If she walks like a duck.....(Warning: long, meandering post)

KillarneyRose · #1 05-26-2004, 10:15 PM

I started this thread because of two things I saw today: The first is an interview I just finished watching on television. For those of you familiar with the show "The Bachelor", the interview was with Trish. For those of you NOT familiar with her, Trish is a fairly decent-looking woman with an ego the size of Cowboys Stadium. Her favorite subject, judging from the interview, is herself. Namely, how beautiful, tall and shapely she is and how "intimidating" she is to other women.

The second thing is my 11th grade yearbook. I hadn't opened it since my senior year in HS and was astounded to see that (many of) the girls that were considered to be the class beauties really weren't all that outstanding in the looks department while I saw pictures of girls that pretty much kept to themselves who were, in fact, beautiful. My friend who was reading with me suggested it was all a matter of the girls who were considered beautiful believing so much in their looks that they kind of swept up everyone else in the delusion (think "Emperor's New Clothes")

Now, to get to my question (finally! lol).

If a person, particularly a woman, is average or only slightly above average in the looks department, but carries herself well, dresses well, shows a great deal of self-confidence and basically thinks she's hot stuff, do you tend to buy into that? Or do you pretty much think, "Why in the world is SHE so impressed with herself?"

James · #2 05-26-2004, 10:24 PM

I am pretty critical. So i wouldn't be impressed. But yeah a lot of people I know would be, especially if that woman has managed to make herself into a commodity. A sought after item. Sometimes in the social pecking scale it has more to do with how you are perceived than who you really are.

starang21 · #3 05-26-2004, 10:26 PM

i've noticed that a lot of the women who were the finest girls in high school didn't amount to too much because they were too busy being the pretty girls. the ones who had the natural beauty accompanied with the brains and were kinda nerdy were the ones who truly blossomed into the great catch.

KillarneyRose · #4 05-26-2004, 10:40 PM

I like that line, James about it being more about how you are perceived than how you actually are. And I definitely think that has some merit.

To take it to a slightly deeper level, how do you think people manage to make others perceive them in a certain way if, if fact, they aren't actually that way?

PM_Mama00 · #5 05-26-2004, 10:41 PM

Well, alot of those girls that I went to high school with are still friends with each other, but still backstabbing each other.

One of them, who kinda "stole" my best friend (ok manipulated her to stop talking to me) got pregnant before our 2nd year of college and had to drop out and come home. Boohooo.

And I kinda think, like the quote in my profile... if someone goes around talking about how hot shit they are, or how pretty they are and whatnot, I really don't think that's beautiful. Cockiness isn't beautiful. If I was a guy, I'd take modesty over too much confidence any day.

starang21 · #6 05-26-2004, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by PM_Mama00
Well, alot of those girls that I went to high school with are still friends with each other, but still backstabbing each other.

One of them, who kinda "stole" my best friend (ok manipulated her to stop talking to me) got pregnant before our 2nd year of college and had to drop out and come home. Boohooo.

And I kinda think, like the quote in my profile... if someone goes around talking about how hot shit they are, or how pretty they are and whatnot, I really don't think that's beautiful. Cockiness isn't beautiful. If I was a guy, I'd take modesty over too much confidence any day.

i agree with your quote.

James · #7 05-26-2004, 11:01 PM

A lot of that is body language, tone of voice, dress, and a certain "air" they give off.

For example, you can tell confidence on a person, it shows. Same with natural leaders.

But on another level: The definition of a leader is someone who has followers.

So in a sense, the only thing you need to be popular is to convince a group of people to like you.

Oooh ooh, I thought of a cool example. Did y'all see American Pie? Where Finch pays the girl to say he slept with her and give a good eview . .. and suddenly he was popular?

Or the movie, Can't Buy me Love, where he pays the girl to date him and suddenly is popular? Changed eveyrone's perception .. .

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
Snip . . . .

To take it to a slightly deeper level, how do you think people manage to make others perceive them in a certain way if, if fact, they aren't actually that way?

AchtungBaby80 · #8 05-26-2004, 11:27 PM

If you've got it going on, people are going to look at you more favorably. The better-dressed, better-groomed, and better-behaved you are, the more attractive you will seem even if you really aren't "beautiful."

