So I just had my heart ripped out of my chest...

_Lisa_ · #1 05-25-2004, 03:22 PM

Not really, but I feel like it. I knew this was coming, I mean hell-I've partly wanted it to happen myself anyway. There was just nothing there anymore & it makes you wonder if maybe there wasn't ever anything there.

I feel sick, I've been going to sleep early for the past few nights so that I don't have to think about him. Last night I was in bed by 7:30, I wish I could get to sleep earlier. I want to accomplish things that I've been putting off now that I'll have all this free time. Saving money, working out, reading more books, playing some more video games, spending more time by myself. But for now, I already feel so lonely. And it breaks my heart.

James · #2 05-25-2004, 04:11 PM

Its a process. You just have to wait it out. If you observe the no-contact rule its a lot easier.

swissmiss04 · #3 05-25-2004, 06:26 PM

Cosign what James said. Also, no matter who does the breaking up or how it goes, it's not going to be nice. You are not going to feel good. But don't let it stop you from doing anything. Just try to be as normal as is possible. Things won't always feel like this.

Queencece · #4 05-25-2004, 06:33 PM

Take yourself out and get a mani, pedi, and facial. Bring out the new you thats waiting to emerge. That may help you feel better, however, the emotional part will take some time.

Keep yourself busy though. That will make things move a tad bit faster.

Q

James · #5 05-25-2004, 07:45 PM

And cut your hair really short also, thats what a lot of women do isn't it? Or dye it?

Quote:

Originally posted by Queencece
Take yourself out and get a mani, pedi, and facial. Bring out the new you thats waiting to emerge. That may help you feel better, however, the emotional part will take some time.

Keep yourself busy though. That will make things move a tad bit faster.

Q

aephi alum · #6 05-25-2004, 07:56 PM

Sorry to hear it.

Take care of yourself. Keep busy... don't forget to eat... spend time with your friends. You will survive.

James · #7 05-25-2004, 08:22 PM

Valium and sleep aids make it easier also . .

AlethiaSi · #8 05-25-2004, 08:35 PM

awww baby! yea i read a little bit in your journal- i'm so sorry

but like other people said, try to focus on yourself for a bit, relax and go out with friends and things like that. One thing i find really helps is to write a letter to him but don't give it to him kind of thing- where you just get all your hurt and anger out- as if you were talking to him.

Also, I found this visualization trick to really help too. Focus on a situation where things were really good between you guys and then try to look at the situation from another perspective- another person watching you so to speak. Then, try to drain all the color out of the picture, with only black and white shading (its hard to do- but it helps) this visualization exercise helps to seperate you from the situation and then to look at it from another perspective so you can begin to disassociate yourself from those feelings. Also, try to do the exercise with a situation where things were bad too because when its all over, its easier to focus on when things were good so you miss him, but focusing on when things weren't so good and then distancing yourself from it helps too.

i hope it helps but time will pass and things will be ok... keep your head up girl

~maggie

SmartBlondeGPhB · #9 05-25-2004, 11:51 PM

Been there, done that and still hurting from it. But unlike you, I didn't see it coming.

Just cry, yell, scream, do whatever you need to do. I was sick for three days when it happened to me a few weeks ago.

Just remember, men are scum..........lol

sororitygirl2 · #10 05-26-2004, 02:13 AM

1) Definitely - most def - no contact! This means not even driving by his house or looking at pictures of you two. Do not call him until you do not feel a desire to talk to him. At that point, maybe you can be friends.
2) Do all the things you like that he didn't - for instance, my ex didn't like dressing up to go out, so we often ended up at dives, but now I am enjoying my favorite martini/wine bars again (with the occasional dive, because I like them - in moderation). Revel in your ability to do so.
3) Lead a healthy lifestyle - eat right and exercise. It will keep your energy level high and release endorphins.
4) Treat yourself and look f-ing hot whenever you go out. Shallow, but the male attention and your newfound opportunity to bathe in it will be refreshing and boost your confidence.
5) Spend lots and lots of time with your friends... they have always been there for you and will do so now.
6) Join clubs, volunteer and meet new people. It will remind you how fun and interesting you are. You are so much more than his girlfriend.
7) Try not to overanalyze (I know it's hard for us girls). You can't explain what happened and you can't change the past, you just have to accept it.
8) Don't get mad at yourself if you have setbacks and don't be afraid to be a little sad... it takes time.

