Ladies, beware your perfect nice guy

James · #1 12-06-2003, 09:56 PM

Ok ok ok.

I have been totally dismayed by the way a lot of girls on here say that they are treated by boys.

And it makes me fearful for you.

Here is why.

Boys are supposed to open doors for you. Pick you up. Say nice things. Call you. Send you flowers and buy you gifts. This is the "Role". A traditional approach.

And depending on their background they may seem more or less chivalrous and mannered.

This has to do with the way they were raised or their early influences.

The crowd that I grew up with did all these things. We weren't necessarily nice. We were just raised that way. Some of us were asses.

But we opened doors, picked you up, said nice things, bought you flowers and acted more or less chivalrously.

That is the Basic Male Unit that you have the right to expect. Someone that has been well socialized enough, or at least watched enough Cary Grant . . . to Open Doors, pick you up, say nice things . . . and give you our jacket when you are chilly.

Thats not even an "upgraded male unit", thats the floor model. The upgraded male units are verbally expressive, caring, romantic, emotionally available, and have other skills and facets that make them intrigueing partners.

Think of them as options.

What I see is girls that are getting subnormal models, perhaps they are broken, or had too many defects to begin with. And then when finally you find a basic male unit you are so estatic you rave about it.

Kind of like going from a broken down Pinto to semi new import.

The worst thing is that you can be pathetically greatful for it. Like being given a drink of tepid water after being emotionally parched.

So honestly. When you are test driving your new men and they don't function as well as even a basic male unit . . keep shopping. Because being a nice guy has little to do with opening doors, picking you up, and saying nice things, those are supposed to be "by the ways". Standard factory package.

So if they don't even have the basics down: Move on.

Edited for sense. Thanks Billy.

Rudey · #2 12-06-2003, 10:08 PM

James seriously please stop posting like Decadence.

I did a speed read of that and got a couple things.

I think I hold doors just as much for guys as I do girls, old women as young. If my buddy calls me, I will call him back. It's just common decency and not things you do exclusively for girls. The first second you give or get more in a relationship than the other person, it's downhill.

-Rudey
--Most "nice guys" are self-labeled. Ever notice that?

AlphaGam1019 · #3 12-06-2003, 10:10 PM

heh not to down your post, I think it's valid and a very good one...

but if you just simply skim the post, the bold faced words jump out...Basic Male Unit and upgraded male unit...makes it sound like a different topic. hahaha

James · #4 12-06-2003, 10:11 PM

Which is the point. Its just common courtesy, even in relationships. Many girls wax rhapsodic over gusy that are just being polite . . like we are supposed to be.

And I don't post as loing as you think by word count. I use a lot more spacing. Old article trick makes it easier to read.

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
James seriously please stop posting like Decadence. I did a speed read of that and got a couple things.

I think I hold doors just as much for guys as I do girls, old women as young. If my buddy calls me, I will call him back. It's just common decency and not things you do exclusively for girls. The first second you give or get more in a relationship than the other person, it's downhill.

-Rudey
--Most "nice guys" are self-labeled. Ever notice that?

Optimist Prime · #5 12-06-2003, 10:12 PM

You're welcome. I'm getting tired of these stupid ass bitches on Greek Chat.

James · #6 12-06-2003, 10:13 PM

It does make it look like an extension of the penis thread lol

Quote:

Originally posted by AlphaGam1019
heh not to down your post, I think it's valid and a very good one...

but if you just simply skim the post, the bold faced words jump out...Basic Male Unit and upgraded male unit...makes it sound like a different topic. hahaha

AlphaGam1019 · #7 12-06-2003, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
It does make it look like an extension of the penis thread lol

nice choice of words :P

Rio_Kohitsuji · #8 12-06-2003, 10:20 PM

James, damn, I love your threads...

Anyway...I'm with you on the "basic male unit". However, in society now young boys and men are not being expected to perform these duties as often. You have to open the door for grandma but forget about your date that night getting the same treatment

But, I am glad that I had a junker first so that I could truely value my Porshe

PS: I'm going to send your thread to some of my girlfriends...

