Where is a good place for me to meet guys?

absolutuscchick · #1 02-10-2004, 04:51 AM

Ok, so its happening. All but one of my formerly single and fabulous friends have coupled up, and are in serious relationships. And I'm still single, waiting to find a cute, honest, intelligent boy who actually has VALUES AKA someone I could see myself marrying.....and its not like I don't date (trust me I do), but seriously I feel like no one I date is looking for more than JUST sex or to be at all commited. So, I've started to wonder, is it WHERE I meet the guys that's the problem?? I often meet guys just when I'm out and about...parties, bars/restaurants, etc.
And I've recently started going to Chabad, hoping in part that I can find a nice jewish guy...since thats where alot of my friends met their boyfriends. I would love to meet guys in classes (because those guys always work out sooo much better!) BUT I'm taking the semester off. And I can't meet men at work, because I work at, of all places, a lingerie store. All we get in are guys buying stuff for wifes/girlfriends etc. and the occasional guy who just comes in to hit on the girls that work there (and their pick up lines are ALWAYS hilarious!).
Anyhow, any suggestions for me??

decadence · #2 02-10-2004, 05:44 AM

Marrying? Ack what's the hurry with that these days!
Ok well, my thoughts after your posts are that it's not it where you meet the guys that's the problem per se. One thing people tend to do is put lots of effort into meeting people in a very small amount of places and then lament how they never meet anyone. So they'll go to bars and a gym for example. Another thing to bear in mind - like the film Coming to America said is that people you meet in bars or clubs are less likely to have gone there in search of a long term partner or be open to doing so. Also, it's been discussed here before (on the HBGLO forums as I recall) that many people at college tend to date less and it is a hookup or short term relationship culture. Which, isn't what you want to hear but I mention along the way to convey your experience isn't unusual and you're not an odd one out.
One thing to focus on is to widen the type of places you go to - going to Chabad is a good step (thanks to GC I now know what it is! :->) in that direction. Though it sounds patronising try to concentrate on enjoying the things you do rather than working to find a relationship in these places: people are attracted to people having a good time. You come across as really pleasant on the boards at least so I'm sure you'll do well.
So er yes, suggestions. Well don't be afraid of going to lots of places - gym, Publik

, curricular/extracurricular college stuff (when yr back I guess), Chabad etc. The issue of only seeing yourself with a Jewish person is a whole other thread but also remember you might meet someone really great who's disabled in the fact they aren't Jewish

. But they might be able to introduce you to someone who is.

at the fact single guys go into the lingerie store to perv on the sales assistants.

alikat2 · #3 02-10-2004, 11:16 AM

One thing I have learned: Don't go to bars/clubs looking to find someone who wants a relationship. The majority of guys there are just looking to have fun or get a piece of a$$. I go out to have a good time, but I really have no interest in dating anyone I meet in a nightclub, ESPECIALLY if I am inebriated at the time

This obviously won't be a problem for you since you apparently work with all or mostly women, but be very careful about dating anyone you work with. That can get tricky.

Have you ever asked any of your friends to set you up? They know you well, know your interests well, and might be able to recommend a nice boy that matches your personality and interestes

Good luck!!

mu_agd · #4 02-10-2004, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by alikat2
One thing I have learned: Don't go to bars/clubs looking to find someone who wants a relationship. The majority of guys there are just looking to have fun or get a piece of a$$. I go out to have a good time, but I really have no interest in dating anyone I meet in a nightclub, ESPECIALLY if I am inebriated at the time

not necessarily true.. my parents met in a bar and my sister and her husband met in a bar. you just need to be careful of who you meet there, but there is definitely potential.

Kevlar281 · #5 02-10-2004, 12:29 PM

My parents met in a roller rink when my father asked my mother to skate during couples only skate. I doubt that’s the thing to do these days but I have had some family friends that have had dinner parties with the intention of bringing out single men and women to meet.

Rudey · #6 02-10-2004, 01:24 PM

Greekchat!

-Rudey
--Awesome!

madmax · #7 02-10-2004, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by absolutuscchick
Ok, so its happening. All but one of my formerly single and fabulous friends have coupled up, and are in serious relationships. And I'm still single, waiting to find a cute, honest, intelligent boy who actually has VALUES AKA someone I could see myself marrying.....and its not like I don't date (trust me I do), but seriously I feel like no one I date is looking for more than JUST sex or to be at all commited. So, I've started to wonder, is it WHERE I meet the guys that's the problem?? I often meet guys just when I'm out and about...parties, bars/restaurants, etc.
And I've recently started going to Chabad, hoping in part that I can find a nice jewish guy...since thats where alot of my friends met their boyfriends. I would love to meet guys in classes (because those guys always work out sooo much better!) BUT I'm taking the semester off. And I can't meet men at work, because I work at, of all places, a lingerie store. All we get in are guys buying stuff for wifes/girlfriends etc. and the occasional guy who just comes in to hit on the girls that work there (and their pick up lines are ALWAYS hilarious!).
Anyhow, any suggestions for me??

