Just wondering if this is normal...

[lilcatwngs]

Hey ladies, I was just initiated this spring and every night when I go to bed I still feel lonely. Even though I'm on the hall, I don't really feel a part of things. This week is Greek Week and I've tried so hard to volunteer for everything I can and show up to everything but it's like I'm invisible. I don't really feel close to any of the sisters beyond a "hey, how are you" in the hall. I'm not big on partying and I feel like the only way that I can bond with them is by going out. I went to the bball game tonight ready to play and didn't get to go in at all. Everyone else got to play. And believe me, I let them know that I wanted to go in and support ADpi. It's the same with lipsync, softball, and bullriding. Nobody acts like they want to do it and I keep volunteering but they always end up giving it to another sister. I sit in my room on the computer most of the time it seems or run errands by myself. I see the girls always laying out together or going shopping but it seems like whenever I ask, nobody wants to go. Wow, I sound like a huge loser. I'm sorry ladies, but I just read about the bonds and I want that so bad and I don't know what else to do. I just feel so alone and I hate that. I feel like I try so hard and no one cares or wants me here. We were learning about MS and I feel like if I had gone through formal recruitment I wouldn't have gotten a bid. They found out that I have a history with an eating disorder and the advisors tried to keep me from getting initiated. Now I'm under constant scrutiny for that and I just feel like if I ever act sad, I'll get in trouble. Anyways, thanks for reading this and any advise you have would be great. I try to come here as much as possible but I have a huge project due Thurs so I'll try to check back as much as possible. Hugs, Katie

[ASUADPi]

Katie,
You know I love ya right?

Since I know a bit more of the situation than most of the other sisters, have you sat down and talked to the sisters about your eating disorder? I know it might be seriously uncomfortable for you to do, but I think you should.

I wish I had some great words of wisdom to you.

I promise to give you a big hug when I meet you in June. We are still meeting right?

If you need anything please email me sweetie.

[lilcatwngs]

Of course we are still meeting! I'm planning on it. I've talked with some of the sisters and a few of them have had issues of their own so it's not the eating disorder that is alienating me. It's just adding to it, knowing that the advisors didn't want me to be initiated yet, just on probation. Part of it could also be the fact that I am thinking about transferring in the fall. I'm scared to say anything definite because I feel like they would be mad. Thanks for your support. Hugs, Katie

[polarpi]

((((((((Katie))))))))))

I haven't met you, but I already love you so much! I wish I had the *perfect* words of wisdom to share with you. The only thing I can possibly think of is maybe you're at a "larger" chapter than some of us have come from. My chapter at its largest was around 40 women, which made it pretty easy to connect with one another. My Alpha class that I initiated with was the largest our chapter had had since we were chartered, and that was a total of 11 women, many of whom I wound up graduating with (a few of the girls a year behind me graduated early). Is there any one or two special sisters that you *really* feel close to? Maybe sitting down and talking with them about your concerns and your frustration may help. Always remember that we're here for you whenever you want to talk....you can always PM me if you need to vent or just need a shoulder to cry on, because I know how important that is to have.

I admire you and applaud you for everything you have done and experienced in life, and I'm so glad to have you as a sister!

L&L,
Jennie

[lyrica9]

katie-
i know how you feel about the being left out. i kind of don't feel like my alpha class really likes me, and i never get invited to things that aren't required for the sorority unless it's something everyone is getting invited to usually.
but don't worry. i found a few girls who came in before me, and now some that have come in after me that are really awesome and that i click with much better. i'm the "weird" one, but i have fun with it.
good luck!
Plove, katy

Katie, if your chapter is as large as it seems, there is bound to be someone else in there who is also feeling lost and alone. I would honestly find one person who seems friendly and approachable and befriend them. Your sisters WILL be there for you, no matter what, if not in your chapter, here anyway. I wish I had perfect advice for you, but all I can say is keep at it. I guarantee you that you have made an impression on somebody in that chapter. You are known to somebody as a persistant one who is willing to give it her all no matter what situation. If you don't feel like partying, then don't. On Friday night, go down the hall and find someone who is still in and see if they want to go catch some coffee or a movie or something. Talk to sisters you don't know and ask about them personally. Hey Sarah, how is it going in your biology class? I heard it was really hard. I'm sorry that it has to be this way, that you have to make such an extra effort, but it will be worth it. You can do it, and you know why? Because you are an ADPi and that means that you are an amazing young woman with sooooo much to offer and you are a blessing to your chapter. Good luck and I will be thinking about you.
Shannon
Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig hug
pi love and mine!

[skerbow]

Katie i have to agree with everyone here.

