How To Be A Good Democrat & Republican

[moe.ron]

I do not know if this has been posted. If it has, so what, I'm posting it again.

To Be A Good Democrat

1. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese & North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression, and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E.Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and really a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

21. You have to believe that this list is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

To Be A Good Republican

1. You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that yesterday's gas prices are all Bill Clinton's fault.

2. You have to despise government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.

3. You have to believe that government should stay out of peoples' lives, yet you want government to regulate same-sex marriages, ending or not ending pregnancies, and what official language should be spoken by you.

4. You have to believe that pollution is okay, so long as it makes a profit. It is even better if it's in another state.

5. You have to sponsor prayer in public schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

6. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

7. You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multinational corporations should have no regulations or interference.

8. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and you'recertain that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, labor unions, and Hillary Clinton.

9. You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Allan Keyes.

10. You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million to attack Clinton because no other US Presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.

11. You have to declare that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans, even children and felons.

12. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools
because, of course, if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

13. You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because it defends the Constitution, while the NRA is good because it defends the Constitution.

14. You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to
deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.

15. You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading at any age.

16. You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.

17. You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for 5,000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.

18. You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth US forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.

19. You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt
Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital
infidelities, but that that bastard Bill Clinton should never be
forgiven.

20. You have to believe that George W. Bush REALLY won this election.

I know the democrat one has been posted, as i was slammed for plagerism after posting it and it was promptly deleted.

Kitso
KS 361

[moe.ron]

You didn't have

'

between the list. I'm the viceroy.

HAHAHAHAHA

[enlightenment06]

I love #9 on the republican list