Your Funeral/ Memorial Service

[lifesaver]

In the State Funerals question, OTW got me thinking about my service.

If you were to sit down today (if you havent already) and plan your funeral (but you're not terminal), what would you plan? What songs would you like them to play /hymns to be sung?

For me:
I have planned out my ceremony. Its my funeral and want it done my way. I have a $20,000 life insurance ploicy and I want them to spend $8 - 10K on the funeral (thats cheap, BTW), throw a big ass party/wake with open bar and a catered dinner for my friends and family. and then for my family to take a trip on whats left over. (of course thats if I was to die in my 20's or 30's - I'm sure I will change it every decade or so). But I dont want my family burdened with trying to figure out what I want.

There will be no Amazing Grace sung. I dont liek that song. Its overdone and overplayed. There will be no 23rd psalm.

I want it to be a celebration of my life. A video show, The song "I will remember you" by Sarah McLaghlan, and I want to close with "Here I am lord." They played it at my brothers funeral. I carry that song with me daily. Its so beautiful.

Here I am Lord

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.

Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I, who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?


Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people’s pain.
I have wept for love of them.
They turn away.


Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my words to them.
Whom shall I send?


Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will send the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.


Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
Finest bread I will provide,
'Til their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them.
Whom shall I send?


Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart

My family is Catholic, so I've been to many a Catholic funeral wake (both open and closed caskets), mass, and burials. As a child we'd often take trips to the memorial park to place flowers on the graves of our loved ones.

I told myself that I didn't want a somber service like that when I pass.

Like lifesaver, I want to be cremated -- and have a celebration of life on the sand of Waikiki Beach fronting the Royal Hawaiian Hotel at sunset.

I don't want anything extravagant. Just my family and friends in their beach attire. As far as songs and hymns go, there's a Hawaiian spiritual that I've particularly loved since I was a little girl. It's called Iesu Me Ke Kanaka Waiwai (Jesus and the Rich Man).

The hymn is based on Mark 10:17-22 and the song goes:

Ma ke ala hele o Iesu
I halawai aku ai
Me ke kanaka `opio hanohano
Kaulana me ka waiwai

Pane mai e ka `opio
E ku`u haku maika`i
He aha ho`i kau e ana aku ai
I loa`a e ke ola mau

E haaw`i, e ha`awi lilo
I kou mau waiwai
Huli a hahai mai ia`u
I loa`a e ke ola mau ia `oe

Let me walk through paradise with you, Lord
Take my hand and lead me there
All my earthly treasures I'd gladly give
Teach me how to love and how to share

Greed and lust and vanity were mine, Lord
Then I found your love divine
Now on my knees I pray I can find a way
Let me walk through paradise with you

After this, they'll take my urn out to sea. Some will paddle out on their boards, some will board the outrigger canoe and paddle out that way. When they reach the spot about 3/4 of a mile out, they'll scatter my ashes there and hopefully feel the warmth and security I'd feel as a kid. That's where my dad taught me how to surf all those years ago.

In keeping with Hawaiian custom, everyone then throws out leis and flowers into the water before going back to shore.

That's how I want to be remembered.

[CUGreekgirl]

I actually had my funeral planned out a few years ago.

I saw this in Dear abby or something,
but anyway its what I want done.

The guy died and his mom had him creamated. After the funeral close friends and family were invited to recieve a vial of ashes then spread them wherever they had spent special time with the person. One friend spread them in the forest where they used to go camping. The grandmother spread them in her garden.

I thought it sounded pretty neat.

[swissmiss04]

Lifesaver, I want that song played at my funeral! It's the most incredibly beautiful song. (I once surprised my grandmother by visiting her and sang it at her church. She cried.)

I of course want lots of music. And a huge wake. I think life should be celebrated, even in the midst of sadness.

I know this is so cliche, but I want a bagpiper at my funeral. I am possibly the only person on the face of the earth that likes the sound of bagpipers. If I can't get that, then I want a traditional New Orleans funeral.

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by swissmiss04
Lifesaver, I want that song played at my funeral! It's the most incredibly beautiful song. (I once surprised my grandmother by visiting her and sang it at her church. She cried.)

