Able to keep my gf and join a frat?

Hey,
Im considering joining a frat here, but my girlfriend of over a year is really against it. She thinks she'll worry too much and that frat guys will frown upon me keeping up the relationship. I am pretty sure I want to join, but I don't want to lose her - any ideas?

[ManndingoNUPE]

Been there done that. Do what you have to man. If it is ment for you to be with this woman, then the two of you will be together, and you will work through the adversity that being in a frat brings to a relationship. In some ways it puts you at a disadvantage becuase you will now have part of your time taken up by an entity that she already views as hostile, and believe me, there will be fights about your time, where you going, where you been, when you getting back, who you with, (forgive me, I am having flashbacks). Make sure that she and you are secure in your relationship and how you feel about each other. That will help with about 1/25 of the arguments that you will have.

Two questions that you should ask yourself are:

Is being in a frat worth you loosing her, but on the flip side, do you want to be with a woman who doesn't want you to follow your heart?

I am pretty sure that she loves you, and it is quite apparent that you love her. Try to explain to her that this is something that you really want to do, and I would hope that she would respect that.

If not, then that is a decision that you will have to make. But as someone who was in that same position, I had to do what I had to do.

Good luck, and I hope things work out for you.

Peace and Luv

MN

Perhaps you could stress to her that the fraternity is a lifetime membership, and that it would be to your benefit, as you could make professional networking contacts, etc.

If you and said girlfriend were to get married to each other, every little bit helps for networking, getting your career path on the right track, etc. Most women like to see their men succeed, and if you can show her that there are long-ranging professional benefits, as well as social ones, she might just change her mind.

[Texas Alum]

PurdueUGuy - please excuse me if I am out of line here... but I think these are questions that you and your GF need to be asking one another:

- in other similar situations like this that I personally have encountered, the GF's negative perspective was based on her impression that the fraternity would encourage the man to be single, and to date a lot of different girls, and to ...ahem... get lucky as often as possible at all the drunken parties that lie in store.

You are either that guy, or you aren't. If you are that guy, then you will be tempted to cheat on her whether you join the org. or not. If you are not that guy, then you should go out of your way to let her know that you are going to respect your relationship. The fraternity itself will not do anything to make you jeopardize your relationship. If, after you join, you find out that they DO, then you need to haul @ss... this is a group of men whose ideals and goals are not of the highest order.

- another possibility: if your GF is not part of a GLO, then she might resent a few things-
1) the time that is required of you from the org., which is time you won't be able to spend with her (SOLUTION: you will have to MAKE time for her and the org. ...which means creating a realistic time schedule, considering your academic pursuits also, and then sticking to it).

2) all the new people that will be a part of your life and not hers... and if she resents these, then this is a personal issue, and you should encourage her to get involved on campus in her own clubs and activities.

The poet Kahlil Gibran said "let there be spaces in our togetherness..."

sometimes you will find the most strength in your relationship when you are confident in your own solitary pursuits.

These are just random thoughts! hope they help you in some way...