where with awesome new ZTA sisters. Do you like the alums in your area?

I think we all forget how childish and immature we all were in our late teens and early twenties. Girls get caught up in their own lives and feel it is someone else's responsibility to reach out to them (meaning the chapter thinks you should contact them). One of my best friends went through that at another school. She found out she had a life changing medical condition and stopped going to things. No one called her, no one checked on her - the only phone calls she got from the chapter were 1) what are we going to do with your little sister and 2) are you financial clear. Later we got to be friends, found out we were both ZTA's and are involved in the alum group together. Good can happen.

I also think sometimes advisors that are VERY close to their college chapters stay in that (childish?) mind set. They have a set of rules that must be followed, and lose sight of the big picture. 99% of the time there are exceptions to every rule.

Honestly, I am surprised they pledged you at 28 into a college chapter - mainly because I wouldn't think you would have a lot in common with the girls. A college boyfriend's fraternity pledged two guys over 23, and they just didn't want to put up with the BS from guess 5/6 years their junior. The mindset is just so different as you get a little older. (I am sort of proud of them for that - I doubt it would have happened at my chapter). It doesn't excuse the behavior, but especially if remaining a Zeta doesn't cost you money I wouldn't go to the trouble to quit. Your future daughter will be a legacy, and you may find the perfect alum group and alum friends later in life.

[bulldogzeta]

Meredith,
Were you profiled in Themis? I was reading your story and it sounds familiar. I remember being very moved by that story. Don't give up--Zeta is forever.

ZL,
bulldogzeta

[ZTABullwinkle]

Bulldogzeta-

Yes, that was me. I was one of several sisters who was profiled about depression. I didn't tell anyone in my chapter about it until one of my sisters said something. Many of them had no idea.

Thanks for the support!

ZLAM,
Meredith \^^^/

PS - do you go to UGA? or do you just love bulldogs?


edited because comments made by me have upset/offended many members in my chapter....If you have any messages for me, please PM me.

[bulldogzeta]

I'm a graduate of Mississippi State--Gamma Zeta chapter. We are bulldogs also.

[ZTABullwinkle]

Just wanted everyone to know that I am returning to ODU for the Fall 2005 term!

[FSUZeta]

good for you!!! but be sure to take care of yourself.