please help

mattpike · #1 01-17-2004, 01:13 PM

yesterday some really bad stuff went down. one of my best friends and fraternity brother left our party almost in tears, he is african american and some girl that he is crushin on told him that her parents wouldnt approve of them. he said that he never let the race thing bother him before but for some reason it just got to him that night. he was really hurting and it was killing me. i came from a very closed minded town where interracial things didnt happen, now i see that as totally stupid. i would be honored if i guy like him was dating my sister, because i know he would treat her like a queen and always be good to her. it just opened my eyes and made me a little angry at the world. he didnt understand and i couldnt tell him anything, because it was stupid, there is no reason why they should be upset at a thing like that. if they halfway knew him they would love him, he is one of the greatest friends anyone could ever ask for. what do i say to him to make him feel better. and what do yall think of that.

AlethiaSi · #2 01-17-2004, 01:24 PM

well... i feel awful for your brother and that is a hard thing to go through. He doesn't feel any different so why do people treat him differently? it is an age old problem unfortunately. It seems like the girl was trying to be honest but could have used it as a sad excuse...

If i were you- i would just try to boost his confidence in other ways and tell him all the things you just wrote about- that you would be honored to have him date your own sister- and taht he is a great guy- if the girl doesn't see that (or her parents don't) then he should feel sorry for them instead of feeling bad about himself. Obviously, he has great people that care a lot about him and thats all that matters. He should try to pick himself up and know that he is an amazing person no matter what.... good luck

James · #3 01-17-2004, 01:36 PM

You got to tell him the truth: That she is nothing more than a dime store hooker and if she had any clue at all she would be more open minded and would adore him . . you should rant about her and that for a while, if you are real angry about it you can probably break him out of it. ITs actually a mirroring technique.. .

But seriously, what a two bit little tramp with the social skills of leprous whore . .. I mean yeah issues like that exist, but what a trailer park white trash thing to say. She could have just said: hey dude I think you are cool and all but I don't dig you that way.

OR she could have said I don't like you, leave me alone. But noooo . . . . this little winner (a sorority girl?) had to basically say that he belongs to an entire caste of people that she doesn't even consider human enough to consider dating.

Anyway. . rant a bit and really work the stupid little ho-bag angle . . . Maybe you guys can publicly himiliate her also since she did it to him .. something really messed up.

James · #4 01-17-2004, 01:39 PM

She wasn't being honest, she's just a twisted little straggly hair, knockneed, pizza faced, Jerry Springer, excorist slut with a smelly ass. Don't make excuses for her

Quote:

Originally posted by AlethiaSi
It seems like the girl was trying to be honest but could have used it as a sad excuse... :

PhiPsiRuss · #5 01-17-2004, 01:44 PM

Tell him that there will always be bigots, and that he should never let anyone rain on his parade. This won't make him feel better, only the time needed to heal his wound will.

aephi alum · #6 01-17-2004, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by russellwarshay
Tell him that there will always be bigots, and that he should never let anyone rain on his parade. This won't make him feel better, only the time needed to heal his wound will.

What he said

Not everyone in this world is as open-minded as you and I. Even so, if she didn't want to date him because of race, she could have found a more tactful way to put it.

He's better off without her.

AlethiaSi · #7 01-17-2004, 02:45 PM

ok ok- you guys are right- i was trying to be diplomatic! lol but it probably would help to "bash" her but also- make sure not to make him feel bad that he would like this girl- as if you don't approve of his taste (say a girl turned you down and all your boys were like she's a slut blah blah.... then what do they think about the other girls you like?) maybe thats jsut a girl thing.... hmmmmm

lol (it most likely is)

PhiPsiRuss · #8 01-17-2004, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AlethiaSi
but it probably would help to "bash" her but also- make sure not to make him feel bad that he would like this girl

I disagree. Creating further bad karma is not good. He simply has to realize that he is who he is, and that other people's opinions and prejudices don't change that. He must learn to like himself, not raise his self esteem at the expense of others.

James · #9 01-17-2004, 02:51 PM

Yuppers. Thats just a girl thing

Quote:

Originally posted by AlethiaSi
maybe thats jsut a girl thing.... hmmmmm lol (it most likely is)

James · #10 01-17-2004, 02:52 PM

She's a dime store hooker, always was, always will be. Weren't you reading my post?

Quote:

Originally posted by russellwarshay
I disagree. Creating further bad karma is not good. He simply has to realize that he is who he is, and that other people's opinions and prejudices don't change that. He must learn to like himself, not raise his self esteem at the expense of others.

PhiPsiRuss · #11 01-17-2004, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
She's a dime store hooker, always was, always will be. Weren't you reading my post?

Calling her a hooker would be a compliment.

mattpike · #12 01-17-2004, 03:06 PM

i really appriciate your responces. i knew i could count on you guys for some good feedback. i agree with everything yall said. she definitly is a skeezy hooker. and once again thank you so much.

Colonist · #13 01-17-2004, 03:54 PM

She is allowed her own opinions and values. Calling her a slut and talking crap just makes you all look like assholes. Just because she doesn't want to date him do to his race doesn't make her a bad person.

USFSDTAlum · #14 01-17-2004, 04:14 PM

I'm prolly going to get flamed for this, BUT,
She said her family wouldn't approve, not that she wasn't interested. Is it possible that this is valid?
Maybe she's not the racist but her family is, I believe that your location said Oklahoma?
I mean if her parents are paying for her schooling, maybe she doesn't need to be disowned by them. And yes, for some families thats what it comes down to. I know several families that have made it very clear to their daughters in no uncertain terms, you bring ANY OTHER race home, your cut off. This sounds like BS and an excuse but trust me it does happen.
So cut the girl some slack, it could very well be some BS and she could be a dime store hooker. But theres always two sides to every story. Just because everyone on this board is in the 21 st century and open minded, doesn't mean everyone is.

Kevin · #15 01-17-2004, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by USFstudent

Maybe she's not the racist but her family is, I believe that your location said Oklahoma?
I

Thanks for stereotyping people in my state... Racism is the norm, right?