I of course want lots of music. And a huge wake. I think life should be celebrated, even in the midst of sadness.

I know this is so cliche, but I want a bagpiper at my funeral. I am possibly the only person on the face of the earth that likes the sound of bagpipers. If I can't get that, then I want a traditional New Orleans funeral.

You are not the only one who likes bagpipes. I think they can be eerie sometimes, especially when the piper is playing "Amazing Grace". At my university, it was tradition to have "Amazing Grace" played before the homecoming game for the alumni who passed over the past year. It is just haunting.

[KillarneyRose]

All of your ideas are lovely and touching and I'm sure they will be of comfort to your friends and family.

I'm not trying to ignore the importance of the whole funeral and, by extension, the grieving process, but I honestly don't care what is done with my body after I die. If any of my organs can help someone, they're welcome to them. As for the rest of me; whatever.

My only stipulation is that I am NOT laid out in an open casket. The thought of me lying there while people pass by and gawk at me really bothers me for some reason. There will be some serious haunting going on if this is done to me!

As for Mr. KR, I got him all planned out before he left for the middle east. I'm going to have him interred at the Naval Academy, where he went to school. He says that spending the rest of eternity at the Naval Academy is his version of hell, but, tough cookies, I've made my decision!

Oh, and the widow is supposed to get the American flag that is draped on the casket. But I have a feeling my biotch of a mother-in-law would try to snag it so two of my best girlfriends have sworn to me that if she did, they would jump her and return the flag to its rightful owner....me

[swissmiss04]

Yeah KR, definitely no open casket for me either. I think it's better closed. I've been to some of both and I found that open casket can really upset some people. I'd rather people remember me as healthy and vibrant, not dead and cold. Sorry to be so morbid

[AlphaSigOU]

While I have not officially set to paper my funeral instructions, there are some things that I would prefer to have done at my funeral/memorial service:

Simple military honors - as a former enlisted person in the Air Force, that's all I get. (Burial flag and firing party.)

Masonic funeral honors. The white lambskin presented to me at my raising as a Master Mason to be cremated with me.

My body to be cremated, a small portion of my ashes to be scattered to the four winds, the rest inurned in a national cemetery. (I don't qualify for burial at Arlington National Cemetery.)

If I can get enough Alpha Sig brothers to attend, to form our Mystic Circle one last time as I enter Omega Chapter.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I really haven't thought about it.

I'm Catholic so I would have a Catholic funeral mass.

[lifesaver]

Originally posted by swissmiss04
If I can't get that, then I want a traditional New Orleans funeral.

Yeah, I gotta have "Just a closer walk with thee" played Preservation Hall / Jazz style.

[Rudey]

Buried within 24 hours.

Nothing more extravagant than a pine box - we're all the same in death.

I'd like the people I touched and my family to mourn for me for the traditional period, and then to remember me.

-Rudey
--And I hope I'm banged by a necrophile

[Betarulz!]

My body is going to science and organ donation...If I spent my entire life trying to help others, why should I stop when I'm dead? That's definitely my decision, though I thought the divvying of ashes for friends to spread was pretty awesome, maybe I'll incorporate something like that into it, just not with my ashes.

As for the memorial. I want it to be a celebration, not a, well, a funeral. Huge catered party, with people who knew me and loved me coming together to have a good time, because honestly, I want people to remember that they enjoyed my company and that I was someone who they associated with good times.

[aephi alum]

I would want a very simple memorial service, then to be buried within 24 hours of death if possible (Jewish tradition).

My family would observe the traditional mourning period, but I would hope that their time spent sitting shiva would be a celebration of my life, full of happy memories of me and of our lives together.

[Munchkin03]

Organ donation, followed by cremation. I think overblown funerals, with expensive caskets and the like, are terrible. I've seen families argue over what kind of casket to get, when all the decedent wanted was a "'plain pine box."

I'd want to have a Celebration of Life...one with good food, good music, and happy memories. That might have to be done a month or two after my actual death, though. I wouldn't mind having a second line.