A Real Life "What If" Question

[adduncan]

Hi GCers

A few threads over the past month or so got me thinking about this question.

You're living in your sorority/fraternity house. (Not much of a stretch for most here but it sets the scene.) What would *really* happen in your house if two sisters/brothers had a serious disagreement about some of the more controversial topics on this board?

For example: you, or someone in your house is an athiest--and another member, also in the house, joins a devout religious group. (Fill in the blank, it could be any.)

Another example: you, or someone in the house is a hard-core Democrat, someone else in the house takes a leadership position in the College Republicans.

These are just examples, but you get the general drift.

What would happen to the house/chapter? How would you handle it? We all know what we would LIKE to happen: everyone would talk nice, and be patient, and tolerant, and never piss each other off. But let's be honest, people are going to get on each others' nerves. Even on this board, with people who never meet you can see some knock-down drag-outs on the above and other topics; can we really expect perfect behaviour from people who live together day after day?

So, that's the Q: what would happen in your house/chapter if the above circumstance were to occur?

Discuss

Adrienne

[Txsurfinwaves]

I think that you should try to respect each others opinions- because after all, you do have the common bond of sisterhood/brotherhood.

There is always going to be issues, because of how opinionated and outspoken society is today.

I think it all depends on the situation, and the people, how the issue should be handled.

[Tom Earp]

As long as they do not try to foist their ideals on the rest no problem

But, when it becomes a bigger queastion than being a member in toto, then there is a proble and should be explained to them! Period.

They are not an individual, but a member of a larger picture of Brothers/Sisters.

Now, it is on their shoulders. If they do not agree, they have the right to leave and not disrupt the total Status!

They are only one, the Organization is many!

[adduncan]

Originally posted by Tom Earp
As long as they do not try to foist their ideals on the rest no problem

Good point, Tom, but this can open a can of worms as well.

What exactly is "foisting"? Is it stating an opinion that others disagree with? Is it engaging in a practice of faith that others don't? Should people be forced to keep their opinions to themselves, and keep all of their ideas a secret, just to not "offend" people who merely disagree? Should individuals of whatever opinion be afraid that they will be abused by their sisters/brothers for what they think and believe?

This is the heart that I'm trying to get at.

Adrienne

[navane]

Originally posted by Tom Earp
If they do not agree, they have the right to leave and not disrupt the total Status!

Right, but what if the two people in question feel that they shouldn't have to leave? Does the group pick a person to oust? Oust them both? Ack!


.....Kelly

[MTSUGURL]

One of my favorite pledge sisters is pagan, and I am a devout Christian. We are able to talk about things we believe and I have never felt uncomfortable with her. I grew up having very different views from my older brother. He's still my brother whether we diagree or not. I don't love him because we share the same views I love him because he's my brother. I don't choose to be with my sisters because they have my opinions but because they love me enough to respect my opinions, and because they are certain enough that I love them to be willing to share their opinions with me, even when they know that they are the opposite.

Did that make sense or am I rambling again?

[AlphaPhiBubbles]

Crystal I really like the way you put that. I think that if something like that would cause huge problems in a house or in a group at all it would be because of the immaturity of people involved...not because of the vast difference between the opinions. I have very different views from a lot of my sisters and friends and it doesn't stop either of us from liking the other the way they are!!!

[lifesaver]

I had many brothers I lived with that I disagred with on philosophical, cultural and religious issues. I still generally respected them, unless their opinions were so far out of tune with general american culture and accepted norms. (I can honestly only think of one in that sense and I just respect his right to be that different and wonder where his parents went wrong and keep my space from him... seriosuly, his views on an issue or two would disgust and offend many on this board, which just led me to believe that it was our fault that we rushed the kid. You rush 40 guys a year, your gonna have some loons that get through the cracks in the system. I am still glad for the exprericence tho, as I learned how to handle the most difficult people from it.)

Other than fool boy, I really liked that many of my brothers didnt share the same world-view as I did. It opened a whole new world to me and I didnt want to be in a chapter that was full of cookie-cutter members. I joined my chapter becasue I was an individual, not in spite of it. I learned more from those members than I did many of my classes.

One of my good friends itn eh chapter was a different political affiliation than I am and we both used every opportunity to take a friendly jab at each other, especially during chapter meetings. Love the kid tho with all my soul.

[TigerLilly]

I would say, you find other ways to connect with this person. OK, you have this difference between you, but you have to have some similarities, too! Maybe you're a Democrat and she's a Republican, but you both love hanging out and watching Sex and the City. Or you're a Christian and he's an atheist, but you both love to play soccer. You find other connections that help you respect and like your brother/sister as an overall person, despite your differences.

