Am I being a bitch?

[alikat2]

Agghhh, I need someone to tell him whether I am being out of line or what.

First of all, he lives an hour and 15 minutes away from me, and I was hesitant to get involved with him in the first place because the last boy I dated was a long distance thing, and I felt guilty all the time when I couldn't see him as much as he wanted. But anyway, we were supposed to go tonight, but then he said the weather was supposed to get bad and he was worried about me driving (we were going to meet halfway in between where we both live) and he asked for my address and said he wanted to come and "hang out" in my apartment tonight. I felt kind of uncomfortable with that, seeing as we only went out once and (nicely) told him so. He wrote back and said he was just concerned about my safety and that he didn't expect a lecture.....then said we could go out next weekend when I was in a better mood!!! That really made me mad and I haven't e-mailed me back tonight even though he said he wanted to "work things out" (what there is to work out I don't know, as we have been out ONCE).

He also called me THREE times in the space of an hour and a half last night!! WTF? Am I being too harsh?

[xok85xo]

sounds like hes being a little too clingy..personally i wouldn't even waste my time on someone who is already weird/psycho/annoying you so soon.

[kddani]

3 times in the space of an hour and a half, unless necessary b/c of changing plans, being tied up in traffic, etc. is too much.

Any guy worth his salt would've been cool with you not being comfortable with having him over just yet. Methinks he's not much of a gentleman.

If you have warning signs this early, you should listen to them. Finally at the age of 23 i've learned to trust my gut more. Obviously your gut is telling you something.

Good luck

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Yep, ditto to what these wise sages have said..............

[Rudey]

Yes.

-Rudey
--You asked.

[James]

Yeah I agree with Rudey. You are pretty egocentric (selfish) in the way you are reading him.

[AXJules]

I don't think there's anything wrong with being cautious and trusting your instincts. But a really good thing someone once taught me is to put yourself in the other person's shoes: I am SO not saying you did this, but a lot of times the way we say things is not the way we intend them to come out. I refuse to listen to voicemails from myself b/c I sound like a snotty bitch (other ppl have told me this, too.) Even if I'm talking about, like, rainbows and moonbeams, it sounds harsh.
SOOOOOOOOOOOO, it's possible you were condescending or a lil too dramatic and made him feel bad, unintentionally. Or it's possible that you just caught him on a bad day and he freaked out like a PMSing girl.

Regardless, you can either chill out together another time and act like it didn't happen, or you can stop seeing him. If something like this freaks you out, it's only going to happen more when you guys spend more time together.

[James]

This is good advice. Kind of what i meant with my shorthand response.

People are very fragile in the beginning of any relationship, whether its friendship or romance. You didn't have enough history together for him to feel comfortable with you rejecting him, which is probably how he felt. Especially, if as Jules said, he was feeling bad that day . . like overtired.

Let it go a day and chat early in the day and all should be fine.

Also, you could have deflected him by offering to do something near you that wasn't in your apartment. He could have picked you up at your apartment and you could have hit a movie or a diner or something.

Originally posted by AXJules
I don't think there's anything wrong with being cautious and trusting your instincts. But a really good thing someone once taught me is to put yourself in the other person's shoes: I am SO not saying you did this, but a lot of times the way we say things is not the way we intend them to come out. I refuse to listen to voicemails from myself b/c I sound like a snotty bitch (other ppl have told me this, too.) Even if I'm talking about, like, rainbows and moonbeams, it sounds harsh.
SOOOOOOOOOOOO, it's possible you were condescending or a lil too dramatic and made him feel bad, unintentionally. Or it's possible that you just caught him on a bad day and he freaked out like a PMSing girl.

Regardless, you can either chill out together another time and act like it didn't happen, or you can stop seeing him. If something like this freaks you out, it's only going to happen more when you guys spend more time together.

[AXJules]

Agreed. There is a big difference between someone saying "No I don't feel comfortable with you coming over, talk to you later" and going "Not cool w/you coming over yet, how about we go drive around/get ice cream/have dinner/see a movie/have sex in the back of my car/you get the idea".

[alikat2]

Well, I decided to trust my instincts and I told this dude that I wasn't interested in pursuing anything because I'm really too busy right now (a half-truth). He was cool with it and told me to call him once my schedule calms down. But THEN I got some crazy voice mail from him singing Unchained Melody.....I s*it you not.

Thank God I never told him where I live!

[James]

Some girls find that stuff to be cute and romantic even in the early stages of a relationship . . even from just friends clowing around.

Maybe the problem is as much you as him? But I really don't know your dating history or personality.

Ever have friends tell you that you are touchy and oversensitive?

ETA: There is a bit of a difference between someone calling and leaving a song on your voice mail and a psychotic killer stalking you . . . If you think he's really bad . . then Be Afraid Be Very Afraid because it would be easy for a 5 year old to get your address from your name and a bit of history.

Originally posted by alikat2
Well, I decided to trust my instincts and I told this dude that I wasn't interested in pursuing anything because I'm really too busy right now (a half-truth). He was cool with it and told me to call him once my schedule calms down. But THEN I got some crazy voice mail from him singing Unchained Melody.....I s*it you not.

Thank God I never told him where I live!

[alikat2]

Originally posted by James


Ever have friends tell you that you are touchy and oversensitive?

No. All my friends agreed this guy's a little weird. Anyway.....to me, it's a turnoff when the guy seems like he's throwing himself at me.

[James]

Fair enough. I rather like girls that throw themselves at me

Originally posted by alikat2
No. All my friends agreed this guy's a little weird. Anyway.....to me, it's a turnoff when the guy seems like he's throwing himself at me.

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

this guy's weird. Consider this a bullet dodged!

[miss4thofjuly]

I

CAN'T

BREATHE



Agghhh, I need someone to tell him whether I am being out of line or what.

no. he needs a hobby.