I'm doing all these things right now and LOVING every minute lately. It took awhile, but it gets better! Good luck!

UKDaisy · #11 05-26-2004, 03:30 AM

Co-sign on everything that has been said so far. Especially, the sleep-aids and no contact. Emotional heartbreak is a killer! But just remember that you, although sometimes it may not seem like it, are stronger than this. You can overcome this, and move on. And as my best friend says, "this relationship taught you a lot about you as a person and what you want in a guy. be thankful that you know this and can move on to someone more compatible(sp?) now" It may hurt to read the move on part.... but I promise it will be okay.

Plus, I'm in Lexington - so give me a "holler" and we live it up at Two Keys.

That will make you feel better, Two Keys men....lol

_Lisa_ · #12 05-26-2004, 07:26 AM

Thanks for all of the advice you all, I already feel better today having slept a little bit. It does feel good to know that I don't have to worry about him anymore-before I was constantly worried about what he was thinking or what was going through his mind or what he needs or what he wants, etc. Its like a huge weight has shifted off my shoulders (landsliding into my emotions) but I do feel better.

I wish I didn't have to see him, but we work together. We practically park right next to each other. I see him in the cafeteria for breakfast & lunch so its pretty hard to avoid him. But, we did get some rational talking in amidst everything else that was said yesterday & I think I'll be okay seeing him @ work or out & about (he rarely goes out unless he is playing @ a Club somewhere), just not anymore than that.

Quote:

Originally posted by UKDaisy
Plus, I'm in Lexington - so give me a "holler" and we live it up at Two Keys. That will make you feel better, Two Keys men....lol

Maybe not Two Keys-his roommate is one of the bartenders...

He never goes there though & I've always wanted to see Chad @ work! Maybe we should go! I prefer Caddyshack's because my best friend works there & the food is good. But the rednecks are aplenty.

cashmoney · #13 05-26-2004, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by crzychx
Not really, but I feel like it. I knew this was coming, I mean hell-I've partly wanted it to happen myself anyway. There was just nothing there anymore & it makes you wonder if maybe there wasn't ever anything there.

I feel sick, I've been going to sleep early for the past few nights so that I don't have to think about him. Last night I was in bed by 7:30, I wish I could get to sleep earlier. I want to accomplish things that I've been putting off now that I'll have all this free time. Saving money, working out, reading more books, playing some more video games, spending more time by myself. But for now, I already feel so lonely. And it breaks my heart.

I'm sorry to hear this, I'm sure it's a lot to swallow right. But it'll all pass. First you'll forget the smell of his hair and the exact color of his eyes, then you'll forget the exact tone of his voice and shade of his skin. And then one day you'll wake up and only have a name of a person you once knew. Its a hard process to go through but it'll make you a stronger person in the end. Go work out a lot, it'll help.

Cash

ADPiAkron · #14 05-26-2004, 11:47 AM

The way I got through this was couseling. I dated a guy for 2 1/2 years when he broke up with me for an ADPi PNM!! If you have insurance to cover this...go! It is so wonderful to talk to a non-biased individual!! I went at school for free and it was the best thing I could have done...I waited a little to long to go (over a year)...but it worked in the long run!!! And no- I am not crazy!!!

PS: The woman ended up becoming an ADPi and after they broke up her and I ended up being friends! She ended up marrying one of his fraternity brothers! haha

sororitygirl2 · #15 05-26-2004, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cashmoney
I'm sorry to hear this, I'm sure it's a lot to swallow right. But it'll all pass. First you'll forget the smell of his hair and the exact color of his eyes, then you'll forget the exact tone of his voice and shade of his skin. And then one day you'll wake up and only have a name of a person you once knew. Its a hard process to go through but it'll make you a stronger person in the end. Go work out a lot, it'll help.

Cash

What a sad thing to say, but very true. Soon you will forget those details, they will become nothing more than a shadow in the back of your mind that will come up from time to time when something - a familiar smell, sound, whatever reminds you. And on a happy note, I tend to find that what is left in my consciousness in the very end is only the good memories... for me anyway. The bad memories become insignificant and just remind you of the foolishness of your youth.