Pregnant Prospective Members?

TheEpitome1920 · #1 04-20-2004, 10:51 PM

If you were, or currently are, an undergrad woould you extend membership to a pregnant woman or a woman who had very young child(ren).

Tippiechick · #2 04-20-2004, 11:01 PM

No.

As a pregnant woman myself, I know that had I not been already married and an alum, I would have never been able to meet all of the demands sorority life places upon its members. I believe for the most part, it would be too taxing on most women for them to be in school, trying to take care of themselves and the baby, AND making sure to make it to the homecoming events, etc.

As far as a woman with very small kids? I'm iffy on this one. I personally believe that a woman's first responsibility belongs to her family/children, etc. I think it would be a disservice to her children if a sorority began to take priority over them. I'm sure there are women that could do it, but my personal opinion is no.

valkyrie · #3 04-20-2004, 11:22 PM

I think with an NPC group it would probably be difficult to have an undergraduate member with children, especially if there is a live-in requirement.

ADPiShannan · #4 04-21-2004, 12:13 AM

ADPi does not place any restrictions on it. We would take people who are married, have children, etc we are open to all. Im speaking for my chapter of Beta Tau. A very close friend of mine who was in my pledge class had a child. She was a senior in high school and enrolled in college in the program where you take college classes but are still in HS. She went through recruitment and we gave her a bid. She was also valadictorian of her class after she joined ADPi. Her bf and her had a baby when they were 16. They are now married and I believe now have another child as well. She was an awesome sister. True she couldnt be there for everything, but she did the best she could. She came a lot more than some members who just slack and never come to anything but arent busy. She is also a wonderful mother. Her family and his family were amazing and would look after her while they were in school or while they had other things going on. She never left the baby or neglected the baby, but she was able to still have friends and join a sorority. Her husband joined a fraternity as well. I think she graduated top of her college nursing class as well. We were very understanding of her situation and never made her come to thing if she didnt have the time. We knew family came first and we wanted her to still have us and a family. I think she did an amazing job of doing both.

So yes we would take someone who had a child. To be honest, she was the only one I knew of while I was active that we took, but all the same, we dont pass judgement on that.

I agree it would seem they have no time with school or work and taking care of a baby, but she had an amazing family who wanted to help and let her get out and still be active while taking care of her baby. I always have looked up to her. She is a great person and Im so glad to call her one of my sisters and one of the girls I came in with and was initiated with.

ambición6 · #5 04-21-2004, 12:33 AM

If they were pregnant while trying to pledge, I would say no. Her first focus should be on taking care of herself and her baby. Being pregnant is hard enough without having to add on additional stress from school , work, and pledging. Now, if she already had the baby and came out to try to pledge again, then thats different and I would not care. Many of our members have kids, are married, etc. and they are wonderful members.

mommag2 · #6 04-21-2004, 12:40 AM

I have a 2yr old child and am an active member of my sorority.

Granted my brother does live with me and he takes care of Mary-Kathryn when I have to go to meetings or have overnight bonding with my sisters.

It is hard, but my sisters knew before I became a pledge that I did have a child and that if my sorority started to cut into time with my child then I would choose to go on inactive status, which thank God I never had to do. The girls are very understanding about my situation and have engouraged me to take her to rush events, fundraising, and even community service events (like relay for life) that are not too overwhelming.

It can be done and my sorority would never turn a girl away from plegding just because she has a child.

Mommag

insolita · #7 04-21-2004, 12:41 AM

If I thought she would make a good sister and mesh well with the house, and she thought she could handle it (and I'm assuming that since this hypothetical woman is either going through FR or COR and thus has an inkling of what she's getting herself into) then yes, absolutely.

I would, however, think twice before nominating her for a leadership position. Having a child is a heavy responsibility, and I would hate to feel like I was taking time away from her child by asking her to take on an extra burden.

chideltjen · #8 04-21-2004, 01:27 AM

If the perspective was pregnant... i'd say no. she would have enough stress with trying to go to class and keep her health in check.

i wouldn't nix a mother from pledging only because i would hate to be judgemental and not ever let her have a chance. but i've seen mothers get initiated and then drop in the past because they're priorities change.

adpiucf · #9 04-21-2004, 01:28 AM

A woman who is pregnant or has children has greater priorities to focus on, and I don't think the collegiate sorority experience would be an appropriate activity.

AGDee · #10 04-21-2004, 06:49 AM

I am aware of at least one case where a member had a young child. It was a little distracting when she came to the Executive Council meeting, but the woman was amazing and a very active member. When you have a child, your priorities DO change, but your life doesn't stop either. In this situation, the woman was at a commuter school and lived at home with her parents who babysat a lot. There are some schools where we have to be more open minded in taking older students, non-traditional students, etc or we wouldn't have sororities.

I think any woman should be evaluated on her own situation... it's too hard to generalize here.

Dee

MooseGirl · #11 04-21-2004, 10:18 AM

I'm not sure about pregnant - If she wanted to join and understood the commitment, then we wouldn't discriminate against her - we just want to make she she understands all obligations.

we did have one woman with a young child (less than a year)attend many of our informal recruitment events. We were going to bid her, but after talking with some members more, she decided it would be too much for her at the moment (I think her husband wasn't approving either).

nyrdrms · #12 04-21-2004, 11:05 AM

We had a woman who pledged in the Spring of 2002 who was married and pregnant. She was a wonderful sister, and she still comes out to support the chapter and the sisters just adore her little girl. As far as the living situation goes, we don't have houses so that wasn't a problem. She was fully aware of her obligations to her growing family, schoolwork, and sorority and had no problems with any of it...she had a healthy baby and graduated on time. I think if a pregnant woman (or one with a child) understands the obsticles that she would face because of her prior committments and is willing to devote a portion of her time to the sorority, then there's no reason she should be excluded. But it also depends on the structure of the specific organization at the school she attends as well. My school seems to be laid back in some regards to other schools and that has an affect on the amount of time required. I know that we have a rule that states a sister who becomes pregnant can take alumna status, but it's not required for her to do so. Extending a bid to a PNM who is pregnant or a mother just seems to be a different spin on that decision.

SigK_Bama · #13 04-21-2004, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by adpiucf
A woman who is pregnant or has children has greater priorities to focus on, and I don't think the collegiate sorority experience would be an appropriate activity.

Ditto, ditto, and ditto. Did I say ditto?

TheEpitome1920 · #14 04-21-2004, 11:15 AM

I'm kinda torn on the subject. I know a woman who went through intake who was married with 3 small children. And she came through an undergraduate chapter. How she did it...I dunno.

A part of me agrees that she should be focusing on her family but then its like saying a woman can't balance.

Or that she doesn't have her priorities in order. I dunno...

Speechpath · #15 04-21-2004, 11:45 AM

I think it can depend on the situation. I had a pledge sister who had a young child who was cared for by her mother while she was in school. She spoke of him often and seemed very involved with him and was very involved in the sorority as well. Also had a sister get pregnant while in school (she was not married) who went alum before the baby was born.

I would imagine it hard to focus on sorority life with a young child or an upcoming birth but some people seem to do it just fine.