Positive Parenting and Discipline

[prayerfull]

I read the thread about "nudity in the home" and rather than getting into that specific topic, I wanted to query all parents about positive parenting and discipline.

When I was a child, my parents didn't even have to speak to get me to act right. That look alone did it - and when it didn't, my backside certainly got the message.

I'm sure that many of us were raised in the day and age where our parents believed the saying "Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child". My backside was quite familiar with the Rod, the belt, shoes, switches, and even my dad's Que paddle!!!!

However, in 2001, parents can go to jail for some of the things that our parents did to us.

How do you discipline your child?

For me, I have no problem with some "light" spanking when necessary. I am not one for the formal spanking sessions that I got as a child. Nor can I get with the whole "time-out" concepts that some of my white friends believe in. Nothing gets me more that hearing a little white child acting a pure fool in the grocery store and a demure white woman begging and pleading with the child to behave or "it's time-out time for you when we get home young lady".

I work with the children in our church and have been facing a lot of problems with some of those children who have some serious behavior problems. Note that most of the children who have these problems are the ones whose parents just drop them off at church for rehearsals and activities and don't stay there with them or get involved with what's going on. I know that has a lot to do with it.

I'm hoping to get some good input and open some positive discussion on this topic, as I know that I could benefit in parenting my own children and working with the children at our church.

[AKA2D '91]

I don't have any children, but I know what worked for us back then...

And I saw this weekend it continues to work for my sister with her 3 children, well the 2 older ones, not the baby (he gets a uh-uh, na, no or ta-ta):

*ignore
*verbal warning
*separating the 2 of them from one another with (verbal warning, where you have to watch the words that come out of your mouth)LOL
*slap on the hand, buttocks, or a pinch
* the nearest object to the hand to throw "at" them...LOL

All of those are POSITIVE! THEY WORK!

[tickledpink]

I spank. But when I can't reach them, I give 'em "The Momma Look..."

When I worked with kindergartners, of course you can't spank the kids, but The Momma Look was universal. Chile, it crossed all language barriers and ethnicities. So even for the little kid that couldn't "speaka englise" and was bouncing around like a maniac, that look made 'em relax, real quick.

On a more serious note, I know that a "look" doesn't work with every child, so we had a "Stop Light". Everyone started out the day with their names on the green light. After each significant warning to stop whatever, the child had to move their names to yellow, and then to red. If you got 4 green lights (good behaviour 4 out of 5 days), you got to participate in a fun activity at the end of the week (we called it "Fun Friday").
Perhaps you could incorporate a version of this in your church activity, and instead of Fun Friday, those with minimal warnings can get something out of the "Treat Box". The Treat Box could be filled with little dollar store items, candy, etc, -- all of this assuming that you work with very young children at the church.



[This message has been edited by tickledpink (edited April 19, 2001).]

[Miss. Mocha]

I'm not big on spaking. I know it works for some parents, but I usually feel so guitly (unless she really messes up) that it's not worth it. I usually talk to, with threats, give the evil eye, yell, or take her shoulders in my hands and make her look me in the eye, so that she knows how serious I am.

In public, I'm number 1 with the quick, but most effective, pinches. You know the kind that you used to get for cutting up in church. If it's not a serious infraction, I'll get down, like on one knee, to her eye level, and tell her "if you don't stop it, right this minute, when we get to the car, you going to be in a world of trouble." These things work for me.


Miss. Mocha