High school is a mystery, though. Most of the "fine" girls at my school really were quite cute, but there were one or two who were NOT "fine" by any stretch of the imagination and I always wondered how they managed to convince people that they were hot. It confounds me to this day.

cuaphi · #9 05-26-2004, 11:41 PM

Funny I was just thinking about that yesterday too. I think what set it off was this MTV thing with a bunch of guys trying to be the prom date of one girl. She was very, very cute but not really a knockout. However all the guys were referring to her as 'the hottest girl in school.' This got me thinking about the prettiest girls in my high school and how they weren't even neccesarily in the A group but easily more beautiful than any of the girls who were.
I agree with everyone elses reasons why. Presentation is a huge part of how attractive you are perceived to be. Confidence and your peer group are other huge factors.

33girl · #10 05-27-2004, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
The second thing is my 11th grade yearbook. I hadn't opened it since my senior year in HS and was astounded to see that (many of) the girls that were considered to be the class beauties really weren't all that outstanding in the looks department while I saw pictures of girls that pretty much kept to themselves who were, in fact, beautiful. My friend who was reading with me suggested it was all a matter of the girls who were considered beautiful believing so much in their looks that they kind of swept up everyone else in the delusion (think "Emperor's New Clothes")

Oh my GOD yes....I forget who I was talking about this with, but I look at the girls who were supposedly "top of the heap" in my class..one, in particular (the head cheerleader) wasn't ugly, but she was FAR from being beautiful. I think part of it was her dad owned a gym. She got very used to talking to all the guys who came there, and was very confident because of it. And incidentally, she was a crappy cheerleader IMO.

Also, (I think this is particularly true in small towns) if your brother or sister was popular, it often trickled down to you, whether you deserved it or not. The above named girl's best friend looked like a rat. Her sister was gorgeous, however....and it trickled down, and guys thought she was hot.

But getting out of high school, there's a difference between being confident and being OVERconfident. I think if you're confident, you're enjoying being you and don't care if anyone else does, and if you're OVERconfident, you demand that everyone else appreciate you.

XOMichelle · #11 05-27-2004, 11:11 AM

I think being well groomed, well dressed and being confident CAN make you beautiful even if god gave you a big snout or a somewhat plain face, etc. This isn't entirely about people "pretending" they are hot stuff, but it's about taking what you have and bringing out what is beautiful in it. Since there is such a wide variety of looks that can appleal to people, why not be confident if you look your best?

Think of the makeover shows on TLC. They take people who have made not so good choices in grooming, and help them find what looks best for them. Inevitably, they look 10 times better when they have a hairstyle that fits, clothes that fit, and a look that is more up to date than they had before.

I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to look good. It's annoying to have an attitude about it, yes. If you think you are gods gift to this earth, I will have a problem with you no matter how cute you are! But, if you work hard to take care of yourself, there's no harm in being proud of that.

Rudey · #12 05-27-2004, 11:33 AM

Paris is absolutely drop dead gorgeous to me. It's not all about looks.

-Rudey
--It's not all about having an ego either

ilovemyglo · #13 05-27-2004, 12:33 PM

Strange reading this but it made me think-
my friends are all attractive. Not stop a car to stare hot, but attractive, well groomed and such. One of the girls was mentioning the other day that feels ugly compared to some of our other friends (and me).
I put it out there for her- the girls that she thinks are so pretty are really just proud of themselves and carry themselves with confidence. I don't think I am the shit, I know I am not. There are girls I see all the time that I think "How beautiful! God knew what he was doing". But they hate the way they look and always talk about how ugly this is or how they want to lose 5 more pounds. That makes them unattractive.

People that like themselves and are happy with who they are (not in love with themselves and thinking they are the shit) are usually way more attractive than people that berate themselves.

Guys are the same way. I know a really hot guy- I mean HOT! He does stop traffice! HOT! But he is always complaining how he isn't built well enough, he wishes his arms were bigger, his pecs, or how he wishes he didn't have hair places... I am thinking, You are so hot! But he did that a few times around me and he is ugly. I can't even tell him he is cute, because all he does is say "well, this could be better or that" and I think SHUT UP!

Perception is the key, but it has to do with self perception as much as the perception of the group. IMO