Hey guys... I had some "disturbing" news last night

[Convinced]

What's up Sorors, Sisterfriends, and Bruhs:

I got some news last night, and I'm not sure if it is sad or not. One of my very best friends had a baby when she was 14 years old and in the 8th grade. She surpassed all odds and graduated from high school with highest honors, pledged a sorority in college, graduated from college, and is now working as a registered nurse. She has a beautiful daughter that is my godchild. She and the little girl's father split up years ago and have both gone on with their lives. My friend (who is now 25) just recently moved out from her mom's house and into her own apartment with her little girl, got a nice car, etc., etc., She is doing really well, but times get tight, as with everyone else. Well, she called me last night (overjoyed) because she has just found out that she is pregnant. The baby's father is a very nice guy, but he is 22, still lives at home and works in a grocery store. I faked happiness because I knew that she was.
Guys, please don't beat me up and tell me that I am self righteous because I know that I sin too... but my heart still aches. I know that last week I had to call MY mommy because I couldn't pay my phone bill....its for this reason that I take precautions. My father died when I was six years old, and I still have issues with men that I feel stem from a lack of a father figure...imagine how a child would feel if their father was ALIVE, and just chose not to be there. I really admired her for all she did when she was a baby having a baby, because she didn't know any better, but still managed to succeed. But now, she is a woman, and she just added to the fact that she was already a statistic.I'm not asking if I should still be her friend...I'm going to be there for her, and will be a godmother to this child too. I just can't help but to feel sad. Will you all please help me through this?

(Sorry for the long post)

[Discogoddess]

Well, if it is your choice to support your friend through her choice to have this child, then you should pray about it and ask God to remove your sense of discomfort about the situation so that you can "be there" for her wholeheartedly. If there are things that you don't feel comfortable supporting, such as hosting a shower and/or being godmother, then speak up and gently explain why.

Personally, I don't know how I would keep from telling my friend that I thought her choice to get pregnant and have another child, while not married to the father, was not a good one. However, I hope and will pray you have more restraint than I.

[This message has been edited by Discogoddess (edited December 01, 2000).]

[exquizit]

I just want to add... Remember, she's HUMAN. She's overcome so many odds, but LIFE happens. She'll be ok. Just try your best to stick by her, after all you guys are friends!

[This message has been edited by exquizit (edited December 01, 2000).]

[serenity_24]

I too would feel sad Convinced, but it would be out of concern for the children and the struggles that she will have to go through. I think any good friend, knowing that their friend is already struggling, would be affraid that things would only be harder and the children would suffer. But if she can handle it, be happy for her and support her in any way you can.

I had a friend, who was married to a dentist and had lots of money, tell me that she was pregnant with her first child. I was sad. It was because she and her husband faught all the time and I didn't sense any love in the relationship ( she married him at 21 and he was 34). I was affraid that she thought the pregnancy would help the marriage. I was also sad that the child would have to be brought up in a home with parents who were always at each others throats. My heart sank when she told me she was pregnant. But she was happy and I was happy that she was happy because there was nothing that I could do about it. I did express my concerns to her, however, and she was very greatful that I did because she had been wanting to talk to someone about it for a long time. She and I are like sisters to this day, and that one conversation was the key, because it showed her that I was genuinly concerned for her and the wellbeing of her unborn child (my God daughter ).

[MIDWESTDIVA]

I am sad about this situation too and I don't even know the girl. I'm not trying to sound like a snob here, but a 22 year old grocery store employee who lives at home with his mother couldn't even get my phone number, let alone impregnate me. I don't care how nice he is.

Unfortunately, I have many friends that have terrible judgement where men are concerned. I have one friend in particular that got pregnant on her first date with her baby's father. This is the same guy that now beats her up, stole all of the stereo equipment and cds from her car and a few months later totaled her car. Why exactly is he still living in her house rent free? I don't have a clue. I have just gotten to the point where I don't want her to even discuss her problems with him to me anymore because after 6 years I think I have heard enough. I just had to accept the fact that this is the life she wants for herself and there is nothing I can do about it.

The good news is that your friend isn't the first woman to become a single mother of 2 children. It has been done before and I am sure she will be just fine. If your friend doesn't appear to be losing any sleep over her situation, then you don't need to lose any sleep over it either.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Convinced:
What's up Sorors, Sisterfriends, and Bruhs:

I got some news last night, and I'm not sure if it is sad or not. One of my very best friends had a baby when she was 14 years old and in the 8th grade. She surpassed all odds and graduated from high school with highest honors, pledged a sorority in college, graduated from college, and is now working as a registered nurse. She has a beautiful daughter that is my godchild. She and the little girl's father split up years ago and have both gone on with their lives. My friend (who is now 25) just recently moved out from her mom's house and into her own apartment with her little girl, got a nice car, etc., etc., She is doing really well, but times get tight, as with everyone else. Well, she called me last night (overjoyed) because she has just found out that she is pregnant. The baby's father is a very nice guy, but he is 22, still lives at home and works in a grocery store. I faked happiness because I knew that she was.
Guys, please don't beat me up and tell me that I am self righteous because I know that I sin too... but my heart still aches. I know that last week I had to call MY mommy because I couldn't pay my phone bill....its for this reason that I take precautions. My father died when I was six years old, and I still have issues with men that I feel stem from a lack of a father figure...imagine how a child would feel if their father was ALIVE, and just chose not to be there. I really admired her for all she did when she was a baby having a baby, because she didn't know any better, but still managed to succeed. But now, she is a woman, and she just added to the fact that she was already a statistic.I'm not asking if I should still be her friend...I'm going to be there for her, and will be a godmother to this child too. I just can't help but to feel sad. Will you all please help me through this?

(Sorry for the long post)

Hi Convinced,

First, I sympathize with you and your friend. However; do you know the brother that's the father? If not, what gives you the impression that he is not responsible? Many times today, men working menial jobs are assumed irresponsible, and unambitious. This may not be the case with him. Of course he will need more than the job he has, but perhaps a friend of yall's could provide the brother with a lead to a better, higher-paying job. Find out what his intentions are before you allow yourself to feel doom for your friend.

[RedAngel]

Convinced,
I know where you are coming from. My best friend was a single mother (she has since married) and when she told me I knew that I had to stand by my friend. She was going through a hard time and needed support. When she married 2 1/2 years ago (not her daughter's father), I was one of her bridesmaids. She asked me the night before her wedding why I didn't walk away from her when she was pregnant. I told her you're my best friend---we stayed friends for over 20 years through middle school, high school, college why would I walk away from you when needed a friend. She broke down in tears. She's been married for over 2 1/2 years, her daughter is a pre-teen, we are separated by almost 200 miles and our friendship is still going strong. I'm sorry for the long post but---you are going to have many friends or associates during the course of your life. However, true bestfriends are rare. Discogoddess is right about prayer and also need to consider your past friendship with your friend. I'll keep you in my prayers.
RedAngel




[This message has been edited by RedAngel (edited December 03, 2000).]

[Wonderful1908]

Sometimes we often become discouraged and disappointed in love ones actions or behavior. Just imagine though, if someone would have walked away or pulled away from you when you disappointed them. Thats the beauty of friendship and love, being there at all times. You don't have to condone her decisions but as friends we have to accept peoples choices.