[33girl]

We definitely had the politics issues happening. However, it was all forgotten when we went out to party. There's nothing wrong with a little heated discussion. If your sisterhood is so sterile that you are afraid to bring up this or that topic for fear of someone shunning you, how close can you be?

[GeekyPenguin]

My best friend from our chapter is a diehard Republican, I'm a diehard Democrat. While we never lived in the house at the same time, we just avoid the subject of politics unless it's something really neutral like "I have a College Dems meeting tonight" or "Wanna go vote and cancel each other out?"

As per the religion question, I have one sister who thinks she's an agnostic/atheist (she also thinks they're the same) but she somehow wears a cross all the time? I just ignore her. I'm not particularily intense on my religious preferences and I don't think she really understands it at all.

I've seen it get a lot worse in fraternities - one of GPBoy's brothers was SHOCKED to find out that he wasn't a Republican, but again, they just avoided the subject for the most part. I think the best story I've ever heard is when one of the Betas on here posted about how Betas fighting in the Civil War wore their badges and would not shoot each other because their brotherhood was above that - that's how I think a lot of Greeks view relationships in their chapters. We might be on different sides of the aisle, but she's my sister, and that's more important to me.

[dzrose93]

Something along these lines actually did happen with my chapter when I was in school. A new religious organization started up on campus... it was an offshoot of the Baptist Student Union. Several of my sisters who were BSU members started attending bible studies hosted by the new organization.

At first, things were fine. However, I quickly realized that the girls' attitudes were starting to change. They didn't want to attend socials, and started "preaching" to our other members, saying that having a social was immoral because we should be concentrating on the bible instead of trying to get dates with fraternity guys. Also, they began skipping sorority events in order to attend meetings for this other organization.

Things got really uncomfortable after that. There were no knock-down, drag-out arguments between the ultra-religious group of sisters and the rest of us, but it was definitely tense at sorority functions. We felt like we were being judged every time we saw them, and they felt like we were bad influences because we didn't worship the same way that they did.

When I graduated, there were two distinct "cliques" in our chapter. Everyone was polite to everyone else because we were all sisters; however, the comraderie wasn't nearly as strong as it used to be. When we voted for exec and cabinet positions, it was obvious that there were two sides for each election.

The good news is I learned, not too long after my graduation, that some of the girls eventually realized that they were being, for lack of a better word, 'brainwashed' by the offshoot organization, and stopped attending their meetings. The number of sisters who participated in the org dwindled and things started getting back to normal for our chapter. The organization is still on campus, but most students view it as a cult and stay away.

[sugar and spice]

I think that part of the beauty of Greek life is that it forces you to get along with people who have views that oppose your own. In the rest of your life, you can choose to be friends only with Democrats, or only with Jewish people, or only with people who are pro-life -- but in a sorority you're not the only one making the decision, and more often than not there is going to be something about at least one or two or a handful of your sisters that you really don't agree with, but you're going to have to see them at least once or twice a week for the next four years.

I think the solution is no different than in the rest of your life -- you have to realize that you and your sisters are different people and you're both free to believe what you want to believe. Neither of you are going to be able to convert each other, and if you try to, it will only lead to a lot of unncessary drama.

I know that there are a lot of people in my life who have views that significantly differ from mine, but we still like to discuss things and find out what the other knows that we don't know. And if it comes to the place where we both know we can't discuss something without things getting heated, we just avoid the topic.

[Betarulz!]

I guess this maybe more associated with chapters that have much smaller houses.

Obviously with 60 guys in one house, there are a lot of differing opinions, and conflicts arise all the time. I am a very staunch liberal, and many of my brothers are very, very conservative. Usually arguements will arise, but in the end we realize that it isn't worth it to continually fight each other on everything.

I think that this is akin to not letting the sometimes heated discussions that go on in chapter meetings have an affect on relationships outside the chapter room. Everyone realizes that there is a time and place to discuss these issues and when both people agree then you can have a discussion.

[CardinalSM]

Originally posted by MTSUGURL
One of my favorite pledge sisters is pagan, and I am a devout Christian. We are able to talk about things we believe and I have never felt uncomfortable with her. I grew up having very different views from my older brother. He's still my brother whether we diagree or not. I don't love him because we share the same views I love him because he's my brother. I don't choose to be with my sisters because they have my opinions but because they love me enough to respect my opinions, and because they are certain enough that I love them to be willing to share their opinions with me, even when they know that they are the opposite.

Did that make sense or am I rambling again?

Very well said! I would have to agree wholeheartedly!!