Speaking of the Black Elite......

[Convinced]

Hi Sorors, Sisterfriends, Frats, and Visitors:
What's up? I'm sure that after reading my "crying pink and green tears" post, you all know about my lack of a man. Well, whenever I see someone that I haven't seen in awhile, they all say "Oh, so you've broken up with that guy? Girl, he was nothing but...trash, a nobody, worthless... etc, etc." Then, they go one to make comments about the fact that he doesn't have a college degree, had a gold tooth, a baby's mama, and drives an '80 Impala (hey, that rhymed!) They really don't know anything about the way he treated me (cheating, etc.) They base their opposition on the fact that I, with a job and two degrees, and cultural interests, was "too good for him". So, is it being an elitist to seek out guys with degrees, professional jobs, nice cars, good credit, etc.? This is what everyone thinks I should be doing. What do you all think?

[Eclipse]

Originally posted by Convinced:
Hi Sorors, Sisterfriends, Frats, and Visitors:
What's up? I'm sure that after reading my "crying pink and green tears" post, you all know about my lack of a man. Well, whenever I see someone that I haven't seen in awhile, they all say "Oh, so you've broken up with that guy? Girl, he was nothing but...trash, a nobody, worthless... etc, etc." Then, they go one to make comments about the fact that he doesn't have a college degree, had a gold tooth, a baby's mama, and drives an '80 Impala (hey, that rhymed!) They really don't know anything about the way he treated me (cheating, etc.) They base their opposition on the fact that I, with a job and two degrees, and cultural interests, was "too good for him". So, is it being an elitist to seek out guys with degrees, professional jobs, nice cars, good credit, etc.? This is what everyone thinks I should be doing. What do you all think?

I don't think that degrees, jobs, cars, etc. necessary say that two people will be compatible. I do believe, however, that one of the most important parts of a relationship is communication. If you and your honey cannot communicate and do not have similar interests then most likely the relationship will not last or thrive. Looking for a man who enjoys doing the things you enjoy doing (whether that is going to the wrasslin' or the opera) is not, in my opinion elitist. On the other hand, seeking a man that has those things is not being a snob either. Although the car thing is taking it a bit far, to me. I know a brother that is paying over $600 to floss a phat ride and he has bad credit and lives with his mamma.

I know of several blue collar male/white collar female relationships that have lasted and thrived. It's really about folks being comfortable with who they are and who they are with.

[PrincessELG]

I know that I will only pursue or allow myself to get pursued by men with the same goals both career wise and personally. I am not going to date a guy who never wants children because I know I want them badly so I am not going to put myself in the situation to get all wrapped up and then be heart broken later. I also know that you can't control who you fall in love with but you can control who you date so as not to fall in love with someone who does not meet my same goals in life. I don't know if this makes me a snob but I want a nice white collar man who knows how to work for everything he gets and we are headed up the coporate ladder together .I don't want a Gina Martin relationship where she is moving and shaking in the corporate world and he can't relate.

Sorry for the long post.

[Inquisitive]

Originally posted by Convinced:
Hi Sorors, Sisterfriends, Frats, and Visitors:
What's up? I'm sure that after reading my "crying pink and green tears" post, you all know about my lack of a man. Well, whenever I see someone that I haven't seen in awhile, they all say "Oh, so you've broken up with that guy? Girl, he was nothing but...trash, a nobody, worthless... etc, etc." Then, they go one to make comments about the fact that he doesn't have a college degree, had a gold tooth, a baby's mama, and drives an '80 Impala (hey, that rhymed!) They really don't know anything about the way he treated me (cheating, etc.) They base their opposition on the fact that I, with a job and two degrees, and cultural interests, was "too good for him". So, is it being an elitist to seek out guys with degrees, professional jobs, nice cars, good credit, etc.? This is what everyone thinks I should be doing. What do you all think?

I don't see anything wrong with wanting or pursuing a mate with the same goals and aspirations as yourself!

------------------
Wisemen Speak Because They Have Something To Say, Fools Because They Have To Say Something!
Failure To Plan Is Planning To Fail!!!

[toocute]

Originally posted by PrincessELG:
I don't know if this makes me a snob but I want a nice white collar man who knows how to work for everything he gets and we are headed up the coporate ladder together .I don't want a Gina Martin relationship where she is moving and shaking in the corporate world and he can't relate.

OK...I'm not calling you a snob or trying to offend but I do have question. Why do you think blue collar workers don't work for everything? My dad is a retired NYC transit worker and my mom is a retired investment banker. They have been married for 40+ years and they BOTH worked very hard. They may not have been able to talk about the ins and outs of the stock market but my dad did listen when she talked about her day. My girlfriend...a ivy league grad has fallen in love with a bus driver. I don't know about other cities but NYC workers get the BOMB benefits!

Just a question!

[MIDWESTDIVA]

I think I'm feeling Inquisitive on this one. I don't have anything against blue collar men and I do date them. But my experience has been that most of them can't relate to me very well. They couldn't understand things like why it was important to me to go to school even though I was working two jobs. If I had an interesting discussion in one of my classes, I couldn't continue it with them because it was out of their element, so to speak. On the other hand, my father is a blue collar man, and he can speak intelligently on ANY subject. Unfortunately, men in my age range aren't able to do that. Speaking only of the ones that I have met so far.