Why don't go out with the guys that hit on you at work?

decadence · #8 02-10-2004, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Why don't go out with the guys that hit on you at work?

She works at Victoria's Secret. I'm guessing single guys who hang around womens lingerie and underwear outlets making creepy comments don't make her heart race. Well not in a good way just in a call security now sorta way.

Dionysus · #9 02-10-2004, 04:18 PM

CHURCH

AXJules · #10 02-10-2004, 04:24 PM

OK here's the sucky thing about classes...
Yes, they give you an opportunity to talk to the person if they're a complete stranger (i.e. What was due today? or whatever) but A)asking enough of those makes you look retarded and b) what if they're on the other side of the room?? All my classes are split up into lil groups this semester....of course the few guys I would like to get to know virtually have no interaction w/my group just b/c of the way the class is set up.

And don't even suggest fishnets, there is just no good remedy to this type of situation.

decadence · #11 02-10-2004, 04:24 PM

All the answers are in the film Coming to America!
We thank you Eddie!

angelic1 · #12 02-10-2004, 04:33 PM

Bars arent that bad of a place to meet people.. well at least at school I dont think they are..

i just think its how you/them go about it. I met my current boy at a bar.. well he works there so I guess its kind of different and my friend met her current boy at the same bar.. we hung out that night.. then kept hanging out before it built up to anything...

but with meeting someone anywhere I really believe that it always happens when you arent really looking for someone.. well at least with me..

aurora_borealis · #13 02-10-2004, 07:13 PM

Rachel, I am going to try and say this in the nicest way possible, and if I anger you, shoot me a PM or IM.

You are twenty years old, you have plenty of time to meet people and get married. You aren't going to school for health reasons, and I have been there myself, it isn't easy. The best thing I can tell you is this: concentrate on getting to know YOU and less on finding someone. Sure we all like having someone special in our lives, but when it becomes an all consuming boy crazy fevor, it isn't healthy. I am happy that you are involved in Chabad and exploring your faith. There is no need for any man or woman to find someone to COMPLETE them, but to COMPLIMENT the person they are.

Sometimes when people are so hellbent on meeting someone and coupling up, it scares away potential mates. Just spend time doing things for yourself, work, enjoy Chabad, and when the right man comes along, you will know. It is better to be single and like who you are with happiness and loving friends and family; than to be with a man for the sake of being with a man. You have your whole life ahead of you, enjoy the time you have now when you can do anything you want.

#14 02-10-2004, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by aurora_borealis
Rachel, I am going to try and say this in the nicest way possible, and if I anger you, shoot me a PM or IM.

You are twenty years old, you have plenty of time to meet people and get married. You aren't going to school for health reasons, and I have been there myself, it isn't easy. The best thing I can tell you is this: concentrate on getting to know YOU and less on finding someone. Sure we all like having someone special in our lives, but when it becomes an all consuming boy crazy fevor, it isn't healthy. I am happy that you are involved in Chabad and exploring your faith. There is no need for any man or woman to find someone to COMPLETE them, but to COMPLIMENT the person they are.

Sometimes when people are so hellbent on meeting someone and coupling up, it scares away potential mates. Just spend time doing things for yourself, work, enjoy Chabad, and when the right man comes along, you will know. It is better to be single and like who you are with happiness and loving friends and family; than to be with a man for the sake of being with a man. You have your whole life ahead of you, enjoy the time you have now when you can do anything you want.

Thank you for putting it so eloquently because I know I couldn't!

I remember being 19-20 years old thinking that I needed a guy to complete me. I'd do everything that was possible to impress everyone else, totally neglecting my own happiness. I thought I needed a guy to make me happy. At the same time I was alienating myself from friends, family, and sisters.

I can't recall what made me do a complete 180, but I'm glad I got my act together -- my grades went up, I strengthened my relationship with friends and family, and I got to see the world. Guys came and went, but because I was focused on ME, it wasn't a big tragedy if things didn't work out.

Give yourself some ME time. You'll be glad that you did.

GeekyPenguin · #15 02-10-2004, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AXJules
OK here's the sucky thing about classes...
Yes, they give you an opportunity to talk to the person if they're a complete stranger (i.e. What was due today? or whatever) but A)asking enough of those makes you look retarded and b) what if they're on the other side of the room?? All my classes are split up into lil groups this semester....of course the few guys I would like to get to know virtually have no interaction w/my group just b/c of the way the class is set up.

And don't even suggest fishnets, there is just no good remedy to this type of situation.

Hmm...fishnets.

Meeting guys in class does suck. I have a huge crush on this guy in two of my classes, and we even study together, but I feel like we're totally stuck in the friend zone now.

Maybe you'll meet somebody at the grocery store?