MeLikey · #9 12-07-2003, 02:04 AM

I totally agree with you James... I've seen many girls with guys who don't treat them the way they deserve to be treated, yet they continue to go back to them just so they can say they're with someone. I, on the other hand, refuse to settle.

xoheatherxo · #10 12-07-2003, 04:19 AM

no offense to this thread, but opening a door for a girl and picking her up has nothing to do with whether or not youre a nice guy. i was born and raised in ny, and except for those few times around the holidays, people rarely hold the door open for other people. its just a fact of life around here. and when i went to school in new mexico, everyone holds doors open for everyone. i personally wouldnt choose to date or not date a guy based on if he opened doors, picked me up, or bought me stuff. personality counts too ya know!!!! i think i can handle opening my own door and driving myself places.

smiley21 · #11 12-07-2003, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by xoheatherxo
no offense to this thread, but opening a door for a girl and picking her up has nothing to do with whether or not youre a nice guy. i was born and raised in ny, and except for those few times around the holidays, people rarely hold the door open for other people. its just a fact of life around here. and when i went to school in new mexico, everyone holds doors open for everyone. i personally wouldnt choose to date or not date a guy based on if he opened doors, picked me up, or bought me stuff. personality counts too ya know!!!! i think i can handle opening my own door and driving myself places.

i agree

ThetaPrincess24 · #12 12-07-2003, 01:49 PM

I've told and continue to tell dates who sit in their cars expecting me to come out, or honk the horn for me to come out instead of coming to my front door to get me to hit the road and go and do whatever by himself. I dont tolerate that bullshit from anyone.........I dont care what they drive or how much they got, that's just plain rude.

James · #13 12-07-2003, 03:24 PM

I have to apologize to you xoheatherxo, I thought I was clearer.

Having manners has nothing to do with being a nice guy.

You can be a kind soul and spray food while you talk, as well as scratch your crack in public and sniff it.

lol

What I was trying to point out is that a lot of women have experience with men that don't seem to know basic courtesies and basic courting behavior.

And that when they do stumble on it, they think it so terific because they are used to the lack and attritube it to being great or nice or whatever. When in reality that should be just normal.

That should be the basic standard of behavior and then you determine whether they are nice or whatever.

Quote:

Originally posted by xoheatherxo
no offense to this thread, but opening a door for a girl and picking her up has nothing to do with whether or not youre a nice guy. i was born and raised in ny, and except for those few times around the holidays, people rarely hold the door open for other people. its just a fact of life around here. and when i went to school in new mexico, everyone holds doors open for everyone. i personally wouldnt choose to date or not date a guy based on if he opened doors, picked me up, or bought me stuff. personality counts too ya know!!!! i think i can handle opening my own door and driving myself places.

Allie · #14 12-07-2003, 06:26 PM

Within the past year I have noticed that mny of my friends treat their relationship much like that of their parents. One example is a friend who cuddles with her bf in our chapter room, at the bar, anywhere. It's PG rated, they are always touching and stuff. When I saw her parents, they act the same way. I really believe that one of the major influences of how people take on their relationships is set by example of what they have seen. Anoth one of my pieces of proof is a old roomie, she completly changed once she got a bf, she made it her life mission to have a bf and make him the center of her life. Later I found out that her parents were divorced and each of them were going on their third marriage.

I don't see this as jodging, but as a meer observation. So yeah, if someone sees how their parents interact they will probably expect that dating shoulf be like that. But then there are also people who have common sence and if they did have a "perfect" parent model will know what to expect from society.

Sorry to get off on a tagent, but just something that has intregued me lately.

As for a guys behavor, I expect normal things like opening doors, pushing in my chair, flowers just because. But it's also great when he does something that isn't expected. My theory is that you have to expect the best, at least when it comes to how a guy treats you

xoheatherxo · #15 12-07-2003, 06:37 PM

Quote:

I've told and continue to tell dates who sit in their cars expecting me to come out, or honk the horn for me to come out instead of coming to my front door to get me to hit the road and go and do whatever by himself. I dont tolerate that bullshit from anyone.........I dont care what they drive or how much they got, that's just plain rude.

ThetaPrincess24, i totally agree with you on that. all i was saying is that although i would want him to come to the door to get me if he is picking me up, i wouldnt expect him to open my door once we got to the car.

Quote:

And that when they do stumble on it, they think it so terific because they are used to the lack and attritube it to being great or nice or whatever. When in reality that should be just normal.

honestly james, how is sitting in the car after the guy has turned the car off and gotten out normal?? i personally feel really stupid sitting in a car waiting for my date to come around and open the door for me when im perfectly capable of doing it myself. as for opening doors going into some place when youre on a date, if i get there first i get there first. is there something that says that a girl cant hold the door open for a guy if she happens to be standing in front of it?? again i think it looks incredibly dumb to stand in front of a closed door and wait for the man to open it for me when i can just open it and maybe even hold it for him!