------------------
"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." ~Harry S. Truman~

[Ideal08]

College, jobs, cars, all of these things are irrelevant, really, because a man could have all of these things, and you two could still end up unevenly yoked. I just got out of a relationship with a blue collar worker, and to tell the truth, he has a better work ethic than I do, in some respects. Truth be told, he complements me in many ways. Not to mention, who's to say that today's blue collar worker won't be tomorrow's millionaire. I mean, look at Master P. People see him as MR GHETTO. However, Percy Miller (same person) gets madd respect for his business savvy. And he is NOT college educated. I think in looking for a mate, we should look for things that make us happy, and complement us as well. I'm not going to miss out on my divine right mate by limiting myself to a particular "type" of man. (However, the hypocrytical side of that is that I wouldn't date outside of my race. So I might miss him anyway. But that's another issue.) White collar men have the same issues as any other man: fear of commitment, inablity to express his feelings, infidelity, etc. I am in no way saying take whatever is offered to you, but I am saying don't sleep on our blue collar brothas. Actually, now that I think about it, the whole thing kinda bothers me a bit. I mean, we (Black women) are always talking about there being a shortage of "good" Black men out there, but then we want to limit ourselves to only "professional" (I didn't know you had to be white collar to be professional) Black men with nice cars. It just don't make no sense. It really doesn't.

I guess I still haven't really answered the question, have I? I wouldn't say that it makes you elitist, or a snob. I say do what makes you happy. And stop listening to what people around you say. Lord, if I've learned anything, it's that!!! Although your friends and family truly want what's best for you, only you can determine what is good for you. And remember, like my Mommy always said, "What looks good to you is not always good for you, and what is good for you may not always look good to you."

Sorry for the long post. I'm a little chatty today!

[toocute]

Originally posted by Ideal08:
but I am saying don't sleep on our blue collar brothas. Actually, now that I think about it, the whole thing kinda bothers me a bit. I mean, we (Black women) are always talking about there being a shortage of "good" Black men out there, but then we want to limit ourselves to only "professional" (I didn't know you had to be white collar to be professional) Black men with nice cars. It just don't make no sense. It really doesn't.

Yes! Ideal08 that is what I'm talking about! My girl and I were talking about this the other day! We were on the bus and saw a UPS man. Brotha man was TOO FINE but so many sistas would probably not give him the time of day because he drives a truck. It doesn't make sense.

[Professor]

Sisters,

It really troubles me to read these types of comments. Given the fact that there is a shortage of black men in general and that you unfortunately now have to compete with white women and other ethnicity's, if I were a black woman I would be praying for God to send a partner that loves, honors and respects. All this stuff about education, background etc. should only be icing on the cake. I suggest that most sisters that preach her man must have a degree(s), are probably first generation grads themselves.

Now don't get me wrong. I understand my sister's post. I just don't think one should eliminate a brother because of education.

Another thing - - - when the relationship is over don't badmouth a Brother. Apparently, you found some good quality in him or you would not have dated him in the first place. Your loss can be another sister's gain.

"06"

[Poplife]

I don't really look for a man that has all that but when I find a brotha that does it's usually a plus.

You never know where a man is headed though. Last night I was in Walmart with a friend and while we were shopping we passed two male employees that were stocking the shelves. You know what they were discussing? Stock options! When to buy and when to sell!! My friend turned to me after we got out of the isle and said "I'm not going to lie. That convo topic was a little unsuspected!"

I have dated guys that are in technical school and the like. All of them were intellectually stimulating and I loved talking with them. I'm also attracted to self-employed men, even if he didn't get his BA to do it. My job will require a lot of travel and it would be a blessing if my husband can pick up the kids for school and take care of them without worrying about getting in trouble with the boss.

As long as a man can love, respect, and support me then it's all good.

[AKA_Monet]

Really it's what you are willing to deal with or put up with in a man.

A garbage man may come home smelly, but he loves you so much and tries to be there for you thru thick and thin...

Whereas, a CEO/CFO/IA for an internet startup making more than 6 figures is on Paxil and Prozac and is physically "unendowed" (if you know what I mean)... .

HEY??? Why do most of the Blue Collar men have strong "endowments"???

[serenity_24]

Toocute, Ideal08, Poplife, I'm feeling you ladies!!!!!

And a bigL.O.L. to AKA_Monet.

But really, there are brothers out there who weren't able to go to college for whatever circumstances, who are now self-employed and making those 6-fig. salaries. They are well versed on many topics and could probably teach us a few things.

I would rather have someone I know I could trust and love with all my heart than one who keeps me looking through the sock drawer. Blue-collar, white-collar, or No-collar!!!! (maybe not no-collar, but you know what I'm saying )

[This message has been edited by serenity_24 (edited December 12, 2000).]

[exquizit]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet:
Really it's what you are willing to deal with or put up with in a man.

A garbage man may come home smelly, but he loves you so much and tries to be there for you thru thick and thin...

Whereas, a CEO/CFO/IA for an internet startup making more than 6 figures is on Paxil and Prozac and is physically "unendowed" (if you know what I mean)... .

HEY??? Why do most of the Blue Collar men have strong "endowments"???

LMAO!!! I was thinking the same thing when I read this thread(on all accounts)!

I can't lie and say goals and ambition always bring home the bacon, but if he's realy putting forth the effort and working hard to achieve his goals then the man deserves a chance as well as a pat on the back.

I'm open to all types of personalities as well as occupations that men may have as long as they don't expect me to take care of them. In my opinion a man has to be just that..a MAN.

[toocute]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet:

HEY??? Why do most of the Blue Collar men have strong "endowments"???

LOL as I choke on my morning bagel!

[PinkCashmere]

Hi Sorors & Sisterfriends!!

I must agree with Serenity_24. I would much rather have someone that I love and trust regardless of his "credentials" than someone with "credentials" that I couldn't trust. I prefer a man who realizes that it is better to love 1 woman 100 different ways than trying to just have 100 different women. A degree doesn't equal a happy relationship.

To answer the original question, I think that you should be with the man that you are most comfortable with and the one who treats you like the wonderful person that you are. Regardless of his packaging!!!