But one thing in your message i need to set clear...Regardless of whether or not you think you would have been selected during formal recruitment, YOU WERE SELECTED and INITIATED into ADPI. Which means, bottom line, this is where you belong. You have just as much a right to wear our letters and speak your mind and attend our functions as any girl. MSS is hard to understand. It was never one of my favorite things. I, too, feel that I might not have been chosen to be an adpi if I had gone through FR. But then I remember that FR and SR are very different. And the ladies who bid me knew what they were doing. ADPi is known for diversity and, Katie, you are a piece of that!

I will be doing another round of GC Diamond sisters soon. I hope you will be a part of that. In the mean, have you talked to your diamond sister? Have you taken a diamond sister? It is amazing how things change when you taken one of your own. Stick it out sister, we are all very proud to share our sisterhood and diamond badge with such a wonderful lady!

BTW: What school do you attend? Maybe more of us can meet you this summer.

[ASUADPi]

Sherra, I'm so glad to hear that you are planning to do GC diamonds again. Count me in.

Sherra, I Pm'd you sweetie.

[TN-TX ADPi]

Katie,
I know what you mean... I was the oldest in my alpha class and I lived off campus in an apartment while most of the other girls lived in the dorm. I never felt like I really got close to anyone. But I still enjoyed it, and I know if I ever needed anything I could call a sister. I am really trying to stay involved as an alumna. Just hang in there- try to talk to different sisters. I can almost guarantee there are other girls who feel the same way. And, like others on GC have said, you can always turn to us!
Love and loyally,
Emalee

[honeychile]

Katie, when I pledged, most of my friends were Seniors. When I returned in the Fall, I felt sooo lost! I learned to "re-rush" the sisters, and remember what had endeared Alpha Delta Pi to me in the first place. If you're allowed kitchen privileges, bake some cookies. Better yet, ask a couple sisters to bake them with you! Or offer to share a facial or hair painting kit with someone.

In other words, start that transition to being real friends! My mama always said, "To make a friend, you have to be a friend." (She's full of these mommalies!) Start with one or two sisters, and watch how quickly you'll become "Miss Congeniality"!

Btw, it will be excellent training for when you're recruiting!

[WLFEO]

Here are some hugs for you
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Katie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I hate the feeling of being all alone in a crowd!!! I distinctly remember a group I was in during college through the Baptist Student Union that I felt so left out even when I volunteered, went on retreats with them, etc. So finally I ended up deciding my self-esteem and mental health was worth more and I got out of it. I'm not sure anyone noticed I was gone. Not that I'm recommending you get out of ADPi, but just to let you know most of us have flet that way at one point or another.

Does your chapter have fall recruitment? That is always a bonding time because you are all working together toward a common goal. Also, will you be getting a diamond sister in the fall who is an Alpha? If so, maybe that will be your chance to make that special friend you're needing.

Hang in there, we love you!

L&L,
WLFEO
WeLiveForEachOther

[lilcatwngs]

It's sisters like you that remind me why I chose ADPi. There is nowhere else that I could get so many people who care about me and accept me the way you girls do. I love the "mommalies" that you ladies give because it's the same things my mom says and sometimes I just need to hear it again. What's ironic is that my big diamond sister has the same issues exactly. She is hardly ever here because she doesn't really feel close to anyone. Her big diamond and her don't even talk! We do spend time together and we talk but she's hardly here. I am going to keep doing what I've been doing and also start using some of your suggestions because they are great! I have bad days and moments but I know that they will pass and especially if I turn to my sisters. I love you all! Hugs, Katie

[ASUADPi]

LOVE YA KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


BIG HUGS FROM BRI!!!!!!!!

[adpi1030787]

Katie,
Hi, my name is Brandi. I kind of USED to know how you feel. When I first pledged, I felt the same way. I wasn't from around the area and I didn't know anyone there. One day, I invited one of my alpha sisters to go on a road trip with me. Recantly, she came, and she is now one of my very best friends in the whole wide world. After her and I bonded (she had the same problem) it was easier to feel more accepted with the group. After that both of us became very close to many of the other sisters. Sometimes, you have to just put your self out there and invite yourself. It is hard to invite everyone to go places, and I come from a small chapter. So, try to talk to one person. The next time you see a bunch of them hanging out in someone'e room, etc. jump on the bed and join in. If it doesn't get any better, talk to either the NMC and tell her how you feel. Part of her job are to make sure you don't feel isolated. I know when I was NMC, there were questions on the test each week about the relationship with your diamond sister and your pride. Hope this could be of some help and that things get better for you.

TT love,
Brandi

[lyrica9]

just wanted to add an update to what i put earlier.
i said that i too feel a little out of place, and like my alpha class doesn't really like me, but i was genuinely suprised last night. girls that i went through with that i thought didn't really like me were asking me questions about stuff i didn't even realise they knew about me, and invited me to hang out with them and watch movies last night.

so i guess the moral of the story is they might care/know more than they let on.
good luck, again!