Guys that are bad for you...

[SigKapSweetie]

I always swore this would never happen to me because I'm not one of those flaky girls that can't give up on a guy even though he's obviously not right for her, but here it is. I ran into an ex tonight, and I just can't get him out of my head. We drifted apart because I am WAY more academically motivated than he is, and his choices weren't meshing with mine. We kept trying to get back together, but we'd always just drift apart again. I'd like to end this cycle because it's not getting me anywhere, but we fit together so well! Has anyone else been in the position? What did you do? What should I do? I'm going crazy!

[James]

I think you should keep sleeping with him. I know if I were your Ex I would apreciate that and it would keep you in my thoughts. And also, who knows, I might even change for you one day . . . if you keep sleeping with me . . .

Originally posted by SigKapSweetie
I always swore this would never happen to me because I'm not one of those flaky girls that can't give up on a guy even though he's obviously not right for her, but here it is. I ran into an ex tonight, and I just can't get him out of my head. We drifted apart because I am WAY more academically motivated than he is, and his choices weren't meshing with mine. We kept trying to get back together, but we'd always just drift apart again. I'd like to end this cycle because it's not getting me anywhere, but we fit together so well! Has anyone else been in the position? What did you do? What should I do? I'm going crazy!

[G8Ralphaxi]

When I read your thread, I thought instantly of an ex of mine. We had a LOT of chemistry, which always clouded things. But the thing that made it the hardest was that he really, honestly, was not a "bad guy." Just bad, bad, BAD for me.

When we first started dating, we ended up having a huge fight because he did something unforgiveable (I don't feel like telling what exactly here, but just trust me, everyone who knows what happens is in shock that anyone could do that to someone they supposedly cared about - worse than cheating on me). He apologized over and over and over, and I finally forgave him.

But then he started showing certain attitudes; it became pretty clear to me that he liked having his "sorority girl trophy girlfriend." (he actually called me that to my face once!) He was putting a lot of sexual pressure on me too, and I just wasn't ready. I was still a virgin and we'd only been together for a couple weeks. I finally broke up with him.

Then I ran into him a year later as I walked back to the house after a football game (no, I was not drunk). We ended up talking for over an hour. He kept telling me that he was such an idiot before, he admitted he was really immature, he had spent a lot of time in the last year upset that he had let such a fantastic girl go, can't believe he screwed up so bad, etc. Finally, he asked if he could call me. I hesitated and then said yes.

So we started dating again. At first everything was great. He was always a funny, charismatic guy, and again, we had crazy, insane chemistry. He definitely was nuts about me and kept talking about how he wanted me to meet his family. (HUGE step for him - he'd really been a player before).

Then trouble again. My friends that knew what happened the first time we dated didn't like him and he was annoyed. He would say things like, "Why can't they just get over it?" And I wouldn't know what to say, because the truth was I wasn't sure that I was really over it myself. I told him that no one had ever betrayed me like that before and I was scared of him hurting me again. So then he accuses me of not trusting him, etc. etc. etc.

Long story short, I broke up with him again. I finally realized that no matter what he said or did, I just didn't want someone in my life that would make the decisions he did. There was some minor stupid, selfish crap he did, but it was mainly that one big betrayal at the beginning. Someone who could consciously decided to do something like that was not someone I wanted to give my heart to. I deserve better.

I know it is hard. But good, solid, lasting relationships are built on trust, and friendship, and compatibility. No matter how great you seem to "fit" together, if the other stuff isn't there, it won't work. He doesn't have to be a completely terrible guy - if he was your answer would be easy - you just need to decide whether he's really right for you. And this is one case where "Maybe" definitely means "NO!"

[alikat2]

I thought of an ex of mine too right away. And like GBRalph's, mine wasn't a bad guy......we just didn't work together. At that time we dated, he also didn't really know what he wanted and had a hard time trusting girls after being screwed around on a lot, so I had to try and overcome that. It was not easy.

I broke up with him after almost two months, but beat myself up over certain things for MONTHS afterwards. Because I did like him. What helped me? Meeting another guy I was crazy about Yes, it sounds simplistic, but eventually you ARE going to meet someone who is right for you and you'll have nothing but memories of the first guy.

[krazy]

he soundws like a scumbag... leave him

[texas*princess]

Originally posted by James
I think you should keep sleeping with him. I know if I were your Ex I would apreciate that and it would keep you in my thoughts. And also, who knows, I might even change for you one day . . . if you keep sleeping with me . . .

sometimes i wonder if you're being sarcastic or not?