When Harry met Sally

XOMichelle · #1 12-16-2004, 01:39 AM

Aside from telling someone, what is the best way to convey that you do not want a romantic realtionship with a guy? I could use some advice.

AChiOAlumna · #2 12-16-2004, 01:48 AM

You could always refer to the book "He's just not that into you" and reverse it to work for you!!!

texas*princess · #3 12-16-2004, 01:54 AM

If you still want to stay friends with the guy, tell him in a slightly different way (as opposed to "I just want to be friends").

The good 'ol "you're such a great friend!" when ya'll are hanging out is innocent enough

That way he will know where the "relationship" stands without you having to give the "i just want to be your friend" line.

AGDee · #4 12-16-2004, 07:12 AM

I think you need to directly communicate. "I sense that you want this friendship to become more than a friendship but that isn't how I'm feeling about it".

Dee

UKDaisy · #5 12-16-2004, 08:25 AM

My guy friend and I actually sat down and talked about this early on.

It was our freshmen year...and we were drinking mixed drinks and watching a movie and he just turned to me said, "you know, you really are attractive. and to be honest, so am i. but can we promise each other never to do the whole "dating" thing?" We agreed and toasted. And every year since our friendship has just gotten stronger.

Its really great, b/c having that honesty with him made us be able to talk about everything and anything. No holding back. So while I think he is one of the best examples of man God put on this earth. I also feel free to call him up and tell him when he's done wrong.

And for me it really was a huge benefit. B/c his girlfriend is my sorority lil' sis.

KSig RC · #6 12-16-2004, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDee
I think you need to directly communicate. "I sense that you want this friendship to become more than a friendship but that isn't how I'm feeling about it".

Dee

I'm not sure I would put it like this, unless your boy is very into Dr. Phil . . . but yeah, Dee is definitely on the right track, no amount of body language is going to be better than words. Even then, be short and clear, and no euphemistic or side-stepping language:

"You are a good guy, but I don't want to date. You're not my type, and I don't want you to get the wrong idea."

is far superior to

"I value our friendship too much to ruin it by dating."

Also, things lik just not calling him back will serve the function you desire (eventually), but honestly any sort of 'brush-off' you give the guy w/out making it explicit will lead to lingering feelings, possibly some bitterness, and definitely some more 'passes' at you.

KSigkid · #7 12-16-2004, 10:51 AM

I'm not sure there is another way to do it that would make the feelings clear. Doing it in other ways (not calling, etc.) would still leave lingering feelings, and would only set things up for a worse situation down the road.

Use words, be direct, and you'll get your point across clearly.

XOMichelle · #8 12-16-2004, 01:22 PM

You all assume the worst of me don't you? I HAVE talked about it with him recently -- twice. The first time was a casual comment, and two days ago we addressed it directly, agreeing to remain friends. So far it's been working well, except I just get this feeling he thinks we might have a shot at a relationship. I think bringing it up directly again would be overkill, also it would make him feel uncomfortable. I just want to know what else there is I can do. For instance, are there subjects that should be avoided in conversation? I already don't really tell him about dates I go on and such (unless there is something particularly funny about it). What other signals can I use that won’t jeopardize our friendship? Right now I am just acting like I always do with friends. Is that ok? Should I try and put a little more space between us? I don't know.

ETA- Just as a background, this guy and I have been friends for almost 5 years. I never really got any feeling that he wanted to be anything more than friends until 3 months ago. I did consider dating him, and although it's not cut and dry, I don't think it would work.

KSig RC · #9 12-16-2004, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by XOMichelle
You all assume the worst of me don't you? I HAVE talked about it with him recently -- twice. The first time was a casual comment, and two days ago we addressed it directly, agreeing to remain friends. So far it's been working well, except I just get this feeling he thinks we might have a shot at a relationship. I think bringing it up directly again would be overkill, also it would make him feel uncomfortable. I just want to know what else there is I can do. For instance, are there subjects that should be avoided in conversation? I already don't really tell him about dates I go on and such (unless there is something particularly funny about it). What other signals can I use that won’t jeopardize our friendship? Right now I am just acting like I always do with friends. Is that ok? Should I try and put a little more space between us? I don't know.

ETA- Just as a background, this guy and I have been friends for almost 5 years. I never really got any feeling that he wanted to be anything more than friends until 3 months ago. I did consider dating him, and although it's not cut and dry, I don't think it would work.

It's going to be awkward for a while, chances are that this was something that didn't just 'appear' 3 months ago and so he's going to need time to scale himself back. I'd suggest, uh, don't make out with him, or do anything remotely flirty? I guess that's all you can do, just keep it clear that there's no signals being sent (so thus none can be mixed).

Rudey · #10 12-16-2004, 03:39 PM

You like boys?!?

-Rudey
--So does Rob!

Quote:

Originally posted by XOMichelle
You all assume the worst of me don't you? I HAVE talked about it with him recently -- twice. The first time was a casual comment, and two days ago we addressed it directly, agreeing to remain friends. So far it's been working well, except I just get this feeling he thinks we might have a shot at a relationship. I think bringing it up directly again would be overkill, also it would make him feel uncomfortable. I just want to know what else there is I can do. For instance, are there subjects that should be avoided in conversation? I already don't really tell him about dates I go on and such (unless there is something particularly funny about it). What other signals can I use that won’t jeopardize our friendship? Right now I am just acting like I always do with friends. Is that ok? Should I try and put a little more space between us? I don't know.

ETA- Just as a background, this guy and I have been friends for almost 5 years. I never really got any feeling that he wanted to be anything more than friends until 3 months ago. I did consider dating him, and although it's not cut and dry, I don't think it would work.

KSig RC · #11 12-16-2004, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
You like boys?!?

-Rudey
--So does Rob!

love ya big boy!

Rudey · #12 12-16-2004, 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KSig RC

love ya big boy!

I've been bathing you in the urinal since you were 12 Robby.

-Rudey

KSig RC · #13 12-16-2004, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
I've been bathing you in the urinal since you were 12 Robby.

-Rudey

home!

Rudey · #14 12-16-2004, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KSig RC

home!

I love that picture.

"Pussy is pussy, even if it's ass." -Bobbythedon's dad

What the hell does that mean Robby?

-Rudey
--Why isn't there a urinal cake with something to read in that urinal?